So on the third weekend of advent I took myself onto a young adult retreat led by the Southwark Catholic Youth Service...Southwark being my 'actual' diocese..(East Anglia being my adopted diocese). It was a good weekend. We had some time just to collect on the first evening followed by night prayer on the beach - which incuded a lovely time of silence where I stood by the sea, listening to the waves, feeling the sea breeze and lit by the moonlight. It was simple - simply beautiful.

We were asked to pick up a stone - to represent our burdens...This stone was to be carried with us for the rest of the weekend, wherever we went we had to carry the stone with us. This led to the Saturday sessions...what burdens are we carrying, how do we decide what burdens to discard and when we discard them....

We discussed what Messiah means to us and whether we are ready to meet Him? Do we have to be ready? What does readiness mean?

We discussed that if we live our lives in the way that God asks us to in the gospels then there is actually nothing to worry about at all - and we would be ready anyway. But we are not, and we do not. But Mary - when she was greeted by the messenger of God, she decided not to question, why me? why? She just said, How am I meant to do this? With the acknowledgement of the gift of the Holy Spirit and trusting that God will get us through...that is how. With this acceptance of this special gift she allowed nothing to get in the way of her and God and she accepted and trusted...and this is how we should live our lives. Mary's simplicity and innocence amidts a judgemental society is not an alien concept to many of us...so we should fillow her example...

To put it simply the retreat provided a lot of opportunity for thought, good ideas, good prayer time, silent prayer time and a chance to meet with many people who have been on these retreats before and share faith with other people my age.

It was a much needed weeekend away.

This last weekend, the small church Christmas choir sang to a full church lit just be candlelight...it was a simple and beautiful service - the choir sounded really good, and the congregation also enjoyed it. We have put in a lot of time to learn some hard music and it was truly worth it.

Now we are preparing for Christmas, and I am preparing for the post Christmas Taize Pilgrimage of Trust in Berlin this year...my 5th Taize new year. Today I received a card from a very very good friend who this year had found things pretty tough at times. I wept a few tears when I read his message...my little nephew who I was baby sitting at the time looked at me and said, "Why are you sad ciocia?" I wasnt. I was happy. To know that a few simple words and just being there for somebody this year meant so much to them and made a tough time more bearable was incredibly humbling - yet I only acted as anyone would have, to look after someone, and to be there to listen to them. Surely, that is what friendship is?

Have a blessed Christmas season if I dont get a chance to blog beforehand. I pray for anyone who will be spending this season alone, who is ill, and for all of us who may have lost a loved one, friend or special person this year...may this time be one of healing.

A few lovely people have been in touch with me following my previous post asking me if I am OK, and very kindly offering time for chats, ears to listen and shoulders to cry on. This has been lovely - and I am very grateful.
Yes, I am ok. I was just fed up with the stigma that mental health problems have and felt that people need a voice, need a chance to realise these problems can exist at any stage in anyone, and people should not have to, and do not have to suffer alone.

In fact also since posting, I have spoken to two people who have opened up about recently being put on medication to help them through a low patch and they were concerned about different things, but thought I would understand. I do, and thanked them for being so open about it. They realised they didnt have to struggle alone.

Ironically, the day before writing this post I had enjoyed a rather fabulous evening. In the last 2 years on the first sunday of advent, I have done something with a compaby called The Really Big Chorus - and this is singing The Messiah at the Royal Albert Hall with nearing 4,000 other singers. Just amazing. It is unbelievable. You go sit in your seat (the RAH is split into the 4 parts of the choir) and at 7pm the orchestra plays, and when the choruses begin, the conductor conducts us all. This is a truly amazing experience. Not only is The Messiah a beautiful piece of choral music and some pieces are a sublime sing, but it is a coming together of people from different countries, walks of life all there for a common purpose. I really recommend it. 'Come and sings' are not as intimidating as they sound - I just belted it out, even though I have never properly learnt part 1 The Messiah - and it is still fun. The lady sitting next to me, and the ladies in front complimented me at the end. The soloists were amazing - the bass in particular deserves a special mention. He had me holding my breath for fear of breathing too loudly during his parts. exquisite.

Am truly knackered. Not only have I clearly had an emotional week, but I have been undertaking some fieldwork for the PhD as well, so very early starts. I look tired. I feel tired.
Time for bed