"There is one thing I regret about this young lady", said my priest about me to Archbishop Peter Smith yesterday..."she should have been born a man. She would have made an excellent priest if she was a man". I was stunned into silence...Archbishop Peter Smith responded with "well, there is a place for young women in the church as well" (although he didnt elaborate as to what our 'place' is).

That one little snippet of conversation made me laugh out loud, on what was actually quite a sad day yesterday, but a day when a parish in Southwark diocese came together to celebrate the life of Monsignor John Elliott, our old parish priest who retired 6 years ago. He died on Christmas morning - a day which he had said that he always wanted to die on. Yesterday was his funeral at our parish church, presided over by Archbishop Peter Smith (who cut timings very fine - was supposed to be there at 11 for the Mass at 12, instead he arrived at 11:50), 6 other Bishops, and about 50 priests, as well as a packed church of parishioners. The service was simple, yet beautiful. Hymns, music and readings as prescribed in his will.

The morning was busy - I arrived into church at 9:20, to help clean the sacristry, sent on missions to the supermarket to buy milk etc for teas and coffees and then at 10:30 there were was a shout "Zosia, Urgent" The person who had agreed to read the intercessions was suffering from a stint of stage fright and so I was to do them instead...as well as making teas and coffees for all the priests when they had arrived, making sure they were all robed in time, sorting out some of the welcoming, and stewarding at Communion!

But the service was lovely...really lovely. There was laughter, there were tears. But most of all there was a lot of love expressed for a priest who had served out parish for 28 years, a priest who had baptised many of us, visited us at primary school every day, and encouraged us in faith. Yes, in his later years as our priest, when he was ill, sermons were short, preaching may not have been as considered, and the tough outer shell became a little tougher, but we all knew that he held us, his congregation in his heart.

After the service, the CWL ladies and their merry bunch of helpers had served a buffet that could have fed double the number of people who attended the funeral. Having spoken to many of the priests beforehand, I thought I would have been able to enjoy just general mingling, but no. In fact, afterwards, my reading was complimented. Apparently, nobody pauses in intercessions anymore. Apparently, nobody paused between the prayer and the 'Lord hear us', and then inbetween prayers. Well, their apparently is wrong - because I do. And it was noted, by priest and visitor alike. This morning, on checking my e-mails, the Dean of Bromley had e-mailed me as well, saying that I had done very well. Yay! I had a chat with Peter Smith, about a range of things, inlcuding Bishop Michael's funeral, and then the episode, quoted above happened. Now, I have great respect for Fr Bryan - he has been a brilliant parish priest, and a friend - but I did not know what to say!! Then I chatted with Bishop Pat who wanted to know how many young people he will be confirming...and then didnt believe me that he was confirming them on a Friday night...until he took out his diary to see that I was right.

The body was then taken out of the church. 6 young parishioners carried out the coffin, while those who remained lined the road as the coffin drove past. I stood next to a good friend Nick, who had carried the coffin and had been one of the servers during the service. He went very quiet, and slowly a tear rolled down his cheek. I undertoom one simple gesture for which he thanked me for. I put my arm around him.

So that was my Friday day time...it is not often that I am stunned into silence... Today I was

It has been a busy week - I am tired, energy wise and also a little bit spiritually - which is tough as I am now beginning to help others on their spiritual journeys!
On Monday was the first time that I began to teach Confirmation to 29 12-15 year olds. I have completed a catechist course, and have been asking many people about confirmation catechesis (I am very lucky to have a very close friend who is a priest and can give me information on tap) - but on Monday, the confirmation sessions began for real. There are 5 of us in total leading the young ones - and the session went really well. Really really well. I only had to use a strict teacher voice once! we are using a comnbination of materials, but the core backbone of it is 'I am Confirmed' by the Middlesbrough Diocesan Trust...this seems to be good backbone, but we are supplementing it with other material, setting homework and taking them on trips. So we introduced them to confirmation - made them think about what they are really doing, gave them the opportunity to ask questions. Their next session is a visit to our diocesan cathedral....we shall see how that goes.

Today, we had the service of welcome and introduction for the RCIA candidates. Now, this is lovely - but I find myself in a position that I feel a little unworthy of. I have been asked by a lovely couple to sponsor them. This couple are ex-Baptist ministers and the parents of an ex-boyfriend. Their faith and trust in God is beautiful to see, and I sometimes feel that I am unworthy of my role as sponsor...but hey. It was an honour to stand with them today, and I will continue to pray for them and help them as much as I can on their exciting journey in faith.

I am getting there slowly with the PhD...have about 6 months to get it done - prayers in general would be good

To follow on from last night quickly, my sisten in law to be (my brothers fiance), her dad died last night. Very sad.
Prayers for her, her family and my brother would be much appreciated

Happy New People

As with the previous 4 new years, this new year was spent with the Taize community! I spent new year in Berlin, with people that I knew and a variety of new people - as is the Taize way! Going back to Berlin was interesting...I was there 4 years ago, but on the way out to Berlin that time I was dumped by probably the only person I have ever really loved. So Berlin could have been miserable...but it wasnt.

Quite aptly, the theme for the European Meeting was "Towards a New Solidarity"...apt because the city was Berlin, apt because of still trying to find solidarity and forgiveness with people who have hurt me, and apt because I wanted to put some stuff to bed that had happened in 2011.

We arrived in Berlin after a long coach journey, and I was greeted by some familiar friendly faces, and some brothers of the community I know well, and one who felt left out when I was giving other people hugs, that he requested one himself!! After we had been welcomed, we were sent off to our host parishes, and some poor map reading later we arrived out our host parish, to our relief to find out that we had been blessed with a parish who had a host family for everyone! woop woop! We introduced ourselves to our hosts, and then we found out our host mother and where she lived, and were sent off.

Our host mum - legend! We arrived at out flat, at the buzzer introduced ourselves as "the three Taize pilgrims who have been placed with you", and over 100 steps with all our luggage later we arrived at her door. She had moved herself onto her living room floor, so that Licy, Charis and I could use her bedroom. Licy and I had use of her double bed, Charis had a mattress on the floor - we felt guilty..why should we have this persons room? we were very willing to use our own blow up beds, and have her lounge, but no her bedroom we had...she also gave us her spare keys, so we could come and go as we please...

we showered, changed and made our way to work...we had volunteered to work, and we had a role of distributing food. This was a fun job, but I could only do it for 2 of the 4 evening meals, as one day I had a meeting with my contact sister, and the other evening I was chatting with Frere Paolo and a lovely girl I had not seen for 2 years and had agreed to meet out there....but when I did the distribution it was very very fun.

Obviously, something that Taize is synomous with is the prayer - and the specific style of prayer - the chanting, the languages and the silence. I find this style of prayer beautiful - just beautiful. There were a few teary moments, there always are. licy and I remembered the peace that we had this time last year, and then the sad news that we received when we got home. So yes, there were sad times, 2011 had been a tough year for many reasons, and I wanted to put that all to bed. Morning prayer in the parish was immense - Licy and I were leading the music in our parish, pitching ourselves with the piano apps on our phones, but we did it, and it was lovely. I love singing, and this meant that I really had a role to play.

I am not going to write much about the meditations yet as I want to read over them and reflect upon them more - but Frere Alois spoke very touchingly and I know that a lot of people were deeply touched by what they heard through the meeting...and that is the point. To be touched, to think about things differently, to go back home thinking of the message of Christ in a way that can be used in out reality, in todays world.

New year began with the prayer vigil for peace. I cried my way through the singing of Let All Who Are Thirsty, then made me way outside to join the others for the countdownm fireworks, and the bubbly that out parish provided for us. Some dancing and singing later, and the festival of nations began - the UK represent in the parish starting it off with Auld Lang Syne, then doing the Penguin Dance, and finishing with a sketch from the Sound of Music...the English children wanting to wish everyone a goodnight!!

New years day out host made us lunch. As she had been ill during the meeting she had not been able to attend any of the prayers, so asked us to sing for her...and we did, and we made her cry, and as she was crying we all started to cry. It was a special time.

No sleep on the journey home meant for some tired goodbyes, but goodbyes filled with love all the same. Taize new years always allow me to be me...to laugh, to cry, to welcome and be welcomed, to pray for peace and solidarity, to debate, to be with like minded Christians, to sing, and to bring in the new year in a uniquely wonderful way. We made a joke on the bus about never really being in the 'cool' group ever - but in a way we are cool - yes we may spend a proportion of the year spending our holiday in a monastry - but the friends you make, the peace you feel in your heart at times and the ability and time to be you in front of God - is ulitimately cool - and the gift that this pilgrimage allows.

I heard some different sad news on the arrival back home this years. Prayers for my sister in law to be would be gratefully appreciated as her father went into a coma on new years eve and there has been no positive light as of yet.