so i am constantly tired and not very happy, and i am not dealing with my downest mood in a long time very well at all, and i dont like it...i need to cheer up, but i just dont know how. new job have found that they may be being a little bit illegal, making me stand on my feet for over 8 hours a day with no room for a chair, and when i said i have splitting headaches due to the way i have to stand and bend they were even more shocked...so they are ordering me a stool - but the amount of beuracracy around this is untrue...i miss CDS a lot.

http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/docs/consultations/AR_bookmarked_use.pdf

if you visit this, pages 11-27 is what i was analysing, doing and proof-reading and helping to re-edit....all the figures are down to me - i can be proud of that.

and to top it all off, yesterday i had an incident invloving a kettle, boling water and my hand which ended very painfully, and needed to be put into cold water for a very long time, its now red and sore.

weekend is application and something else that is in the pipeline but not 100% organised yet

but all in all bad mood, down mood, and achey mood - great!

today, i was trying to plan ways in which i could damage the photocopier at work - not fatally, but just a little broken so that i didnt have to do any more - it didnt work...someone else broke it a little in my lunch break, but it was fixed by the time i came back (and i only take 30 mins). this job is soul destroying, it really is. i emailed steve today to ask him a few questions about something, and tell him what i am doing, as he asked to keep in touch - i did a jokey but serious email too! i may go and pop in on my old department soon - will see if i get a response. tomorrow, is going o be the same as today, preparation for peer review...which means photocopying files - its not good fun, and i am on my feet all day and it hurts, and i have to bend over for a lot of the day today too - so my back and neck begins to hurt! and today, being the clever girl i am i left my walllet at home - all money, train tickets and everything - but luckily i had my work pass in my coat pocket so that i could get in the building.

not much else to say - i am blue, and down, and not dealing with it too well, but we shall se what happens...maybe it will all change soon - i sure hope that it does.

woah - my last post was crazily happy - but i was on such a high from my last temp placement, and the night out that they gave me, i was allowed to. but i suppose because my last job was so good, that i forgot how crap some temp jobs could be, well i was hit with a big slap in the face this week with my next job! i am at the commission again, but in yet another department - and i have been married to a photocopier and then data entry! even though i work as slowly as i possibly can - and this is no joke - i am still told that i work too fast! oh well. have to email my old boss and ask him questions about something that i am doing now, and i am sure that he will be happy to help me....

this week has been up and down, and i may not have been taking my anger out appropriately. thursday was good - i go out for my lunch break with Jonathan! Yep it was sooo cool to see him (yep it was!), and have a chat and stuff. and it was cool having a chat after work too - you never know jonathan, you may end up being one of those city w*****s that you dis-liked so much! it was good having a cheeky pint too - was a nice catch up!

yesterday i went to church as our new parish priest was being inducted by the bishop into the parish (i say parish priest, but he is officially 'priest in charge'), and it was a really nice service and nice time afterwards, and i am very glad that i went. he is a good priest, and the bishop was also a dude!

today, havnt been doing that much, as the weekend is my time to chill a bit, as work is tiring, and i get up early on weekdays to run before work too! so its my lie in chance as well.

and lastly, and something that Katy found very hysterical on the phone the other day (i just think that it shows my incredibly sad nature), but i emailed Matt Cutler off strictly come dancing last week - and i was very happy when i got a reply! yep, i told you it was sad, but it sure made me smile.

take care one and all

ok, so this week has been one of the most up and down weeks that i have had for a long time, but yesterday i shed a few tears because i was happy - hurrah!

it was my last day on the CDS team at the commission which i was really sad about, but had finished all my work early and so helped steve write and edit another consultation paper. it was getting later in the afternoon, and i was just waiting for the leaving drinks that were happenning when steve called me into the meeting room. he sat me down, and then he said that i had been the most conscientious temp worker he had met and the director and assistant director of the team could not believe how hard that i had worked and that it had not gone un-noticed. This is what then shocked me - he said that if there was not a recruitment freeze in the department at the moment then they would have snapped me up, and kept me as they were that pleased with my work. he said that he was gutted because i was the cool one in the office that everyone liked and wanted to keep, and that he had always wanted that position, and that i had a lovely personality always willing to help and always smiling, and that i would fit into any office so easily! seriously, i didnt know what to say. he then said he knew that i wouldnt be temping for long, but if i was and they needed somebody then they would ring up my agency and ask for me personally, and that he was more than willing to write as many references for me that i needed. i just said "well, i wasnt expecting that, but thank you for just giving me the experience, and i was just doing my job", to which he shook his head and said that i had gone over and above the duty of my job which was why they kept on extending me! i was very embarressed, but very proud.

i was then leaving, when the assistant director said that he was sorry that there was no more work to give me so that i couldnt be extended, told me that i would be requested if they needed a temp, and that he wished me all the success in the future

then the team proceeded to get me very drunk, and we all laughed until we nearly wet ourselves...gave claire a real huge hug cos she is just ace, and am keeping in touch with them all...and then got in at just gone one, and made myself chips cos i hadnt eaten for 12 hours, and had a belly full of alcohol!

so i am job-less for now, but steve is going to ring my agency and put a good word in for me so that i can get better jobs. but i need a doctors appointment anyways, cos some things have happened this week, so i need to sort that out with the doctor - so that will be monday.

that is not the temp response that i was expecting or would ever have thought that i would get...i couldnt believe it, i really couldnt, but it has given me a boost to my confidence - to know that although i know very little about criminal law they would have still wanted me in that team! i think a go me is much deserved!

and well done jonathan - am glad you got my rambly message, and if pudsey is not impressed then i certainly am - and i have got some info to email you that may be handy...chat soon?

xxx

at the moment, i dont have a job on monday - and its not because i mucked up my interview - infact the feedback was that i interview well - no - its because i plainly said that i just didnt want to work in that place because the interviewer was so rude it made me livid, and cry...

first of all there was a blatent disregard for my cv - she had to ask whether i had a degree (my cv clearly shows i have two), when i talked about africa she looked shocked - of course africa is on my cv, and she seemed surprised that i was currently in a job when that is on my cv, and my agency had also sent it in a covering letter.

that wasnt what really annoyed and upset me - i just thought that was unprofessional, and didnt look good for the organisation.

what upset me was the discussion about my name...instead of asking in a post interview "thats an interesting name" type question...she just said - oh your name - its not english is it...she then continued to ask if i was born in the country, am i a british citizen, were my parents english, and how did my family come to england. i thought that this was disgraceful...not only doesnt it matter if i was actually born in poland (as i would still be able to get a temp job) but the complete discriminatory tone was just disgusting. i even put on my cv that my nationality is british as i know my name doesnt look English, and if she had bothered to look at my cv she would have seen that. i was disgusted. i answered in a polite as manner as possible, did my work sample and left.

my agency was really good and said that it wasnt worth the stress and i said i didnt want the job even if they said they would go up to £10/hour - i am not willing to work in a place that has such poor professionlism

i arrived at work a bit teary, and just went straight to my desk head down. steve came over a few minutes, to ask how it all went, and saw that i wasnt in a good mood/upset - he was also disgusted about the interviewer and told me that i was worth better than that, and that the organisation had lost out - andrew and rebecca said the same...claire came in after i had calmed down again, and she asked me how it had gone, and she was livid for me, but the rest of the afternoon we just made up jokes about it! and she was having a bit of a bad afternoon too, and so we made it chocolate afternoon, and she got me a chocolate bar - it was good - still have some of it, as i cant eat a whole bar in one go.

work-wise - i cleaned up all the spreadsheets, and now i am doing the problem file - i found a quote that was "spot on" and "excellent" for steve, just what he wanted - go me, and checked out other things....tomorrow i finish up and clean up things, and do some more proof reading and thats it, my working time there will be done.

we will see what happens next week tomorrow - keith my consultant said he was adament that he would get me somewhere decent, we shall see...

now that is what i call a bad interview

today, was a better day. i am at work till friday, and tomorrow, i have a mini interview for my possible new temp placement next week that will last for a while - well how long i want it for! i had a chat to me boss (he called me into the meeting room, i felt like a naughty school girl going to see the headmaster) and he explained to me what is going on, and what is needed, and how my work that i have been doing is going to help, and i had a chance to say a few things too - and apparently i did not let it show at work that i was in a foul mood. by the end of play today i had only 6 errors throughout the whole of the 6 spreadsheets, and the problem folder was halved! hurrah - am so close to giving them all their stats - go me!

new job - if i get it has increased pay and less money to be paid on travel, so lets just hope - fingers crossed.

i have enjoyed my placement in CDS, i have learnt a lot and met some lovely people. with myself and andrew leaving on friday, claire was sad this evening, she will miss having someone to natter with...

anyways, online job hunt now

however much i do love my work, and i have really enjoyed it, today i nearly exploded at steve - and its not really his fault, but i have been on a knife edge all day, well for the last few days...anyway back to the original story, my rest of the week was changed three times, from you are here till friday, you are not here till friday, and when i left, well its a bit uncertain (no shit sherlock), anyways that nearly made me scream...as well as doing all the spreadsheets which is just frustrating with people wanting stats that i cant give them, because they havnt been coded...grr - if people want to get stats, then they should CODE THE DATA! the thing is i am doing work cos other people havnt done it correctly, so that is not my problem

then my agency have been giving me shit all day which nearly made me cry at work

then i just have shit at home, and i feel shit, so have been on the brink of tears all day...it wasnt steves fault, but steves news of my uncertainty just put the nail in the coffin...i just smiled at him and said it was fine like i usually do, but inside i was bubbling.

and then i made a dramatic entrance home, when i opened the door, was checking the post and blood just started pouring out of my nose, i missed my clothes, but the carpet got a lot - and that was a sign of my stress.

so today zosia is not so much of a happy girl at the mo, and on the edge of tears, and they will probably come out tonight. will see what happens tomorrow, will chat to steve tomorrow i think, especially asking for a reference and stuff, but hey we shall see tomorrow - it is very stressful in the office right now anyway, so i cant really take it out on them - i am only a temp at the end of the day, and this is the way that temping works.

i have had a stressful day. i cleared one spreadsheet, but then i realised that there were lots of problems on another spreadsheet that we had - normally - i am the only one who worries about this, but when steve went eek - that is when i got really worried - will be working like pig on speed tomorrow.

my agency are also annyoing me - how the f*** am i supposed to my long term availability when i am going through applications and interviews at the moment...they should understand the uncertainty of this work - but its only because they have two possible jobs for me, both which need longer than just a few weeks. but i dont need that extra hassle when there is a lot of stress in the office about the report that i am helping to do on friday.

i also did a talk to the christian fellowship at kpmg today as they sponsored me to go to lesotho, so i did my talk on lesotho - that went well. i was thanking them for the money they gave me, but when i left they gave me a thank you gift for talking - you cant win, you go and thank somebody for money, then you get money for going to say thank you ( i am not complaining, it just makes little sense).

so am a bit stressed, but hopefully tomorrow, when i have sorted out the problems (and i will sort them out)it will be a bit better - i am going to show steve that i can do it, and that i am worth the money that they have been paying me.

grrr

what a day
today, i was so happy when church was full - i have not seen it so busy for a long time and it was lovely.

i have been very tired, and not very happy.

went to babcias and had a chat with her and told her about friday, she was happy, but we all have fingers crossed.

am looking forward to work tomorrow as at least there i get appreciated unlike at home where i get sworn at for washing a pan that i needed to cook tea in.

am giving a talk in my lunch hour tomorrow about lesotho, should be good, ahve written talk and done powerpoint.

have a headache, will straighten my hair and have an early night tonight

x

tonight i thought that i waa going to enjoy having the house to myself, but in fact that has been far beyond the truth. i have been reading a few things, some personal, some things that others have given me, said to me or written to me, and then obviously, the obligatory thinking that happens after that, and i have been in floods of tears, and even when i try and think of times when i have been happy, many times this week infact when people at work have just been so lovely to me, i just cant stop the tears. although i have had some great times at work this week, and obv i have blogged about the happy times that i have had there, that doesnt mean that i am happy in everything - far from it. claire and i have had some quite deep discussions, its been good talking to somebody new, and getting a new perspective in things, but she is quite perceptive anyway.

i am crying as i write this now - havnt had a night like this for a long time, its been building up, and now when i am all alone, i can let it all out.

am going to bed to ponder some more, and hopefully i will feel better tomorrow. church tomorrow will be a parade mass, to remember those who died for us in the world wars, and following conflicts - God bless there souls.

xxx

yesterday work was really nice to me. they calmed me down, gave me a do not disturb sign, gave me two and a half hours out to prepare, a good luck sign, and afterwards a slab of chocolate cake - and steve didnt retract any of his good lucks and made the room nice for me, including a phone - "get is quickly paul, it is very important zofia has one!". so they were ace. oh they also let me go early because it was friday, i had had a hard day, and i was a star!.

it was supposed to be my last day, but steve rang keith at my agency and extended me some more...it is originally for three days, but steve said that it would probably be a week because he wants me to keep on drafting the report and be there when it finally gets sent to print on friday - but that will then definately be the end of my time at the commission because the job will be done! But my agency may have another job lined up for me - cos they love me!

now, am doing my talk about africa that i am doing to some people in monday, have made up a photo album already, going to do a quick powerpoint of photos to use during my talk, and take in a few aretfacts etc...

so yeah, am in kidof a good mood. have done some usual whining to some people - you get me? but i am sure it will all be good.

better get on

today i think i will call Zosia Appreciation day

it started up when my agency rang to say that they had heard good things about my work, and that i was to be congratulated because of that, and that i was the only one of the temps to be extended.

then a little conversation will be played out and imagine steve with an irish accent - which he has btw!

me: steve?
steve: yes zofia
me: do you want to have the stats for the breakdown of the general questions, and the per centages for question 1?
steve: what...whats wrong with the spreadsheet?
me: nothing is wrong!
steve: well, is it going to put you out of a lot of work?
me: no not at all!
steve: what?!
me: i have them right here, the final numbers!
steve: what?!
me: yes we have a complete spreadsheet, no errors, no imcompletes
steve: you're great you are, what a star
claire (who i sit next to): she's good isnt she
steve: she is more then good, she is brilliant!
claire: good work ethic
steve: brilliant
claire: i quite like her
stever: i like her a lot. in fact we all do
claire: i would quite like to keep her!
steve: it would be good wouldnt it!

so that was nice...and when i was leaving, claire said to me, we do talk about the temps, and we do say that you were the best of them! would have finished two spreadsheets today, but was called to do an emergency task as as a result of a meeting, so i missed out on two hours..oh well! tomorrow ia bout my 5th/6th last day...i hope i get extended a bit more

so it was a good day

am a bit nervous about something that i have tomorrow, but work are being very nice about it.

not much else to say, i know i am being a bit secretive, will tell all when i can, and when i see how things go.

work is actually making me really happy - goss with claire, laugh with steve, seeing all my old friends from children and family - its good! who would have thought that i would have enjoyed this temping lark so much - i certainly didnt...not after my research - but the people sure do make the placement, and i have met some lovely people!

good news - have been extended to the end of the week! i thought i would as there are many incompletes left on the five spreadsheets, and i still may be helping them find stats if they take on any of my ideas...

they have booked me a meeting room on friday for something..oh very mysterious! and i have just sent off another job application, with quite a strong covering letter
busy busy bee right now.
i feel that i have been neglecting some people for a time - and i am sorry for that, but literally i get up at 6, come home at about 7, eat, do applications/presentations for monday and then go to bed so i am in bed at 10 - if i havnt collapsed before then...will try and get better soon

xxx

another good day at work - have missed my calling as a proof reader! have made many changes to the document that we are drafting, and found the stats for them, and suggesting more facts and stats that they should maybe act if they wanted to make the work more comprehensive, and if not then suggesting ways that the document could be re-worded...really beyond my job-description of data analyst, but hey i am really enjoying it, and this may create laughs in many people minds, but i was correcting Steve's grammar! how funny! apparently, i missed my calling as a proof reader.

tomorrow may possible be my last day, but i cant complain. secretly i hope that it wont be as i like it there, but hey if it is i cant complain, i have had fun, earnt some money and developed some brilliant experience in analysis.

have also had some other exciting news today, but shall keep that to myself for now


xxx

today has been a gooood day!

am not doing the 'usual' temp work at all! now i am having to help draft the response from the DCA about the consultation report that i have been working on! no joke. my boss - will be known as steve from now on, keeps on saying to me what else do you think we should add, make any changes you want, change sentences, find stats, re-work things - it has been great! who would have thought that a temp would do something like this!

i am the only temp who has been carried on this week, have been booked till wednesday, but we think that there will have to be more as there is so much to do, some things are a royal mess, and steve cant work things out, and nor can i! so all in all, by wednesday i would have been working there for four weeks - not bad for what was originally a three day placement

i had to move computers too, and the lasy i was sitting next to was happy that i was extended, but sad that i was no longer sitting next to her...have been moved near steve so that we can chat about the report and talk over the problems that i have found!

anyways, uni challenge is now on, and i reckon all my work talk has bored you all senseless but i am quite excited about it


xxxx

so i thought i would give the new priest a few masses before i blogged about him. as i have saud a few times, our parish was in need of a new priest, and the one that we have may have made some controversy as he was previously married and the converted. but he is really good. he really engages you with what he says.

todays readings were about love...a word which he correctly says is used far to often in our language, that in some ways it may have lost its meaning - its true. i think it has. i am one of those people, i really am...i love this, i love that, i love this person, i love that person. we should be like the ancient greeks who have four different types of love, and then maybe this word will not get thrown around so often, and regains its meaning.

yes, that is a little rant, as i think that it is true that the word gets used too much, and i completely agreed with the priest - who is damn good, and is alreadt bringing in little changes and trying to get to know us.

am starting to write my talk about lesotho that i am giving next week, i have updated my cv with my masters mark, and have asked for some application for some jobs. am disappointed that my temping placement fnishes tomorrow, but it has been good experience for qualitative data analysis, and hopefully i may have something a bit more permanent, so i dont have this i have no job insecurity.

lastly, i have been down the second half of this week, little things are bothering me and niggling me, and some big things are as well. have been talking to some about it, and thanks for the help that you have given me. it has been mucho appreciated.

today my boss sent me home from work an hour earlier then i would normally go (at five not six) because i was literally beginning to fall asleep at my desk. i have been trying to work out why there are so many errors and balnks on the spreadsheet, and changing one thing had huge impacts on other spreadsheets - grrr..my boss agreed with me that this was harder then he first thought.

basically what i am doing is some qualitative analysis on a report by Lord Carter wanting to change the way that legal aid is given in this country. lots of people respnded, and now the LSC are doing the analysis (well i am doing thr crime analysis), that is being fed back to the DCA, to be then re-drafted, and published on the 28th of Novemeber and argued in Parliament by Lord Falconer i think! so i am doing something very different from usual temp work, but it is very challenging, but i am learning a lot about legal aid etc so very interesting. on monday my boss said that he wanted me to read the draft response to see if there was anything that needed adding, or if it could be worded better. monday might be my last day... i hope to work there a little longer as although every friday i am so exhausted (getting uo at six to run in the morning might not be helping), i do enjoy it there, i have a laugh with people in the office, have seen all my old work mates, and have earnt some much needed money.

i had to put war paint on this morning - i hardly ever wear make up but the rings under my eyes were just awful - it was as if i had been punched in the eye!

anyways, time to relax tonight...am going to hunt around on the net for some dance classes too, as i would like to improve on my salsa that i learnt at variuos parties in notts!

have a nice evening everyone
xx

TIRED!

Today at work i made a not so happy spreadsheet look happy again, by finding out why there were many errors, and filling in all the incompletes! only another 5 to do! and these ones are harder - but i am officially a star, although my boss laughed at the heading of one of my sheets "errors, but not really errors"...he suggested something more sensible "these responses are to be labelled as crime", i guess that is why he is the boss and i am just the temp - but it gets us laughing!

not much else really - oh yeah there is, my agency realised they got my tax band wrong and so this weeks pay cheque also included my rebate, so that made me happy...

work has been extended till monday, but i hope it goes on for longer, i like working there, the people are ace!

xxx

as predicted my mood had come down with a big bang - it started yesterday evening, and i have been mardy today too - although the lady next to me at work today made me laugh till i nearly wet myself.
the other temps are a bit funny with me sometimes as i talk to other people in the office, and when the boss wants something done, he will ask me to do it - thats not my fault. i have been extended for an extra day there too.
but yeah, i was talking to someone, and i found out they had just got married, and they asked me how long i had been going out with my boyfriend (quite presumptuous)and i said i was as single as can be (well i might as well be honest) and she looked shocked basically! well what can i do? i dunno give up?

anyways, dead dogo i am sorry for stressing out on you, i promise that i shall stop doing it from now on...i really will - but you have this amazing calming influence! good jobo!

and i heard from my tutor, a lovely message in fact, about me and how she saw me develop throughout last year - so yay to me!

will try and be more happy again soon. got a hectic few days at work to get through first - but i wore my new jumper and trousers today, and for the first time this morning, i said - zosh you look good - i was a bit happy.

xxxx