So on the third weekend of advent I took myself onto a young adult retreat led by the Southwark Catholic Youth Service...Southwark being my 'actual' diocese..(East Anglia being my adopted diocese). It was a good weekend. We had some time just to collect on the first evening followed by night prayer on the beach - which incuded a lovely time of silence where I stood by the sea, listening to the waves, feeling the sea breeze and lit by the moonlight. It was simple - simply beautiful.
We were asked to pick up a stone - to represent our burdens...This stone was to be carried with us for the rest of the weekend, wherever we went we had to carry the stone with us. This led to the Saturday sessions...what burdens are we carrying, how do we decide what burdens to discard and when we discard them....
We discussed what Messiah means to us and whether we are ready to meet Him? Do we have to be ready? What does readiness mean?
We discussed that if we live our lives in the way that God asks us to in the gospels then there is actually nothing to worry about at all - and we would be ready anyway. But we are not, and we do not. But Mary - when she was greeted by the messenger of God, she decided not to question, why me? why? She just said, How am I meant to do this? With the acknowledgement of the gift of the Holy Spirit and trusting that God will get us through...that is how. With this acceptance of this special gift she allowed nothing to get in the way of her and God and she accepted and trusted...and this is how we should live our lives. Mary's simplicity and innocence amidts a judgemental society is not an alien concept to many of us...so we should fillow her example...
To put it simply the retreat provided a lot of opportunity for thought, good ideas, good prayer time, silent prayer time and a chance to meet with many people who have been on these retreats before and share faith with other people my age.
It was a much needed weeekend away.
This last weekend, the small church Christmas choir sang to a full church lit just be candlelight...it was a simple and beautiful service - the choir sounded really good, and the congregation also enjoyed it. We have put in a lot of time to learn some hard music and it was truly worth it.
Now we are preparing for Christmas, and I am preparing for the post Christmas Taize Pilgrimage of Trust in Berlin this year...my 5th Taize new year. Today I received a card from a very very good friend who this year had found things pretty tough at times. I wept a few tears when I read his message...my little nephew who I was baby sitting at the time looked at me and said, "Why are you sad ciocia?" I wasnt. I was happy. To know that a few simple words and just being there for somebody this year meant so much to them and made a tough time more bearable was incredibly humbling - yet I only acted as anyone would have, to look after someone, and to be there to listen to them. Surely, that is what friendship is?
Have a blessed Christmas season if I dont get a chance to blog beforehand. I pray for anyone who will be spending this season alone, who is ill, and for all of us who may have lost a loved one, friend or special person this year...may this time be one of healing.
I am PhD Student...I like gin. I am getting over a tough few years, and I talk about Taize a lot.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 02, 2011
A few lovely people have been in touch with me following my previous post asking me if I am OK, and very kindly offering time for chats, ears to listen and shoulders to cry on. This has been lovely - and I am very grateful.
Yes, I am ok. I was just fed up with the stigma that mental health problems have and felt that people need a voice, need a chance to realise these problems can exist at any stage in anyone, and people should not have to, and do not have to suffer alone.
In fact also since posting, I have spoken to two people who have opened up about recently being put on medication to help them through a low patch and they were concerned about different things, but thought I would understand. I do, and thanked them for being so open about it. They realised they didnt have to struggle alone.
Ironically, the day before writing this post I had enjoyed a rather fabulous evening. In the last 2 years on the first sunday of advent, I have done something with a compaby called The Really Big Chorus - and this is singing The Messiah at the Royal Albert Hall with nearing 4,000 other singers. Just amazing. It is unbelievable. You go sit in your seat (the RAH is split into the 4 parts of the choir) and at 7pm the orchestra plays, and when the choruses begin, the conductor conducts us all. This is a truly amazing experience. Not only is The Messiah a beautiful piece of choral music and some pieces are a sublime sing, but it is a coming together of people from different countries, walks of life all there for a common purpose. I really recommend it. 'Come and sings' are not as intimidating as they sound - I just belted it out, even though I have never properly learnt part 1 The Messiah - and it is still fun. The lady sitting next to me, and the ladies in front complimented me at the end. The soloists were amazing - the bass in particular deserves a special mention. He had me holding my breath for fear of breathing too loudly during his parts. exquisite.
Am truly knackered. Not only have I clearly had an emotional week, but I have been undertaking some fieldwork for the PhD as well, so very early starts. I look tired. I feel tired.
Time for bed
Yes, I am ok. I was just fed up with the stigma that mental health problems have and felt that people need a voice, need a chance to realise these problems can exist at any stage in anyone, and people should not have to, and do not have to suffer alone.
In fact also since posting, I have spoken to two people who have opened up about recently being put on medication to help them through a low patch and they were concerned about different things, but thought I would understand. I do, and thanked them for being so open about it. They realised they didnt have to struggle alone.
Ironically, the day before writing this post I had enjoyed a rather fabulous evening. In the last 2 years on the first sunday of advent, I have done something with a compaby called The Really Big Chorus - and this is singing The Messiah at the Royal Albert Hall with nearing 4,000 other singers. Just amazing. It is unbelievable. You go sit in your seat (the RAH is split into the 4 parts of the choir) and at 7pm the orchestra plays, and when the choruses begin, the conductor conducts us all. This is a truly amazing experience. Not only is The Messiah a beautiful piece of choral music and some pieces are a sublime sing, but it is a coming together of people from different countries, walks of life all there for a common purpose. I really recommend it. 'Come and sings' are not as intimidating as they sound - I just belted it out, even though I have never properly learnt part 1 The Messiah - and it is still fun. The lady sitting next to me, and the ladies in front complimented me at the end. The soloists were amazing - the bass in particular deserves a special mention. He had me holding my breath for fear of breathing too loudly during his parts. exquisite.
Am truly knackered. Not only have I clearly had an emotional week, but I have been undertaking some fieldwork for the PhD as well, so very early starts. I look tired. I feel tired.
Time for bed
Monday, November 28, 2011
I have been umming all day about whether or not to write this, but it has been playing on my mind, so here it goes.
yesterday the world heard about the sad death and apparent suicide of Gary Speed - an awful event to occur. Reports then started about sports people developing depression when they finish their careers and how there should be support for them.
Very true. But their should be support for anyone who suffers with depression - be it mild or bipolar. As readers of this blog will know, depression and obsessional neurosis have been friends of mine for the last 10 years of my life (diagnosed) and definitely longer. At some points in my life it completely took over - on 3 occassions I was too scared to eat and drink for a number of days and so had to be hospitalised, at other times I resorted to harm in different ways (self-harm) and at other points I cut myself off from the rest of the world and refused to go out. At one point (and only one point) I sat in a room one evening, counted the number of various tablets and pills that I had and wondered "will this be enough". Depression is something that can plague anyone. It can be all encompassing. It can be scary. It, by its very nature is shit.
I still suffer with it. In february this year I made the conscious decision to come off my medication - and have been 'clean' so to speak since. It was hard. The withdrawal symptoms were a bitch, they really were, but I wanted to find what the real me was like, who I was, and how I could cope with what life is currently throwing at me. In actual fact, I prefer not having my life and mood dictated by a pill. Yes, this can mean that somedays I am moody as hell, and even hate being my own company (so I dread to think what other people are thinking), other days I can be so happy and smiley it is great...and other days I am just what could be perceived as 'normal'...but I like the fact that this is just me.
It has meant that I have had to use a variety of coping methods - my CBT course I did a few years ago has helped. Trying to think of ways I can be positive, changing my thought processes from the outset, adjusting my behaviour. This was a course led by Bromley Mind, and was so helpful. I have leant on friends a ridiculous amount. This summer in Taize I found out who some of my true friends were - people I could lean on, when we cried and laughed about the loss of Bishop Michael, and through that shared grief we opened up about other issues in our life - some people had drug problems, alcohol abuse, others were also kindred harmers. This opened up a lot, from both sides. In Taize I harmed, one place I would never thought I would harm, but it was something that happened at a moment of weakness. But there were people there who I told straight away, who let me cry and shout and vent my frustrations, and best of all held me, craddled me and let me be me. But my friends have been a huge source of hope, have helped me...and prayed for me. And lastly, but very importantly. my faith has beena huge support - not just because it has provided me with a support network, but because I had rediscovered that God actually loves me - yes me! In my silent week I found that I was angry and scared at God and thought he judged me terribly....but now, after two hard years at work at prayer and working on this relationship, this is changing.
Now, a lot of this happened as a result of a) being diagnosed and being able to say - yes actually I have an illness, I have a difficulty, sometimes it can make me a moody bitch, sometimes it can make me tired, sometimes I can be just fine...b) my friends for accepting me c) looking for help - I went to get help. I knew that fighting this by myself would be a losing battle, however much I wanted to hide and sometimes I did, I just understood that I had to get help.
I really really pray that people who do feel like this are able, or have the opportunity to find help, from their doctors, family, friends, mental health services. I petition to anyone suffering alone, you dont have to. You really dont. Yes, there are people out there - and people do understand. Yes, I have faced a stupid ignorant people, sometimes comments from my own family, university tutors - but its an ignorance. People dont know or understand, they do not understand the grip this can have on you. They call depression the 'common cold' of mental health - but really on bad days it can be all out flu. But, I have also had an enourmous amount of love and support, empathy, people to hold hands with, people to talk to, people to cry on, and people just to hold me when I was in a state of panic.
Depression can occur to anyone, at any time, over a range of things. My prayer is for an openning up of understanding about this topic and an understanding that people are not alone out there and that there is help out there, there really is. And finally, I still remember that one horrible night of pill counting, I remember it very clearly...but I also know that I have moved on from there, and you can move on from there. It is a bumpy path but a path that can be travelled.
I told you I ummed about writing this - I really did. But the media has to know that this happens - these are real people with a real illness, but a real hope as well.
To all those who have had similar issues, I pray for you, and pray that you also seek help and find a network of people who will support you. You deserve it. You are special, you are you - and that is what is most important
yesterday the world heard about the sad death and apparent suicide of Gary Speed - an awful event to occur. Reports then started about sports people developing depression when they finish their careers and how there should be support for them.
Very true. But their should be support for anyone who suffers with depression - be it mild or bipolar. As readers of this blog will know, depression and obsessional neurosis have been friends of mine for the last 10 years of my life (diagnosed) and definitely longer. At some points in my life it completely took over - on 3 occassions I was too scared to eat and drink for a number of days and so had to be hospitalised, at other times I resorted to harm in different ways (self-harm) and at other points I cut myself off from the rest of the world and refused to go out. At one point (and only one point) I sat in a room one evening, counted the number of various tablets and pills that I had and wondered "will this be enough". Depression is something that can plague anyone. It can be all encompassing. It can be scary. It, by its very nature is shit.
I still suffer with it. In february this year I made the conscious decision to come off my medication - and have been 'clean' so to speak since. It was hard. The withdrawal symptoms were a bitch, they really were, but I wanted to find what the real me was like, who I was, and how I could cope with what life is currently throwing at me. In actual fact, I prefer not having my life and mood dictated by a pill. Yes, this can mean that somedays I am moody as hell, and even hate being my own company (so I dread to think what other people are thinking), other days I can be so happy and smiley it is great...and other days I am just what could be perceived as 'normal'...but I like the fact that this is just me.
It has meant that I have had to use a variety of coping methods - my CBT course I did a few years ago has helped. Trying to think of ways I can be positive, changing my thought processes from the outset, adjusting my behaviour. This was a course led by Bromley Mind, and was so helpful. I have leant on friends a ridiculous amount. This summer in Taize I found out who some of my true friends were - people I could lean on, when we cried and laughed about the loss of Bishop Michael, and through that shared grief we opened up about other issues in our life - some people had drug problems, alcohol abuse, others were also kindred harmers. This opened up a lot, from both sides. In Taize I harmed, one place I would never thought I would harm, but it was something that happened at a moment of weakness. But there were people there who I told straight away, who let me cry and shout and vent my frustrations, and best of all held me, craddled me and let me be me. But my friends have been a huge source of hope, have helped me...and prayed for me. And lastly, but very importantly. my faith has beena huge support - not just because it has provided me with a support network, but because I had rediscovered that God actually loves me - yes me! In my silent week I found that I was angry and scared at God and thought he judged me terribly....but now, after two hard years at work at prayer and working on this relationship, this is changing.
Now, a lot of this happened as a result of a) being diagnosed and being able to say - yes actually I have an illness, I have a difficulty, sometimes it can make me a moody bitch, sometimes it can make me tired, sometimes I can be just fine...b) my friends for accepting me c) looking for help - I went to get help. I knew that fighting this by myself would be a losing battle, however much I wanted to hide and sometimes I did, I just understood that I had to get help.
I really really pray that people who do feel like this are able, or have the opportunity to find help, from their doctors, family, friends, mental health services. I petition to anyone suffering alone, you dont have to. You really dont. Yes, there are people out there - and people do understand. Yes, I have faced a stupid ignorant people, sometimes comments from my own family, university tutors - but its an ignorance. People dont know or understand, they do not understand the grip this can have on you. They call depression the 'common cold' of mental health - but really on bad days it can be all out flu. But, I have also had an enourmous amount of love and support, empathy, people to hold hands with, people to talk to, people to cry on, and people just to hold me when I was in a state of panic.
Depression can occur to anyone, at any time, over a range of things. My prayer is for an openning up of understanding about this topic and an understanding that people are not alone out there and that there is help out there, there really is. And finally, I still remember that one horrible night of pill counting, I remember it very clearly...but I also know that I have moved on from there, and you can move on from there. It is a bumpy path but a path that can be travelled.
I told you I ummed about writing this - I really did. But the media has to know that this happens - these are real people with a real illness, but a real hope as well.
To all those who have had similar issues, I pray for you, and pray that you also seek help and find a network of people who will support you. You deserve it. You are special, you are you - and that is what is most important
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Today, I had one of those, you are hitting middle age days...I went to the hair-dressers (which I have not done for about 10 months), and she found a lot of grey hair. Now, I have never been one to care about my hair and how it looks (hence the not going to hair dressers a lot), I don't wear make-up - I have only coloured my hair a few times (the last time was about 3 years ago, and I had a slight reaction to the hair dye), but this discovery has really made me feel miserable. I looked on the web, and have found that yes, you can start going grey at over 28 - indeed, there have been stories of people going grey at 16, and being fully white by my age -and I am worried by a couple of strands. My gran (she lives near the hair dressers)said she could not see anything and told me to stop crying. In her words - you have hair, but you also have beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile, and there are things to be done!
I am holding off the hair dye for now, as I am a little worried about the reaction I had last time, so we shall see what it happens.
Yes - I know that I am not ill, have all my faculties and am lucky in other ways, and there is no reason for this to upset me really - as it is only natural and will happen to everyone at some age (and both my brothers have pretty much lost their hair), so I will just have to deal with it, and get over the what I perceive societies wish to have us all looking young and hip all our lives. My mum says its not noticeable, and a very good friend of mine just texted me to tell me to stop being silly I am beautiful. I need a good strong kick up the arse.
My nan was legendary at this point - she started going grey at 16...so it looks like it is all in the genes. james - will your friend still want someone going grey???!!!
I am holding off the hair dye for now, as I am a little worried about the reaction I had last time, so we shall see what it happens.
Yes - I know that I am not ill, have all my faculties and am lucky in other ways, and there is no reason for this to upset me really - as it is only natural and will happen to everyone at some age (and both my brothers have pretty much lost their hair), so I will just have to deal with it, and get over the what I perceive societies wish to have us all looking young and hip all our lives. My mum says its not noticeable, and a very good friend of mine just texted me to tell me to stop being silly I am beautiful. I need a good strong kick up the arse.
My nan was legendary at this point - she started going grey at 16...so it looks like it is all in the genes. james - will your friend still want someone going grey???!!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
in the last week one brother has provided my parents a new daughter in law to be, and today, the other brother had provided my parents with a grand-daughter. sadly, the only thing they can expect from me is rent.
where shall i get 'lost cause' tatooed on me?
dont get me wrong - am over the moon for both my brothers - I cannot wait to meet my niece, and am so chuffed to be getting a sister-in-law, but I have already had the 'only you left now' comments.
oh well. i will just continue trying to write a PhD that is seemingly going nowhere. all fun
where shall i get 'lost cause' tatooed on me?
dont get me wrong - am over the moon for both my brothers - I cannot wait to meet my niece, and am so chuffed to be getting a sister-in-law, but I have already had the 'only you left now' comments.
oh well. i will just continue trying to write a PhD that is seemingly going nowhere. all fun
Friday, September 30, 2011
so this week, I have had what you could describe as a PhD tantrum. It was all very fun. Being told at 33 months in that the focus of the research will have to change, to have to write some new research questions, and that potentially the hospitals still will not want to see us...my prof said "are you ok with this", i turned slightly, folded my arms, started to cry and said "not really, but I do just have to deal with with, don't I?". He, in his defence, took this quite well - sensed my obvious pissed-offness and calmed me down.
so this week, I have been reading lots of management literature, my upgrade document, and seeing how I can put a new management, or what I want to call it, (mis) management stance on the PhD without having to change the whole beast.
There have been tears, and I am sure there will still be more to come. Just finishing off a small plan of potential new PhD for him, and that will be that, until Monday, where we re-discuss options. The joys!
oh yeah - and I was shouted out very unjustly in front of the whole of my family by another member of my family the other day. I am beginning to stand up for myself in such situations, politely made my excuses from the table, went to the kitchen to speak to my grandmother, and asked her if she minded if I left. She didnt. I drove away to (luckily) a Taize service...crying all the way.
all in all, I have made use of a few friendly shoulders to cry on this week.
so this week, I have been reading lots of management literature, my upgrade document, and seeing how I can put a new management, or what I want to call it, (mis) management stance on the PhD without having to change the whole beast.
There have been tears, and I am sure there will still be more to come. Just finishing off a small plan of potential new PhD for him, and that will be that, until Monday, where we re-discuss options. The joys!
oh yeah - and I was shouted out very unjustly in front of the whole of my family by another member of my family the other day. I am beginning to stand up for myself in such situations, politely made my excuses from the table, went to the kitchen to speak to my grandmother, and asked her if she minded if I left. She didnt. I drove away to (luckily) a Taize service...crying all the way.
all in all, I have made use of a few friendly shoulders to cry on this week.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
So, since my last post...what has happened? not much!!
I have been doing what analysis I can for my phd with my limited data, and two hospitals really dont want to help me...
I have made and written some thank you cards for a few people who have been massive rocks for me in the last few months...one person has literally just texted me to say that card was received, read and made them cry. that was not the intention - but i was crying when I wrote it too.
I attended a wedding of a friend
I had to sit through a family asking me, when I was going to get a boyfriend, a husband, have children..
I have been to two operas and a Prom
and I have fallen over...quite badly...swollen (and maybe slightly infected knee, displaying nice bruising!) - but it is ok, because my nephew kissed it better for me.
I have also been considering post PhD life...what I am going to do..whether academia is really for me...or whether I should do something completely different.
and today I have been thinking, this time last year I was in hyde park with 80,000 other people - an amazing experience. and maybe now, it is time for bed...
wow, my life is really not very interesting
I have been doing what analysis I can for my phd with my limited data, and two hospitals really dont want to help me...
I have made and written some thank you cards for a few people who have been massive rocks for me in the last few months...one person has literally just texted me to say that card was received, read and made them cry. that was not the intention - but i was crying when I wrote it too.
I attended a wedding of a friend
I had to sit through a family asking me, when I was going to get a boyfriend, a husband, have children..
I have been to two operas and a Prom
and I have fallen over...quite badly...swollen (and maybe slightly infected knee, displaying nice bruising!) - but it is ok, because my nephew kissed it better for me.
I have also been considering post PhD life...what I am going to do..whether academia is really for me...or whether I should do something completely different.
and today I have been thinking, this time last year I was in hyde park with 80,000 other people - an amazing experience. and maybe now, it is time for bed...
wow, my life is really not very interesting
Monday, August 29, 2011
So I have had a little time to reflect about Taize 2011, so I will tell you about it...not everything has yet been processed and some moments will stay with me for a long time - because there were some beautiful moments - some because we all laughed, some because we all cried, and some because people came together and helped each other at times when we needed it the most.
Regular readers of this blog and Taize trips know that I travel out with the Diocese of East Anglia, and will know that three days before we travelled out we had just been to the funeral of Bishop Michael - who was their Bishop. So...in many ways this trip could have been awful. It was very very strange going to Victoria Coach Station to meet the group and +Michael not being there - but it was absolutely lovely seeing some of the usual crowd there. Hamish, however was not there, meaning that Luke (that should really read Fr Luke) was group leader until Hamish joined us later in the week.
Onto the coach we went, and I did my usual coffee/tea/drinks duty for the whole coach and the coach drivers, and then we had the ferry crossing. It was on the boat where we had a good drink (Bishop Michael always used to say to us to drink on the boat so that we would sleep for the rest of the coach trip), and I had the first of what turned out to be many chats with Luke about the Bishop and how we both flet about it and how this trip would be...and it was very touching.
We arrived in Taize on the Sunday morning - and it did feel like home, straight away. We went to our usual camp spot and set up tents, and had the majority of them up before morning Eucharist - brilliant! This was tearful - I felt a little pathetic crying but Bishop Michael always used to get off the coach and get ready to do the Mass straight away - and this year it was somebody else. We also found out that if he had been alive Bishop Michael was going to surprise us out there - and this unfortunately didnt happen - so these were the moments that his loss really hit.
So, in the first week, I went to the Bible study for the 25-35 year olds - and for my third year in a row this was led by Frere Emile - a brother I really like, and the brother that had been at the Funeral. I didnt get to speak to him there, but he came over to me as soon as he saw me enter the room to talk to me about the funeral and what we both thought of it. The theme for the week was the Gospel according to Matthew and how this could be used to transform our reality. The studies were absolutely top draw. I just got some much out of them. I could listen to Frere Emile for a long time...My small group was also really good this year - Frere Emile made me a contact person, so that was fine, and every day I tried to take the small group somewhere different for our afternoon small groups, so we went to the Ameugny one day, in big tents another, sat on a huge hill on site...so it added a sense of adventure to it all. They were a lovely group and we had the chance to share a lot which is what is most important.
During the week Hamish finally arrived - it was good to see him, and so did the priest who cared for +Michael in his last few months...so this gave Luke some rest. On Wednesdays, East Anglia Diocese always celebrate Mass in the crypt. This year, it was just Fr Luke celebrating Mass. I dont know how he managed to do it, with the rest of us crying our eyes out. It was a special Mass - re-inforcing Bishop Michael's message about the joy of thr resurrection, and living in joy and that the Bishop would have wanted us to mature in our faith. He did it very, very well, and the Bishop would have been very proud - and I told him so after the service as I sat crying in the crypt. I was ordered to go and was my face as it was time for the group photo. After that I found a bench in the church garden with a beautiful view, and went and sat there, and cried. I cried a lot. After a while I turned around and Luke was there. He sat down, and there we both cried. We talked about our memories of the Bishop, how we knew that he was there with us, but how we wanted him to be physically there. It was a hard moment, but a special one.
In the evenings Fr Luke administered the sacrament of reconcilliation in church, and the rest of us either stayed in church, went to OYAK or sat by tents. After Hamish arrived, I sat up talking with hime for ages - just chatting about a lot of different things which was really cool...and when Luke came back we tended to do night prayer of the church, which was a lovely way to end the day. On the Friday of the first week lunch was served and eaten in complete silence in solidarity with those in Oslo - an extremely simple, yet powerful moment. In the afternoon - as 25-35 year olds have Fridays for increased personal reflection, a few of us decided to go to Bray, a village near Taize where Bishop Michael used to walk to. We arrived in brilliant sunshine, and waited for the church to empty and looked at the beautiful views, and when we got into the church we sang a few Taize chants...and cried.
The saturday of the first week was hard - it was just a long day, I wasnt quite feeling me, and at just before tea, I broke down - it was my time to cry on Luke, and it was needed. We went for a walk and a pray and then met with the rest of the group and went for tea. At supper Hamish made me laugh so much - a skill he has - and the candle-lit service was just beautiful. I always said to Luke I would not do confession with him - but after a long chat with him in church - it just felt right. So I did - both crying and laughing and that was really, really good, in fact there was a "I have to stop laughing as this is the serious bit" said, and yeah it was lovely. I felt at peace. I left Luke by saying - there was a gin and tonic waiting for him at the tent!
I was very sad when on the Sunday the EA group left - although some were staying. Paul, Piotr, Lizzi and I were staying for two weeks, and Lou joined us. So a tearful goodbye led to the start of my second week. Frere Paolo gave me the week off work, saying I looked tired and needed to enjoy the Taize sun, and that was such a blessing.
The second week, I went to the morning 25-35 Bible Study in the morning (delivered by Frere Paolo, but didnt do the small groups, as in the afternoon I went to the Bible Study for 2 weekers led by Frere Jean-Marie where we discussed the themes of Joy, Compassion and Forgiveness - and these were delivered in a more workshop style and this was fantastic - it provided a great opportunity to debate.
The people who I was spending my week with had in previous years intimidated me - but spending this week with them showed me how special we are, how we had a number of things in common and how much love and respect we had for each other. My theme was developing - comfort in sorrow. Some of them had not been able to make Bishop Michaels funeral, and as on the Friday of that week an EA regular was getting married and we had said we were going to do something to mark that day..we set about planning what we would do. On the Thursday we spent some time in CorMatin, and on Friday we left Taize at 11:30, and walked to Bray (again). We planned a Taize style prayer and sat in the church, chanted, read a reading, and said our intercessions - both for the happy union in marriage and for celebration of +Michaels life, and we cried....but then we sat outside under the tree and drank our wine, ate our bread and cheese, and pic nic we had packed...I walked back to Taize (getting a bit lost) to get back to the Bible study - but was late, only to find Jean-Marie had dispersed us all to spend 45 minutes in silence to pray about forgiveness. I apologised for my lateness and told him why I was late - and he did not mind one bit as he knew that we went away for a reason. So I went and sat in the old church and cried some more.
That evening in church, I saw my sister who had delivered my silent week Bible studies...we term it 'that horrific week'. It was amazing to see her, and I just had to talk to her. When she was free, I went over and sat down, and her face smiled. She asked me what I had been doing in the last 2 years, what had happened, how I was. I told her about all the changes that I had gone through and she was crying - I was crying - but these were happy tears! That horrific week was rubbish to experience, but truly helped me to rediscover that God is a truly loving God and that was all he wanted to do. I also had to thank her for listening to me, not judging me and staying with me at a time when I felt horribly judged and alone - that time she gave me was special and I had not had time to thank her for that - and this was my time. It was one of my most personal and special conversations I had out there - and was grateful for having the time to do it. We both were crying happy tears, and just as I was going she stood up and said "I am not letting you go until we have had a hug. This news is proof of the resurrection and I am so happy for you - so happy", and I cried some more!
The last Saturday was a tearful service - the candlelight one was beautiful. Just time to think. I also had my yearly church chat with Frere Paolo about a range of issues and he also stated that he had seen a positive change in me...
Most nights, as it was warm, the group of us lay outside our tents and watched the evening sky, looking for shooting stars, chatting, talking laughing, playing games, and appreciating each other's company and we carried on our tradition of night prayer of the church before going to bed. We also carried on the 2 o'clock cider o'clock tradition having started that the week before, and that was a great tradition to continue.
Leaving Taize is always tough (maybe the year of my silent week it was slightly easier), but yes, it is always tough. Sister Liz came onto the coach to give me a hug goodbye, and Lou and I waved off Lizzi, paul and Piotr who were making their way to Madrid, and we got on the coach, and as we made our way down the Hill, we cried some more....
So, although it seems like I did a lot of crying - I also had a great time in prayer. There were times I felt a huge feeling of peace, where it was OK just to be 'me', and it is these feeligns that I need to hold onto. It was sad that Bishop Michael was not there with us physically (although he was certainly with us in spirit), but his memory and legacy continues through us...and that is something that we have to keep going. But at the same time, there was a wonderful group spirit, a great group of people coming together to laugh, cry and pray, and that is what we have to remember. Friendships were made and certainly cemented this year, and these are special friendships - and ones that I truly appreciate.
A hell of a lot more happened out there...so much happened, but these are jusr a few of the highlights, and lowlights.
Special time, place and people. I will always thank EA for their love, care and zest for friendship, for one year be-friending a lonely Southwark pilgrim, and then continuing to welcome her back. I truly, truly thank you...you do not know just how much it means to me.
Regular readers of this blog and Taize trips know that I travel out with the Diocese of East Anglia, and will know that three days before we travelled out we had just been to the funeral of Bishop Michael - who was their Bishop. So...in many ways this trip could have been awful. It was very very strange going to Victoria Coach Station to meet the group and +Michael not being there - but it was absolutely lovely seeing some of the usual crowd there. Hamish, however was not there, meaning that Luke (that should really read Fr Luke) was group leader until Hamish joined us later in the week.
Onto the coach we went, and I did my usual coffee/tea/drinks duty for the whole coach and the coach drivers, and then we had the ferry crossing. It was on the boat where we had a good drink (Bishop Michael always used to say to us to drink on the boat so that we would sleep for the rest of the coach trip), and I had the first of what turned out to be many chats with Luke about the Bishop and how we both flet about it and how this trip would be...and it was very touching.
We arrived in Taize on the Sunday morning - and it did feel like home, straight away. We went to our usual camp spot and set up tents, and had the majority of them up before morning Eucharist - brilliant! This was tearful - I felt a little pathetic crying but Bishop Michael always used to get off the coach and get ready to do the Mass straight away - and this year it was somebody else. We also found out that if he had been alive Bishop Michael was going to surprise us out there - and this unfortunately didnt happen - so these were the moments that his loss really hit.
So, in the first week, I went to the Bible study for the 25-35 year olds - and for my third year in a row this was led by Frere Emile - a brother I really like, and the brother that had been at the Funeral. I didnt get to speak to him there, but he came over to me as soon as he saw me enter the room to talk to me about the funeral and what we both thought of it. The theme for the week was the Gospel according to Matthew and how this could be used to transform our reality. The studies were absolutely top draw. I just got some much out of them. I could listen to Frere Emile for a long time...My small group was also really good this year - Frere Emile made me a contact person, so that was fine, and every day I tried to take the small group somewhere different for our afternoon small groups, so we went to the Ameugny one day, in big tents another, sat on a huge hill on site...so it added a sense of adventure to it all. They were a lovely group and we had the chance to share a lot which is what is most important.
During the week Hamish finally arrived - it was good to see him, and so did the priest who cared for +Michael in his last few months...so this gave Luke some rest. On Wednesdays, East Anglia Diocese always celebrate Mass in the crypt. This year, it was just Fr Luke celebrating Mass. I dont know how he managed to do it, with the rest of us crying our eyes out. It was a special Mass - re-inforcing Bishop Michael's message about the joy of thr resurrection, and living in joy and that the Bishop would have wanted us to mature in our faith. He did it very, very well, and the Bishop would have been very proud - and I told him so after the service as I sat crying in the crypt. I was ordered to go and was my face as it was time for the group photo. After that I found a bench in the church garden with a beautiful view, and went and sat there, and cried. I cried a lot. After a while I turned around and Luke was there. He sat down, and there we both cried. We talked about our memories of the Bishop, how we knew that he was there with us, but how we wanted him to be physically there. It was a hard moment, but a special one.
In the evenings Fr Luke administered the sacrament of reconcilliation in church, and the rest of us either stayed in church, went to OYAK or sat by tents. After Hamish arrived, I sat up talking with hime for ages - just chatting about a lot of different things which was really cool...and when Luke came back we tended to do night prayer of the church, which was a lovely way to end the day. On the Friday of the first week lunch was served and eaten in complete silence in solidarity with those in Oslo - an extremely simple, yet powerful moment. In the afternoon - as 25-35 year olds have Fridays for increased personal reflection, a few of us decided to go to Bray, a village near Taize where Bishop Michael used to walk to. We arrived in brilliant sunshine, and waited for the church to empty and looked at the beautiful views, and when we got into the church we sang a few Taize chants...and cried.
The saturday of the first week was hard - it was just a long day, I wasnt quite feeling me, and at just before tea, I broke down - it was my time to cry on Luke, and it was needed. We went for a walk and a pray and then met with the rest of the group and went for tea. At supper Hamish made me laugh so much - a skill he has - and the candle-lit service was just beautiful. I always said to Luke I would not do confession with him - but after a long chat with him in church - it just felt right. So I did - both crying and laughing and that was really, really good, in fact there was a "I have to stop laughing as this is the serious bit" said, and yeah it was lovely. I felt at peace. I left Luke by saying - there was a gin and tonic waiting for him at the tent!
I was very sad when on the Sunday the EA group left - although some were staying. Paul, Piotr, Lizzi and I were staying for two weeks, and Lou joined us. So a tearful goodbye led to the start of my second week. Frere Paolo gave me the week off work, saying I looked tired and needed to enjoy the Taize sun, and that was such a blessing.
The second week, I went to the morning 25-35 Bible Study in the morning (delivered by Frere Paolo, but didnt do the small groups, as in the afternoon I went to the Bible Study for 2 weekers led by Frere Jean-Marie where we discussed the themes of Joy, Compassion and Forgiveness - and these were delivered in a more workshop style and this was fantastic - it provided a great opportunity to debate.
The people who I was spending my week with had in previous years intimidated me - but spending this week with them showed me how special we are, how we had a number of things in common and how much love and respect we had for each other. My theme was developing - comfort in sorrow. Some of them had not been able to make Bishop Michaels funeral, and as on the Friday of that week an EA regular was getting married and we had said we were going to do something to mark that day..we set about planning what we would do. On the Thursday we spent some time in CorMatin, and on Friday we left Taize at 11:30, and walked to Bray (again). We planned a Taize style prayer and sat in the church, chanted, read a reading, and said our intercessions - both for the happy union in marriage and for celebration of +Michaels life, and we cried....but then we sat outside under the tree and drank our wine, ate our bread and cheese, and pic nic we had packed...I walked back to Taize (getting a bit lost) to get back to the Bible study - but was late, only to find Jean-Marie had dispersed us all to spend 45 minutes in silence to pray about forgiveness. I apologised for my lateness and told him why I was late - and he did not mind one bit as he knew that we went away for a reason. So I went and sat in the old church and cried some more.
That evening in church, I saw my sister who had delivered my silent week Bible studies...we term it 'that horrific week'. It was amazing to see her, and I just had to talk to her. When she was free, I went over and sat down, and her face smiled. She asked me what I had been doing in the last 2 years, what had happened, how I was. I told her about all the changes that I had gone through and she was crying - I was crying - but these were happy tears! That horrific week was rubbish to experience, but truly helped me to rediscover that God is a truly loving God and that was all he wanted to do. I also had to thank her for listening to me, not judging me and staying with me at a time when I felt horribly judged and alone - that time she gave me was special and I had not had time to thank her for that - and this was my time. It was one of my most personal and special conversations I had out there - and was grateful for having the time to do it. We both were crying happy tears, and just as I was going she stood up and said "I am not letting you go until we have had a hug. This news is proof of the resurrection and I am so happy for you - so happy", and I cried some more!
The last Saturday was a tearful service - the candlelight one was beautiful. Just time to think. I also had my yearly church chat with Frere Paolo about a range of issues and he also stated that he had seen a positive change in me...
Most nights, as it was warm, the group of us lay outside our tents and watched the evening sky, looking for shooting stars, chatting, talking laughing, playing games, and appreciating each other's company and we carried on our tradition of night prayer of the church before going to bed. We also carried on the 2 o'clock cider o'clock tradition having started that the week before, and that was a great tradition to continue.
Leaving Taize is always tough (maybe the year of my silent week it was slightly easier), but yes, it is always tough. Sister Liz came onto the coach to give me a hug goodbye, and Lou and I waved off Lizzi, paul and Piotr who were making their way to Madrid, and we got on the coach, and as we made our way down the Hill, we cried some more....
So, although it seems like I did a lot of crying - I also had a great time in prayer. There were times I felt a huge feeling of peace, where it was OK just to be 'me', and it is these feeligns that I need to hold onto. It was sad that Bishop Michael was not there with us physically (although he was certainly with us in spirit), but his memory and legacy continues through us...and that is something that we have to keep going. But at the same time, there was a wonderful group spirit, a great group of people coming together to laugh, cry and pray, and that is what we have to remember. Friendships were made and certainly cemented this year, and these are special friendships - and ones that I truly appreciate.
A hell of a lot more happened out there...so much happened, but these are jusr a few of the highlights, and lowlights.
Special time, place and people. I will always thank EA for their love, care and zest for friendship, for one year be-friending a lonely Southwark pilgrim, and then continuing to welcome her back. I truly, truly thank you...you do not know just how much it means to me.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-14214915
So yesterday the funeral happened...it was an emotionally charged, moving, touching and beautiful ceremony. Tears, laughter, applause, emotion, peace. Bishop Michael - I have met him in Taize every year I have gone...and after last year he sent me a card calling me an Honarary East Anglian...and that I was yesterday seeing my Taize EA friends, and celebrating the Bishop's life with them. They have become amazing friends, and as one said - they are like my second home, and I am made to feel so welcomed by them.
It was a lovely service with reports saying between 1700-2000 in the cathedral, music was stunning (traditional hymns, Taize chants, a childrens choir), Frere Emile came over from the Taize community to do a reading, and a 'strictly not allowed eulogy' that has us laughing and crying.
I said to somebody after...I am going to have to think wisely before befriending a Bishop again...but you could not help to like +Michael. He was so friendly, so understanding - he warmed to you, let you talk to him about anything, and he listened, encouraged and the prayer and hug he gave me last year until I stopped crying still gives me shivers.
So, on Saturday when EA and I get on the coach to the Hill, it will be sad that he will not be present with us in person (this is when it will really hit), but he certainly will be with us in spirit...and we will almost certainly do something to remember his life in the place he called his spiritual home.
I would like to thank the lovely Licy and her family for putting me up, and collecting me from the station and taking me out for a delicious meal, and my wonderful EA friends, for their hugs, kind words and prayers....here is to a wonderful week on the Hill
So yesterday the funeral happened...it was an emotionally charged, moving, touching and beautiful ceremony. Tears, laughter, applause, emotion, peace. Bishop Michael - I have met him in Taize every year I have gone...and after last year he sent me a card calling me an Honarary East Anglian...and that I was yesterday seeing my Taize EA friends, and celebrating the Bishop's life with them. They have become amazing friends, and as one said - they are like my second home, and I am made to feel so welcomed by them.
It was a lovely service with reports saying between 1700-2000 in the cathedral, music was stunning (traditional hymns, Taize chants, a childrens choir), Frere Emile came over from the Taize community to do a reading, and a 'strictly not allowed eulogy' that has us laughing and crying.
I said to somebody after...I am going to have to think wisely before befriending a Bishop again...but you could not help to like +Michael. He was so friendly, so understanding - he warmed to you, let you talk to him about anything, and he listened, encouraged and the prayer and hug he gave me last year until I stopped crying still gives me shivers.
So, on Saturday when EA and I get on the coach to the Hill, it will be sad that he will not be present with us in person (this is when it will really hit), but he certainly will be with us in spirit...and we will almost certainly do something to remember his life in the place he called his spiritual home.
I would like to thank the lovely Licy and her family for putting me up, and collecting me from the station and taking me out for a delicious meal, and my wonderful EA friends, for their hugs, kind words and prayers....here is to a wonderful week on the Hill
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Cried all through church today, and at the end, my priest who knew why just said "He is at peace now, in the best place for him" Very true. The tears just came. This is on top of a hard few weeks really, and so it just got a bit too much.
I am going to Norwich for the funeral, staying with a Taize EA friend of mine for the night.
I have a Taize service tonight - it will be a toughie I think...
On the positive, I am house sitting at the moment which is good...looking after cats and hens
I am going to Norwich for the funeral, staying with a Taize EA friend of mine for the night.
I have a Taize service tonight - it will be a toughie I think...
On the positive, I am house sitting at the moment which is good...looking after cats and hens
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-14118153
May he now rest in peace
Requiem aeternam donna eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis
He was a wonderful man, adopted me into the East Anglian Diocesan Taize group for 3 years, and last year spent a lot of time with me in church and prayed for me, and let me experience prayer that I have not experienced before. For that Bishop Michael, I am forever grateful. May the light that you gave so many continue to shine. All of those young people you have helped and guided over many years - we will not forget you. May you now be pain free and smiling down on us, urging us to continue in faith...and although many of us are in tears right now - may we remember that you only wanted to see more smile.
Amen
May he now rest in peace
Requiem aeternam donna eis Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis
He was a wonderful man, adopted me into the East Anglian Diocesan Taize group for 3 years, and last year spent a lot of time with me in church and prayed for me, and let me experience prayer that I have not experienced before. For that Bishop Michael, I am forever grateful. May the light that you gave so many continue to shine. All of those young people you have helped and guided over many years - we will not forget you. May you now be pain free and smiling down on us, urging us to continue in faith...and although many of us are in tears right now - may we remember that you only wanted to see more smile.
Amen
Saturday, July 09, 2011
so you have a bit of a tiff with someone one week, and the next week they have found somebody else to make their next victim...wonderful. why the hell do I bother?
in other news also received yesterday, Bishop Michael, I was told is gravely ill in hospital. pray for him, the diocese of East Anglia and all those who have been inspired by this amazing man. I have been. Taize this year without him will be incredibly sad.
Bad news comes in threes right? I am waiting for the last installment to slap me around the face and hit me when I am low to really tip me over the edge. that may come tomorrow at a family Christening, where it will become clear that I am the ugliest person in my whole family as I am the only grandchild not married or currently in a relationship. I cannot wait for the questionning that I am going to get about this. I may as well start drinking now!
in other news, 6 phd interviews done recently with permanent A&E staff who work alongside temp staff...so may soon have something to write about....*may*
in other news also received yesterday, Bishop Michael, I was told is gravely ill in hospital. pray for him, the diocese of East Anglia and all those who have been inspired by this amazing man. I have been. Taize this year without him will be incredibly sad.
Bad news comes in threes right? I am waiting for the last installment to slap me around the face and hit me when I am low to really tip me over the edge. that may come tomorrow at a family Christening, where it will become clear that I am the ugliest person in my whole family as I am the only grandchild not married or currently in a relationship. I cannot wait for the questionning that I am going to get about this. I may as well start drinking now!
in other news, 6 phd interviews done recently with permanent A&E staff who work alongside temp staff...so may soon have something to write about....*may*
Thursday, June 23, 2011
not happy
That is it. in these last few weeks I have felt myself drifting into glumness. I have not been myself. I dont like it. i just don't like not being happy. I feel like crying all the time. i have lost my appetite and just generally very tired a lot of the time. All in all it is not good. Why? Could be the PhD, or it just could be the fact that I am not where I want to be with my life at the moment, and I see other people are living the life that I crave.
I have had some good chats with my priest - but at the moment I am kindof talked out. I know that sounds funny, and very unlike me, but I am just talked out. I wish I could just cry to remove this feeling of wanting to cry...but even that doesnt seem to be very forthcoming...until, after I have been praying and one or two tears slowly begin to trickle down.
so yeah, generally just not very happy - but this has meant that I am throwing myself into work and analysing my data in a big way. have found some good things, but am still nowhere near the level of data collection I need to be for this PhD, with time very much running out.
I pray this improves...after nearing 5 months of not taking any medication - i really fear it may be time to go back on them - even though i really dont want to.
That is it. in these last few weeks I have felt myself drifting into glumness. I have not been myself. I dont like it. i just don't like not being happy. I feel like crying all the time. i have lost my appetite and just generally very tired a lot of the time. All in all it is not good. Why? Could be the PhD, or it just could be the fact that I am not where I want to be with my life at the moment, and I see other people are living the life that I crave.
I have had some good chats with my priest - but at the moment I am kindof talked out. I know that sounds funny, and very unlike me, but I am just talked out. I wish I could just cry to remove this feeling of wanting to cry...but even that doesnt seem to be very forthcoming...until, after I have been praying and one or two tears slowly begin to trickle down.
so yeah, generally just not very happy - but this has meant that I am throwing myself into work and analysing my data in a big way. have found some good things, but am still nowhere near the level of data collection I need to be for this PhD, with time very much running out.
I pray this improves...after nearing 5 months of not taking any medication - i really fear it may be time to go back on them - even though i really dont want to.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
So the last post I wrote was when I was in Maastricht. I am back from there now! And it was an amazingly tiring conference.
My first presentation was on a Thursday afternoon - I was also chairing the session. That presentation was the dodgier of the two, as my claims were being made on very few interviews...but I got through it...I had one question from a Professor that I already know. After the session was over, someone came to introduce themselves to me. They said their name...and the penny dropped. I have read their work many time, and used it quite extensively in my lit review. For them then to say to me that they really enjoyed my presentation, it being the best in the session, and they had never thought about temporary employment in such a practical method just blew me away! I could not really believe it!
On Friday I had a day off - my boss was doing his key note and a debate which I went to, and I asked many many questions in a symposium about HRM and temporary employment, and I rehearsed my paper for Saturday a lot...and then went out for a lovely meal with Ali that evening. We had a great chat and listen, and consumed the drink of the trip - Kriek.
On Saturday was my most daunting presentation - an invited symposium in the main auditorium, sandwiched between Denise Rousseau (of psychological contract fame) and John Arnold (every occ psych student has probably got a text book of his). These two psychologists are mega high profile, and here was I, not a publication to my name (not even a PhD to my name) being invited to speak in the same symposium as them. I was nervous. But present my paper I did...and it went well. My boss said that he was proud of me, and that it was a very confident paper, with other people loving the data I was presenting. So I left EAWOP with a smile on my face, having presented two good papers and getting good feedback.
I got back late and was knackered, but had family over so could not even go to bed...and was then actually engaged in a long conversation about trauma centres!
This week at work has been people asking me about my conference debut etc, and just generally trying to get back to normal - have been kanckered post Maastricht...and my office mate submitted her PhD so that was party time for us! also I found that my PhD is changing its remit also which is quite daunting, but hopefully will be for the better...who knows?
It has been a weird time...my head and heart are being drawn in about 20 directions and I am so confused and I need some prayer for clarity - this would be helpful.
My first presentation was on a Thursday afternoon - I was also chairing the session. That presentation was the dodgier of the two, as my claims were being made on very few interviews...but I got through it...I had one question from a Professor that I already know. After the session was over, someone came to introduce themselves to me. They said their name...and the penny dropped. I have read their work many time, and used it quite extensively in my lit review. For them then to say to me that they really enjoyed my presentation, it being the best in the session, and they had never thought about temporary employment in such a practical method just blew me away! I could not really believe it!
On Friday I had a day off - my boss was doing his key note and a debate which I went to, and I asked many many questions in a symposium about HRM and temporary employment, and I rehearsed my paper for Saturday a lot...and then went out for a lovely meal with Ali that evening. We had a great chat and listen, and consumed the drink of the trip - Kriek.
On Saturday was my most daunting presentation - an invited symposium in the main auditorium, sandwiched between Denise Rousseau (of psychological contract fame) and John Arnold (every occ psych student has probably got a text book of his). These two psychologists are mega high profile, and here was I, not a publication to my name (not even a PhD to my name) being invited to speak in the same symposium as them. I was nervous. But present my paper I did...and it went well. My boss said that he was proud of me, and that it was a very confident paper, with other people loving the data I was presenting. So I left EAWOP with a smile on my face, having presented two good papers and getting good feedback.
I got back late and was knackered, but had family over so could not even go to bed...and was then actually engaged in a long conversation about trauma centres!
This week at work has been people asking me about my conference debut etc, and just generally trying to get back to normal - have been kanckered post Maastricht...and my office mate submitted her PhD so that was party time for us! also I found that my PhD is changing its remit also which is quite daunting, but hopefully will be for the better...who knows?
It has been a weird time...my head and heart are being drawn in about 20 directions and I am so confused and I need some prayer for clarity - this would be helpful.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
First of all - bloody big congratulations to James and Ella on the news of their newest addition! Am so happy for you both...may your family continue to grow in strength and love, and I am very much looking forward to meeting the new addition! you are all in my prayers.
Secondly - am writing this in Maastrich and blogger has gone a little dutch on me! Am here for my first big international work and organisational psychology conference. I have one presentation tomorrow - that being the work my PhD is based on...ane one on Saturday. Saturdays presentation in a symposium that I was invited to attend and I am sandwiched in between 2 very regarded professors in my field...so no pressure at all then!
luckily i am here with my two office mates, so we have some time to have some fun and drink and laugh as well!
the reading material in my hotel room has already provided amusement - "the penguin book of short stories for lesbians"...If i get bored I am sure to have a look!
xx
Secondly - am writing this in Maastrich and blogger has gone a little dutch on me! Am here for my first big international work and organisational psychology conference. I have one presentation tomorrow - that being the work my PhD is based on...ane one on Saturday. Saturdays presentation in a symposium that I was invited to attend and I am sandwiched in between 2 very regarded professors in my field...so no pressure at all then!
luckily i am here with my two office mates, so we have some time to have some fun and drink and laugh as well!
the reading material in my hotel room has already provided amusement - "the penguin book of short stories for lesbians"...If i get bored I am sure to have a look!
xx
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
At the moment, I am in a confused state of affairs - not knowing what is going with my PhD (prayers for this will be very much appreciated), and not knowing what is going on in relationships (prayers for this also appreciated). In both issues, some clarity will be welcomed with open arms.
In other news - birthday with work was greatly celebrated, and I had a lovely night of laughter. I have booked some tickets for the Proms, booked in to sing The Messiah from Scratch at the Royal Albert Hall in November, and got a free ticket and went to see The Creation at the RAH the other week - twas very good indeed.
Now, just need to get some presentations written for a conference, and sort out my life and that should be good. Matters of the head are always so much more confusing when the heart gets involved.
In other news - birthday with work was greatly celebrated, and I had a lovely night of laughter. I have booked some tickets for the Proms, booked in to sing The Messiah from Scratch at the Royal Albert Hall in November, and got a free ticket and went to see The Creation at the RAH the other week - twas very good indeed.
Now, just need to get some presentations written for a conference, and sort out my life and that should be good. Matters of the head are always so much more confusing when the heart gets involved.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I never really want to have a birthday on Good Friday again!
It seemed wrong to celebrate your birthday on the day when you remember the suffering of Christ...
So I didnt! In fact, instead I threw myself into all the local services that were going. I attended the Petts Wood Churches Together stations of the cross, our own Good Friday service, and then I held a Taize prayer around the cross in the evening! In a way, as someone said to me, after Taize, that I had a huge smile on my face - who needs to have a drink and a lot of food when that happens...true, but a gin would have been lovely!
But fear not, as my birthday was on a bank holiday, and on a day of fasting and abstinence - my birthday will be extended, and celebrations are planned for the next few weeks! woop woop!
Happy Easter people - may this be a blessed season for you all
xx
It seemed wrong to celebrate your birthday on the day when you remember the suffering of Christ...
So I didnt! In fact, instead I threw myself into all the local services that were going. I attended the Petts Wood Churches Together stations of the cross, our own Good Friday service, and then I held a Taize prayer around the cross in the evening! In a way, as someone said to me, after Taize, that I had a huge smile on my face - who needs to have a drink and a lot of food when that happens...true, but a gin would have been lovely!
But fear not, as my birthday was on a bank holiday, and on a day of fasting and abstinence - my birthday will be extended, and celebrations are planned for the next few weeks! woop woop!
Happy Easter people - may this be a blessed season for you all
xx
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
These last few weeks have been very very busy. So, I upgraded which was a tough ordeal...15 minute presentation, what was supposed to be 20 minutes of questions, but was much much longer then that, and then I had to wait outside while the panel decided. They did, and I passed. My professor was happy, he said I did well, and had a way of charming the panel...he doesn't know how I do it, but he said it was a quality that I should keep as it was good to have the academics on my side. He also said the panel were very impressed with my document - he had told me what one of them had said before my upgrade the day before as a way to calm me down. So that was done on Ash Wednesday - a day of fasting an abstinance. So I could not celebrate at all!! I went to seminar then made me way to church.
So I celebrated quite royally the next day...work spoilt me horrendously, and I had a brilliant night, just made mast train home...and had a 10 o'clock meeting the next day..I made it, but the rest of the team who came out were somewhat broken...!
On one weekend I went to the CYMfed congress for youth ministry. I was asked to help out at one of the stands - you can probably guess which one...Taize! I was there with Frere Paolo for the day - it was lovely seeing him out of Taize, and spending time with him (weird texting a Taize brother!). He told me that these type of events were not really his thing, and so he was very thankful to see me there, and has since emailed me to say that he would not have managed the day without me. He also said something along those lines to the organisers who said similar things to me as feedback. I had a good day...speakers variable, ending awful, but it was lovely to see so many friends there, and also to go out drinking with the SCYS afterwards...drinking with Johnny is dangerous.
Then the next weekend was Petts Wood Festival Choruses annual choir performance. This year we sang Mozart's Requiem and other choral works. This year we had the return of Ben who sang for us at our first year we did this...but he was not singing tenor, but he was our fraudulant bass. It was lovely seeing him again, and we got on really well, and shared a good gin and tonic and some wisniowka. The concert was the best that we have ever sang, the soloists were amazing (and I am not being biased), they were amazing, and the choir, we did well too. I struggled to get the Mozart at first, but have ended up loving the music - loved it. Just so moving. And it was great seeing Ben again, and having a giggle, and setting some tongues gossiping among other choir members. The aim of the choir is to get churches together from the community for outreach for the community. This year we sang in aid of the Special Baby Care Unit at the Princess Royal University Hospital. After all the expenses, we raised £2000 - for a bit of singing this was great. I personally love the choir, and got A LOT of it this year - firstly a love for Mozart's Requiem, a beautifully touching piece of music.
This last weekend, on Friday I spent a lovely evening with a very good Taize friend of mine who was in London for the day...Saturday I had a girly evening starting with Gin and Elderflower liqueuer cocktails (thanks to Ben for this delicious treat recommendation) and on Sunday we had our monthly Taize service at St James.
So yes, you will see, wow it sounds like she has had a good few weeks...and in this way yes!
But, there is always a but....my PhD has hit a stumbling block in that people at the trust do not want to be interviewed. There is no engagement from any doctors or nurses,which makes the PhD hard to complete as I have very limited data. I have cried about this, prayed about it, gone into hysterics and hit rock bottom. So, the plea here is some prayer that I actually get some participants soon, so this PhD can actually work.
Also, stuff happened in the last weekend that has thrown me into a whirl wind of confusion, and so I hope that settles soon too. Prayers just to get through would be good, to come out on top will be even better.
So I celebrated quite royally the next day...work spoilt me horrendously, and I had a brilliant night, just made mast train home...and had a 10 o'clock meeting the next day..I made it, but the rest of the team who came out were somewhat broken...!
On one weekend I went to the CYMfed congress for youth ministry. I was asked to help out at one of the stands - you can probably guess which one...Taize! I was there with Frere Paolo for the day - it was lovely seeing him out of Taize, and spending time with him (weird texting a Taize brother!). He told me that these type of events were not really his thing, and so he was very thankful to see me there, and has since emailed me to say that he would not have managed the day without me. He also said something along those lines to the organisers who said similar things to me as feedback. I had a good day...speakers variable, ending awful, but it was lovely to see so many friends there, and also to go out drinking with the SCYS afterwards...drinking with Johnny is dangerous.
Then the next weekend was Petts Wood Festival Choruses annual choir performance. This year we sang Mozart's Requiem and other choral works. This year we had the return of Ben who sang for us at our first year we did this...but he was not singing tenor, but he was our fraudulant bass. It was lovely seeing him again, and we got on really well, and shared a good gin and tonic and some wisniowka. The concert was the best that we have ever sang, the soloists were amazing (and I am not being biased), they were amazing, and the choir, we did well too. I struggled to get the Mozart at first, but have ended up loving the music - loved it. Just so moving. And it was great seeing Ben again, and having a giggle, and setting some tongues gossiping among other choir members. The aim of the choir is to get churches together from the community for outreach for the community. This year we sang in aid of the Special Baby Care Unit at the Princess Royal University Hospital. After all the expenses, we raised £2000 - for a bit of singing this was great. I personally love the choir, and got A LOT of it this year - firstly a love for Mozart's Requiem, a beautifully touching piece of music.
This last weekend, on Friday I spent a lovely evening with a very good Taize friend of mine who was in London for the day...Saturday I had a girly evening starting with Gin and Elderflower liqueuer cocktails (thanks to Ben for this delicious treat recommendation) and on Sunday we had our monthly Taize service at St James.
So yes, you will see, wow it sounds like she has had a good few weeks...and in this way yes!
But, there is always a but....my PhD has hit a stumbling block in that people at the trust do not want to be interviewed. There is no engagement from any doctors or nurses,which makes the PhD hard to complete as I have very limited data. I have cried about this, prayed about it, gone into hysterics and hit rock bottom. So, the plea here is some prayer that I actually get some participants soon, so this PhD can actually work.
Also, stuff happened in the last weekend that has thrown me into a whirl wind of confusion, and so I hope that settles soon too. Prayers just to get through would be good, to come out on top will be even better.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
for all the praying types - tomorrow I have something called an upgrade - I have to defend my work so far, present it to a panel, answer questions, and then wait to hear what the panel says. This could determine whether people think my PhD is worth it or not, and whether I can continue as I am, or need more focus. So if people can pray that I get through this then I would much appreciate it...i am quite scared!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Yesterday's daily reading struck a major chord with me. It was a reading that I used to quote to someone who used to be a very good friend of mine, but someone I am no longer in touch with. In actual fact, reading that, and then looking at what has happened since - I could not do anything but cry. and not just a little weep - but a full on snotty cry. "A faithful friend is a sure shelter, whoever finds one has found a rare treasure. A faithful friend is something beyond price, there is no measuring his worth". Just so stunningly beautiful. so beautiful. and so true.
The day before i met up with two Taize friends in London, we went to a Taize prayer, and for a dinner. That was lovely, so much laughter and care. Two faithful friends.
This helped, as the Sunday before I had a mini breakdown. My family (and I do love them) have a tendency to measure your worth by your relationship status. I am the only grandchild not to be married or in a relationship - somewhat the black sheep, and I was made to feel like that a week back. It hurt - it really hurt. Maybe it is my fault that I am not in a relationship, maybe it isnt...I don't know. But i felt so unsupported so useless, that I literally just broke down.
That is why the reading got me. When I feel like that, I turn to my friends, those real friends, those real treasures...and it saddened me deeply that one is lost.
The day before i met up with two Taize friends in London, we went to a Taize prayer, and for a dinner. That was lovely, so much laughter and care. Two faithful friends.
This helped, as the Sunday before I had a mini breakdown. My family (and I do love them) have a tendency to measure your worth by your relationship status. I am the only grandchild not to be married or in a relationship - somewhat the black sheep, and I was made to feel like that a week back. It hurt - it really hurt. Maybe it is my fault that I am not in a relationship, maybe it isnt...I don't know. But i felt so unsupported so useless, that I literally just broke down.
That is why the reading got me. When I feel like that, I turn to my friends, those real friends, those real treasures...and it saddened me deeply that one is lost.
Friday, February 04, 2011
After having met with a Taize friend for a gin and tonic last night, I realised I had said that I would write about Taize in Rotterdam, but I have not...until now!
so on the 27th of december, i make my way to victoria station to meet friends, and unknown people (who had contacted me) to get the eurolines bus to rotterdam. a wine drinking ferry crossing ensued, a moody dutch coach driver, and a two hour earlier then planned arrival meant that about 12-15 very tired people from the uk landed at rotterdam central metro at 4 in the morning.
when the metro opened we made our way to the English welcome point, to be welcomed in that cheery manner by brother Matthew "oh great Zosia - you're here". we had our usual tortuous Taize welcome (when you have sat through many - they are very tortuous)we were given our host churches. I volunteered to work (having worked out that for one meal this means not having to stand in the food queue for an age), and off to the host church I travelled. On arrival - we were the first group to get there, we found out we would all be hosted by a family - it was a Praise the Lord moment. My host family this year spoke dutch and spannish - i do not speak dutch and spannish, and neither did Licy, a friend I travelled with. luckily we meet Baiba - a lithuanian english and spannish speaking girl who wanted to live with us and who had the same job as us! Our host 'Oma' looked after her granddaughter Nella - a girl we grew to love, and who I deeply missed. Nella was 14, but had the mental age of a 5 year old - she called us her sisters...she was a beautiful hearted young girl.
We got to the host house, we welcomed with delicious choco milk and croissants, set up camp, and showered. the flat was in a dodgy suburb or rotterdam, was smalll but homely - we were very happy.
we made our way to Ahoy - the place where Taize was beign held to go to our job...I was working for Steve, a taize friend of 4 years now...we had said that we would look out for each other at meal distribution, but to work for him was a bonus. food served, and job done (my job was to stop people entering the food hall the wrong way, and to make sure people did not take food out of the eating halls), and to evening prayer we went...Taize prayer with so many people - beautiful! we made our way back to the host mothers, and fell into bed - knackered.
Mornings at european meetings you spend in your host parish - we had taize morning prayer - but the pianist played the chants so fast it was so funny. after that, i realised this is where my real job would be - helping out with the music in the parish. so when the animators were having their morning meeting, I helped the pianist learn the chants at the speed they were to be played, got a few singers learning the parts, and hey presto morning prayer music improved. Aftet morning prayer, we had small sharing groups. I have to say my group this year was amazing - shared so much, and had a laugh and a giggle at the same time. After our sharing groups, we then said goodbye to Nella, and made out way to Ahoy for lunch and mid-day prayer. on the second day, i found Fr jerry from the summer, and so we sat with him for the rest of the prayers for the meeting - as he is just an amazing priest and person and was one of the people of the meeting for me. One evening prayer, Fr Jerry helped carry a disabled person to the Taize cross so they could venerate it - my meagre help was carrying the wheel chair after them). it was an incredible moving thing to see, and has us both in tears. after mid-day prayers, the various work shops begin. I went to one work shop about a lady from Rotterdam who was taken, and eventually died at Auscwitz, and on the second day i took some time out with my friend jack to explore Rotterdam a little bit (a weird city, as the majority of it was completely destroyed in the Rotterdam blitz in the second world war). Obviously, we then had our evening work which was a great place to work as everyone had to walk past you, so I got to see so many taize friends, including a very good friend of mine Koen - who I sat with and sang with through evening prayer - it is always good to see him. Having been in a summer small group with him two years ago we have kept in touch and we can talk in such depth for such a long time!
New years eve was slightly different. after mid-day prayer we had our country meeting, so we went to the church designated for english speakers to meet with dearest frere Paolo...who then got us lost on the way back to Ahoy for the afternoon prayer...this prayer was deliciously lovely as it was the festival of light service. 30,000 people praying by candlelight - you cannot beat it. tearful!
after this prayer (Nella and Oma always came to Ahoy for evening prayer) we went back to our host family for a meal that they had prepared for us (I did have to inform Oma that being a vegetarian meant that I did not eat chicken)...and then back to our host parish for the prayer vigil for peace, a prayer walk to the partnered Catholic church, for the celebration of new year! The Dutch go crazy for fireworks - unbelievably so!! I had some gin with me, started the new year by congratulating one of the hosts on their preganancy...they were not pregnant (she took it very well, and has since become a very good friend) and then splling lemonade in the church. However, all was redeemed when the UK stepped up first in the festival of nations, singing Amazing Grace, then unleashing on an unexpecting audience Lady GaGa meets Rotterdam, followed by a resounding victory for "If you're Taize and you know it".
Well fed, and well entertained, 2011 had started very well. a fire working dodging walk home, nothing could have prepared us for the tear fest that was new years day. morning prayer was great...by this time, singing and playing in the parish had muched improved, and after the service the pilgrims showed our appreciation in a marathon clapping, whooping and feet stamping session - leaving the host parish in floods of tears - and then that sets everyone else off. the pastor then adapted the reading to send us pilgrims away with a message of hope from Rotterdam. Oma and nella were so hard to say good bye to. tears everywhere. Our host church had made a buffet out of an immense amount of food, and then one by one the pilgrims left. The Uk were the last to leave, after having a version of the chant 'Let all who are thirsty' recorded, resulting in yet more tears.
We had 8 hours before our coach left...find a pub was our plan. Rotterdam central was shut!! then we found a pub with a few people inside, but doors looked. Seeing us in our pilgrim hoodies they let us in (not knowing that the number was going to grow) and we purchased drinks. It basically turned out that we had crashed a Dutch singers private new years day function for his friends and family, but they welcomed us Taize pilgrims openly, and they seranaded us when we had to leave to catch our coach!
The coach journey on the way back had limited sleep once again, but a jollier coach driver who kept us entertained...we were at the front of the coach...and we arrived back to London victoria on the 2nd January at 7am!!! A train home, and I was back...to be welcomed by my nephew matthew, and the news i could not go to bed, as there were people in it....so I waited to go to church (it being the feast of the epiphany) still wearing my pilgrim hoodie, and when I got home, I napped on the sofa, to be woken by the nephew "coca, its no nap time any more...play trains"
So that was the Taize experience for another new year!! bring on Berlin!! Rotterdam was great, but it was sad to come home to the news about Bishop Michael, and I ask if people could continue to hold him in their prayers...
so on the 27th of december, i make my way to victoria station to meet friends, and unknown people (who had contacted me) to get the eurolines bus to rotterdam. a wine drinking ferry crossing ensued, a moody dutch coach driver, and a two hour earlier then planned arrival meant that about 12-15 very tired people from the uk landed at rotterdam central metro at 4 in the morning.
when the metro opened we made our way to the English welcome point, to be welcomed in that cheery manner by brother Matthew "oh great Zosia - you're here". we had our usual tortuous Taize welcome (when you have sat through many - they are very tortuous)we were given our host churches. I volunteered to work (having worked out that for one meal this means not having to stand in the food queue for an age), and off to the host church I travelled. On arrival - we were the first group to get there, we found out we would all be hosted by a family - it was a Praise the Lord moment. My host family this year spoke dutch and spannish - i do not speak dutch and spannish, and neither did Licy, a friend I travelled with. luckily we meet Baiba - a lithuanian english and spannish speaking girl who wanted to live with us and who had the same job as us! Our host 'Oma' looked after her granddaughter Nella - a girl we grew to love, and who I deeply missed. Nella was 14, but had the mental age of a 5 year old - she called us her sisters...she was a beautiful hearted young girl.
We got to the host house, we welcomed with delicious choco milk and croissants, set up camp, and showered. the flat was in a dodgy suburb or rotterdam, was smalll but homely - we were very happy.
we made our way to Ahoy - the place where Taize was beign held to go to our job...I was working for Steve, a taize friend of 4 years now...we had said that we would look out for each other at meal distribution, but to work for him was a bonus. food served, and job done (my job was to stop people entering the food hall the wrong way, and to make sure people did not take food out of the eating halls), and to evening prayer we went...Taize prayer with so many people - beautiful! we made our way back to the host mothers, and fell into bed - knackered.
Mornings at european meetings you spend in your host parish - we had taize morning prayer - but the pianist played the chants so fast it was so funny. after that, i realised this is where my real job would be - helping out with the music in the parish. so when the animators were having their morning meeting, I helped the pianist learn the chants at the speed they were to be played, got a few singers learning the parts, and hey presto morning prayer music improved. Aftet morning prayer, we had small sharing groups. I have to say my group this year was amazing - shared so much, and had a laugh and a giggle at the same time. After our sharing groups, we then said goodbye to Nella, and made out way to Ahoy for lunch and mid-day prayer. on the second day, i found Fr jerry from the summer, and so we sat with him for the rest of the prayers for the meeting - as he is just an amazing priest and person and was one of the people of the meeting for me. One evening prayer, Fr Jerry helped carry a disabled person to the Taize cross so they could venerate it - my meagre help was carrying the wheel chair after them). it was an incredible moving thing to see, and has us both in tears. after mid-day prayers, the various work shops begin. I went to one work shop about a lady from Rotterdam who was taken, and eventually died at Auscwitz, and on the second day i took some time out with my friend jack to explore Rotterdam a little bit (a weird city, as the majority of it was completely destroyed in the Rotterdam blitz in the second world war). Obviously, we then had our evening work which was a great place to work as everyone had to walk past you, so I got to see so many taize friends, including a very good friend of mine Koen - who I sat with and sang with through evening prayer - it is always good to see him. Having been in a summer small group with him two years ago we have kept in touch and we can talk in such depth for such a long time!
New years eve was slightly different. after mid-day prayer we had our country meeting, so we went to the church designated for english speakers to meet with dearest frere Paolo...who then got us lost on the way back to Ahoy for the afternoon prayer...this prayer was deliciously lovely as it was the festival of light service. 30,000 people praying by candlelight - you cannot beat it. tearful!
after this prayer (Nella and Oma always came to Ahoy for evening prayer) we went back to our host family for a meal that they had prepared for us (I did have to inform Oma that being a vegetarian meant that I did not eat chicken)...and then back to our host parish for the prayer vigil for peace, a prayer walk to the partnered Catholic church, for the celebration of new year! The Dutch go crazy for fireworks - unbelievably so!! I had some gin with me, started the new year by congratulating one of the hosts on their preganancy...they were not pregnant (she took it very well, and has since become a very good friend) and then splling lemonade in the church. However, all was redeemed when the UK stepped up first in the festival of nations, singing Amazing Grace, then unleashing on an unexpecting audience Lady GaGa meets Rotterdam, followed by a resounding victory for "If you're Taize and you know it".
Well fed, and well entertained, 2011 had started very well. a fire working dodging walk home, nothing could have prepared us for the tear fest that was new years day. morning prayer was great...by this time, singing and playing in the parish had muched improved, and after the service the pilgrims showed our appreciation in a marathon clapping, whooping and feet stamping session - leaving the host parish in floods of tears - and then that sets everyone else off. the pastor then adapted the reading to send us pilgrims away with a message of hope from Rotterdam. Oma and nella were so hard to say good bye to. tears everywhere. Our host church had made a buffet out of an immense amount of food, and then one by one the pilgrims left. The Uk were the last to leave, after having a version of the chant 'Let all who are thirsty' recorded, resulting in yet more tears.
We had 8 hours before our coach left...find a pub was our plan. Rotterdam central was shut!! then we found a pub with a few people inside, but doors looked. Seeing us in our pilgrim hoodies they let us in (not knowing that the number was going to grow) and we purchased drinks. It basically turned out that we had crashed a Dutch singers private new years day function for his friends and family, but they welcomed us Taize pilgrims openly, and they seranaded us when we had to leave to catch our coach!
The coach journey on the way back had limited sleep once again, but a jollier coach driver who kept us entertained...we were at the front of the coach...and we arrived back to London victoria on the 2nd January at 7am!!! A train home, and I was back...to be welcomed by my nephew matthew, and the news i could not go to bed, as there were people in it....so I waited to go to church (it being the feast of the epiphany) still wearing my pilgrim hoodie, and when I got home, I napped on the sofa, to be woken by the nephew "coca, its no nap time any more...play trains"
So that was the Taize experience for another new year!! bring on Berlin!! Rotterdam was great, but it was sad to come home to the news about Bishop Michael, and I ask if people could continue to hold him in their prayers...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
so, turns out that the person felt a little guilty about not turning up when they had originally said they would, that they turned up completely unannounced outside my office on Friday afternoon about 5 minutes after I had left it. So, I waited for them to catch me up, and they had my attention for the 20 minutes that I had until I got to my old office as I was meeting with my old boss. A goodbye said, and that was relief - i felt relief.
It was absolutely brilliant to see my old boss again - just so good! It had been far too long since we had last met, so long, and we just had a laugh and a giggle and a great catch up. We went to an amazing bar in Pimlico where I was treated to some lovely fruit beer and a lovely glass of rose, a lot of banter and a lot of good memories. Just a lot of fun.
then this weekend I have been writing a presentation that I have to give tomorrow at a launch of a new interdisciplinary research centre openning at uni, i had a girly night with champers and chocs with some fabulous ladies, stayed over at my frieds, and then today has been church, choir, taize service planning and the continuation of presentation writing!
I am quite tired, but just have a sense of relief. maybe this was in God's hand after all
It was absolutely brilliant to see my old boss again - just so good! It had been far too long since we had last met, so long, and we just had a laugh and a giggle and a great catch up. We went to an amazing bar in Pimlico where I was treated to some lovely fruit beer and a lovely glass of rose, a lot of banter and a lot of good memories. Just a lot of fun.
then this weekend I have been writing a presentation that I have to give tomorrow at a launch of a new interdisciplinary research centre openning at uni, i had a girly night with champers and chocs with some fabulous ladies, stayed over at my frieds, and then today has been church, choir, taize service planning and the continuation of presentation writing!
I am quite tired, but just have a sense of relief. maybe this was in God's hand after all
Friday, January 14, 2011
I have a problem - I seem to be too nice. Last night someone at last felt my wrath. As I said a few posts ago someone is going on mission, but they wanted a catch up before they left. Thursday night they asked...sure I said, I will have a quick drink with work and meet with you then. Time and place arranged, I made a good luck card and to work I went. Just about to leave work drinks, I rang to check if said person was at pub already...No, they decided not to come into town after all...and even better, they had decided not to tell me. Dick. Complete dick.
Luckily, work rallied round, purchased me gin, and let me rant.
On the train home a very close friend rang to see if I was ok...I explained the situation, and when I got off the phone, the train carriage gave me sympathy to the tones of "he sounds like a cock, the quicker you get rid of him the better". he got a full blown rant from me when I got in. I a not one to get angry often - I was fuming.
I am a mug. A mug that is too nice. I hate being treated like that. I have heard a few things this week that makes me think, has respect really been lost??
Luckily, work rallied round, purchased me gin, and let me rant.
On the train home a very close friend rang to see if I was ok...I explained the situation, and when I got off the phone, the train carriage gave me sympathy to the tones of "he sounds like a cock, the quicker you get rid of him the better". he got a full blown rant from me when I got in. I a not one to get angry often - I was fuming.
I am a mug. A mug that is too nice. I hate being treated like that. I have heard a few things this week that makes me think, has respect really been lost??
Monday, January 03, 2011
I will write about Rotterdam soon I promise, but at first I am asking for your prayers:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-12105289
this man gave me an unbelievable prayer experience in the summer...I have just come back from one amazing journey to find out that he is starting a rather sadder one. Keep Bishop Michael in your prayers
xx
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-12105289
this man gave me an unbelievable prayer experience in the summer...I have just come back from one amazing journey to find out that he is starting a rather sadder one. Keep Bishop Michael in your prayers
xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)