ok - it has been ages since I last wrote - i apologise, I have been busy.

The Messiah went realy well - like really well...who needs failed pop-opera stars to sing for us....?!?!?!?! We raised ovber £2000 for Haris Hospice so that was awesome, and the music was just so enchanting and moving! Loved it - still find myself singing it at un-opportune moments.

Easter was great - we had a really good Easter choir going, and this was our first easter with a baby in the family as well - so that was special.

I have given my first PhD presentation - that was ok - got good feedback, apart from having poor eye contact, but I know that anyway, yes it is still something I have to work on!

I have also been commissioned to be an Extra-ordinary minster of Holy Communion at my church - it was a great commissioning service at Aylesford Priory, and felt honoured that I was nominated by people in my parish.

I am going to be going to Ascot, met up with my old work team, and have been generally studying quite hard as I have a lot to learn!

thats about it, there is bounds to be loads I have missed out, but have to get working
- posted by zosia @ 1:58 AM -

 
guys - not done this for a while, but I seem to have hit a real low. scared, anxious, tearful all the time. not sleeping greatly either. probably many things have triggered this, cannot put it down to one thing, or put a maximum on it either. please put a word in for me when you can

ps - mark will get Skype soon, I just need to get a new computer first.
- posted by zosia @ 3:27 PM -

 
It has been a long time since I last blogged - I have been doing a lot of thinking - a lot.

"Just as the day declines to evening, so often after some little pleasure my heart declines into depression. Everything seems dull, every action feels like a burden. If anyone speaks I scarcely listen. If anyone knocks, I scarcely hear. My heart is as hard as flint." (Saint Aelred of Rievaulx)

I read this, and it hit me. This perfectly describes how I often feel. It is something so very hard to put into words, when you so earnestly want something, or try for things, but it is your own body/mind that is keeping you back. It is not something you can just snap out of - my word I would love it if it was...but no. It is hard work - and so mentally and physically exhausting. In the mornings when I have to really make an effort to get going, and actually put my life into action - it is hard work. When I go through a very bad patch, I not only sink inwards but I physically get ill as well - my immune system goes. I have been ill for over three months - thankfully I am getting better now...I have suffered some amazing headaches though. Anxiety and depression is hard. I am trying though. I really am. But this, really did touch me as a good description of what it is like.

So, I have now done 7 weeks of my studies...it is tough going if I am being honest. it is solitary work, buy I am learning new things, and thinking about things in new ways, and that has to be good. It involves a lot of self motivation which sometimes it harder then other days, but I get there.

I have been spending time with my gorgeous nephew as well - I mean he is just lovely - I love him to pieces, and I long for the day when I can have a child of my own. The joy that he brings to the family when we see him is just amazing.

The church choir for Handel's Messiah is coming along - we are all working hard - this happens in 3 weeks time. No young, attractive famous tenors this year to my disappointment! no matter how much I begged my priest to get one in - nope - not this year! Money is going to our local childrens hospice, so I really do hope we get local support.

I have been heavily reliant on some friends recently, and I greatly thank them for their it seems never-ending support, and I do not thank you enough. I have had to move back home, which has been hard for me , and the support I get is great. I miss Erica in Oz loads, must stop making friends with people who live over a 24 hour flight away...its not fair!

and that is just about it - well there is probably tonnes I have forgotton, but that is enough for you all now.
- posted by zosia @ 8:05 AM -

 
just where has January gone?
well...it has involved the starting of the PhD...I have done lots of reading, anf quite (very sadly) enjoying being in a library again...it is hard reading....and I dont have an exact topic of focus yet, but that supposedly is ok according to my superviser who says to give it about 6 months! he had so much faith in me during our meeting it was quite scary...well this is why we hired you Zofia came up a lot! so yeah, that has been that,

Yesterday I went with Chris to see Chicago at the theatre- the tickets were one of my leaving presents from work - just bloody brilliant, and all that jazz! loved it! work got a thank you email this morning.

I have to stop making friends with people from the other side of the world. my housemate left the other day to go back to Oz to sort out her visa and get over glandular fever, and i miss her already. am actually moving out of the house for many reasons (econmic being one), so only a few more weeks living here - and a lot to pack up...am moving back home for a bit - just while i get settled with uni etc.

we have started out rehearsal for the Messiah - great piece of music, am loving learning it, although hard in a few places...

and that is about it
- posted by zosia @ 11:06 AM -

 
********news flash update*********

my little nephew is called Matthew
- posted by zosia @ 2:00 AM -

 
***************NEWS FLASH***************************

I am an auntie!
Congratulations to Peter and Davina and my little nephew (name still unknown). A hefty little 'un at 9 lbs and 3 oz.

Cannot wait to see him, but that is my news...

...and it is getting warmer apparently!
- posted by zosia @ 8:55 AM -

 
Happy New Year everyone!

I hope that yours has started a lot more healthily then mine....

yes I was ill in December too - but Brussels did not do much for my health, and now I am on many an anti-biotic to make me better! so much so, I had to miss the first meeting with my PhD superviser - as both are agreed that it is much better for to be healthy!

Well...why was I in Brussels - well for the Taizé european meeting of course! Geneva welcomed the year in last year, Brussels this year. once again around 40,000 young people coming together to pray is just brilliant - and a prayer vigil for peace being the best way to start in the new year. I would have enjoyed it a lot more if I was not feeling so shocking - but such is the problem with illness - you just never know when it is going to strike! but just in general, I had good God time, and so that was great for me. Oh and I was also interviewed for Brussels telly and that was shown in New Years Day...good times!

Now, I am not really going to make any solid resolutions. Last year was a bit of a toughie, with Karl and Ben issues, losing a job etc...but it also had good points including moving house and making a fab friend in my new housemate, good church stuff, two fabulous weeks in Taizé, and at the end of the year finding out that I was going to start a PhD in a field I am excited in. but the general things such as keeping fit and being healthy is in there, finding good prayer time, and just generally wanting to get on with my new studies and understand what I will be doing over the next three years!

Leaving work was hard - I cried quite a bit - I have made such special friends there and we all had good fun which was lovely, and I am sure that I will keep in touch - in fact they rang me already today!

so that is it...I am in bed trying to get better...happy new year!
- posted by zosia @ 11:29 AM -