so this week, I have had what you could describe as a PhD tantrum. It was all very fun. Being told at 33 months in that the focus of the research will have to change, to have to write some new research questions, and that potentially the hospitals still will not want to see us...my prof said "are you ok with this", i turned slightly, folded my arms, started to cry and said "not really, but I do just have to deal with with, don't I?". He, in his defence, took this quite well - sensed my obvious pissed-offness and calmed me down.

so this week, I have been reading lots of management literature, my upgrade document, and seeing how I can put a new management, or what I want to call it, (mis) management stance on the PhD without having to change the whole beast.

There have been tears, and I am sure there will still be more to come. Just finishing off a small plan of potential new PhD for him, and that will be that, until Monday, where we re-discuss options. The joys!

oh yeah - and I was shouted out very unjustly in front of the whole of my family by another member of my family the other day. I am beginning to stand up for myself in such situations, politely made my excuses from the table, went to the kitchen to speak to my grandmother, and asked her if she minded if I left. She didnt. I drove away to (luckily) a Taize service...crying all the way.

all in all, I have made use of a few friendly shoulders to cry on this week.

So, since my last post...what has happened? not much!!
I have been doing what analysis I can for my phd with my limited data, and two hospitals really dont want to help me...
I have made and written some thank you cards for a few people who have been massive rocks for me in the last few months...one person has literally just texted me to say that card was received, read and made them cry. that was not the intention - but i was crying when I wrote it too.
I attended a wedding of a friend
I had to sit through a family asking me, when I was going to get a boyfriend, a husband, have children..
I have been to two operas and a Prom
and I have fallen over...quite badly...swollen (and maybe slightly infected knee, displaying nice bruising!) - but it is ok, because my nephew kissed it better for me.

I have also been considering post PhD life...what I am going to do..whether academia is really for me...or whether I should do something completely different.

and today I have been thinking, this time last year I was in hyde park with 80,000 other people - an amazing experience. and maybe now, it is time for bed...

wow, my life is really not very interesting