i am currently suffering from a little bit of insomnia which is not very good - it is making me tired and tearful, and i don't like it, and would rather wish it would go away so that I could actually get one night of decent sleep. Life is hard at the moment - my mood seems to be the lowest it has been for a long time, I am teary, and just have no energy to do the simplest of tasks, which is just not like me. I am becoming increasingly apathetic about everything, and I don't want to be like this. Work is becoming something of a chore rather than something I used to really enjoy. I has a little smile on my face for a bit yesterday when the choir reformed again, but apart from that, I am becoming more insular, internalising things, and just generally feeling shit.

I really need to sleep.

well, work got me very stressed this week - so stressed in fact that I have been averaging about 3 hours a sleep a night, and am losing my appetite. On one day this week, I survived a day on a carrot, a stick of celery and chunk of cucumber and a slice of bread...not the best I know. My mood is dropping at a great rate. Nigel noticed, and so he invited me to Cambridge this weekend...I went up after work last night (which was real good, as I found out a few days earlier from Ben, that he was singing then too - so we went to go and see him - he was v surprised to see me, and I got a big hug). Nigel and his partner Julia did a brilliant de-stress job for me...we had many a cocktail, then some wine, then got a take-away curry, and had some great chats. This morning they took me out in Cambridge to see some of the colleges, we had some great hot chocolates, and then we met up with the head of the LSRC who is on career-break and went to Zizzi's for some yummy food. Nigel then kindly drove me back to the station, where I then made my way to church as I had been asked to appear at the welcome new members of parish evening.

on thursday at out church, 49 young people got confirmed - it was a beautiful evening, and I cried a lot of the way through the service...seeing them all get confirmed really strengthened my idea of a re-dedication service, and Fr B is really helping me with this. The Bishops homily was spot on, Jeremiah 29:11, something really helping me in a lot of situations at the moment. there is something about singing venne sancte spiritus that gets me every time, and makes me hugely excited about going to Taizé again this summer - a great place for everyone to go, whether they are happy with their faith or not (or not even religious at all). It helped me incredibly last year, and I am thinking about going for 2 weeks this year, so I can really build upon some new things happening with me at the moment.

On wednesday I met up with Ben after his opera school, fell asleep in his flat on his couch, and so that was a very strange thursday morning/during the night, when I did not recognise where i was when i woke up! very strange...but he was very sweet about it - thankfully. It is not something that I hope to make a habit of...the shower was rubbish in the morning!

I am also flat hunting/flat-share hunting as I am getting stressed at home, becomineg more insular, and not happy.

so it is all rather busy at the moment, and i am tired. Fr B is being very supportive, a fact that I am very happy about, and he is going to help me with the senior youth group when we start it soon, to keep those who have just been confirmed interested in the church still

short post
Have been very tired...work has been super stressful, just so much to do, it seems never ending...
also, have been doing loads of reading...flat hunting....sorting out my finances....church stuff.

just been having a lot of stuff to do, have been stressed, and having stress reactions, but all is improving!
and good weather too!

take care, hope your weeks are going well

i am glad that the sun has decided to show itself...about time.
I was talking to a friend of mine who works in mental health the other day, and she said something that has got me thinking, and I have been doing some internet research, and it has got me a little upset/concerned you may say. just another thing to think about.

work is super busy, I will be so glad when the conference I am organising is done...I have been working on it for over a year now, so it all should run smoothly - my boss seems to think that I am organising it well...i can cover things up quite easily.

continuous headaches and tiredness just seem to be the norm at the moment...plus doing lots of church stuff...which is fun but tiring.

Got the CDs of the SJP we did this weekend - it is quite funny listening to it again...am very much looking forward to hear Bens reaction to it. According to Ben, I speak nasally, and he should know because (as he was saying this, his head was exploding) he is a voice expert - oh la-de-dah! and what did he offer to get me for my birthday....speech therapy. cheeky bastard...apparently I will get a good teacher...guess who that will be!

another evening, another concert - it was very good...and luckily another free ticket! hurrah! ben sang great again...he was quite pleased with how it went...but witnessing groupies at work is something so scary...was quite funny walking very fast away afterwards to try a lose them...a nice meal was had after...including sword fights with chop-sticks, thumb wars and laughing happened. being childish is good fun....

anyways, am quite tired, and must sleep!