when talking to Jonathan on the phone yesterday, i realised a mistake! as Dave had already left cloister before the last day, he was not photographed, and therefor I could not put a photo of him from that day up....but Dave was also a member of the cloister gang...



This is Dave and I on my birthday in the Johnsons, or as Dave started calling it "the Johno's!" Dave was a constant reminder to us of Wallace due to his lovely smile as displayed. His tribute to the blue power ranger kept us constantly amused, but we all aspire to be like Dave, he was the official race doctor for the tour of britain dont you know! Dave was a great supplier of taste the difference apple and rhubarb crumbles and custard...and even though he is a doctor, he always astounded us when he got the medical questions of the pub quiz....wrong!

anyways, am off to exeter in a few hours...am just about to finish packing my shampoo etc and once i have straightened my hair my hair straighteners...i presume han has a hairdryer!

hope all is well

xx

the success of my job hunting so far is waking up and checking my emails to get messages similar to that as i got today:

"you do not have much experience I do not think you would be suitable for this role."

well hopefully, after next thursday when jonathan and i go to the guardian event we will have networked enough for people to see what fab hardworking people we truly are!

oh man...am just going to have to snap out of this down spell soonish. i just get so fed up at home, and not being able to find a job is getting to me, and i just feel in no mans land a bit. My brother rang me from spain and told me to get used to the feeling as that is what it is going to be like for a while (not in a horrid way, he was being sympathetic with it). will be temping again soon, so at least i can get a wee bit of money in. i just feel stuck, and there are also other things bothering me, but thats enough for now, must snap out of it completely. have to be in a good mood for exeter....am really looking forward to that no-end

the beauty of blogs, well any kind of journal is that you can look back at what you thought at these points last year. well, this time last year, i was so scared about starting nottingham, i was scared that i would not make any friends, and that i would not cope with the course. a year on, and i am done....and hopefully i have made some friends that will last for a very long time. it is strange how quickly this year has gone. this time last year i was in my room thinking, i dont like this, i havnt met any english people and i went to bed at a stupidly early time (i now know that the lads were in the pub, and jonathan knew that i was in the building as he had seen me come in, and he described me to everyone else as being 'quite fit'!). so thats it a year has gone.

went to babcias again today - we found some old videos of us when we weree children which was quite funny, they were taken 15 years ago, i was young and i had terrible teeth, and it was in a phase where my mum and my aunt attempted to dress my cousin and i in the same clothes but different colours...oh dear. on the way home i chatted to my mum, and even though this year has gone so fast, it hasnt even been six months since dziadzio died, and that does feel like ages ago. i suppose it is because he was so ill for so long. When getting myself a glass i found that my nan had been put on the same a-ds as i am on, but a lower dose. they have helped as she is not crying all the time, but my mum says my babcia doesnt want to stay on them. I can understand where she comes from, i didnt want to stay on them either, but they have helped me so much this last year..if i dont take my full dose in a day i can feel a difference, but now i hope that I can come off them slowly, I am sure that it will take some time, but i really do hope that this can happen.

anyways, enough of my ramblings now...

the readings at church challenged me a bit today. especially the part about prayer, and not getting what you want. so many times this year, i have heard myself and many many others say "God just isnt giving me what i am praying for, i obviosuly cant be praying hard enough". I am going to have to read the passage again, but it was quite challenging anyways.

i am going crazy at home...i dont know - i think that I have moved on more than my parents recognise, and i do just feel really claustrophobic, and i am not very happy. but finding a job that i like is going to take time, and that also really sucks and upsets me a lot.

anyways, it was my nans birthday yesterday so i spent the afternoon with her which was really good, and my cousins and uncle and aunt also made an appearance - its nice to see my nan smile - she has had a hard few months. i know where i may get my covering up and masking of emotions from now though.

not much else going on...exeter shortly should be good fun.
xxx

i am sick of being at home already, seriously it is doing my head in. i just cant be here for much longer - its not doing any good for my health. i saw what i thought would be a really good job, an occupational psychology assistant - so I emailed the guy, and told him what I have already got and done - it turns out that i am too qualified, as they would have wanted to teach me some of the stuff that I have already done, and then when looking at the professional developments they wanted me to do, i already had them...so most places i dont have enough experience, but this one, i have too bloody much.

as ben has already blurted out to everyone that i am going down to exeter - yes, lukcy exeter will see me once again next thursday, so it is a surprise no longer...never mind...will be good to see everyone again, and go to a chaplaincy mass...

and now for some photos...but i dont know how well this is going to work:



This is me mike and jonathan, on the last night in cloister. jonathan has been great to me all year, how many times i have whined to him about so much zosia shit is untrue, and he just sat through it...he may have got pissed off once or twice..."Zosia, you just have to say it...how hard can it be?", but jonathan - thank you. we have very memorable trips to Sainsburys, have a love for thorntons ice cream, have tried many bottled ciders, and listen to a lot of shit and cheesey radio! jonathan, you are a star.

Mike was the new cloister recruit for the last one and a half months, and provided a fair bit of laughs...especially in one memorable for me (not for him) walk back home from town....as mike is the new recruit we didnt get to know him that well, but we did manage to taste his apple pie and carrot cake offerings - it was a brief but pleasant opportunity, but still, contact via many means is amazing these days



this is adrian...adrian is a very special man...he is lovely! he cooks well, he is polite, charming, and he already knows that I think that he is good looking! sometimes it can be hard to understand what adrian says, as he just uses vowels, but we got used to that. but never get a backy on a bike with him...it can lengthen a short trip home by several hours and an ambulance ride, and x-rays! but adrian is a dude...



This is gareth...now gareth and i dont see eye to eye on some things - that is putting it politely, but gareth has taught me a lot, and has made me have to stand up for myself. he also covered me in leaves, and for a while i was his personal hair stylist...he did have some excellent hair straighteners however which came in handy on many occasions. essentially gareth provided us with an irish accent and somebody to laugh at - especially when he pissed all over his computer...



Andy is in this photo - he left in the morning of last friday, and so was not there in the evening - oh dear...andy provided us with lots of laughs, and his love for football was overwhelming. he introduced me to some new music this year, and let me listen to a lot of his matchbox 20! andy plays the guitar very well indeed, and when salsa-ing has a tendency to knock over bbq's...but overall a great suppiler of chocolate biscuits, chocolate and haribo - thank you andy.



this is enrique...or known to me as anrikay! he is the lemon meringue supremo - it was truly delightful...the only bad thing about it was that i faliled to get a slice last thursday...evil enrique! enrique has amazingly put up with such poor pronunciation of his name all year, and often very excitable me times. i have a lot ot thank for enrique as he was able to understand many of my relationship dilemas and fears, and was a good person to chat to.

they are just some of the wonderful people that made my year in Nottingham bearable and really helped me through it. i have such admiration and love for each and everyone of them, as each in their own way made me laugh, cry and so happy through the year...guys you are all amaizing, and i miss you dearly, and we will have to have many reunions even though we are all supposed to be getting jobs!

and lastly:


this is everyone at the cloister party last friday - it was a good way to end off a good year. although i did spend a lot of time with the afore mentioned guys, the people in this photo lived in cloister and shared the cloister experience if annoying fire alarms at stupid times in the morning, and captain jack sparrow, parties, bbqs, stresses of exams, broadgate and just general cloister niceness...they also made my year.

miss it all, and the sooner i get out of home and a job the better.

hopefully by the end of tonight i will have better internet, or at least internet capabilities on my laptop which means i will have msn restored hurrah! have been doing some job hunting - found something today which looks quite good, and is in kent, so have asked for more information on that - my mum got quite excited too. have been using my new piece of exercise equipment - its quite a good bit fun! so hopefully the pounds will be falling off so ben doesnt look in disgust at me when i finally arrive....

um, not much else going on, am a bit down, but i think that may be because i am back home, and i dont have the banter of flat 2 to keep me going, or anything like that. i am missing the notts people - they were truly fabo! will put some photos of the last night up when the net is on my laptop - some truly funny ones are there...and lots of peoples heads!

take care

xxx

am already getting bored at home - and job hunting is hard as the net is crap...am not happy. heard from my supervisor today which was strange, will tell more if anything develops. will be going to exeter soon to see ben, am slightly worried about it knowing that i have a few people that hate me without even meeting me down there, and so that will be an experience, but one which at the moment i am quite scared about. got a new piece of fitness equipment today, that will be fun, and have also renewed my passport - but that is a bloody expensive thing to do.

am a bit sad to be back at home - there are very few people around anymore - my cousin and I are thinking about doing a Salsa class so that we can have some kind of fun activity to do.

anyways, not much else going on...have now unpacked all my clothes, my cuttlery and crockery, but still my huge piles of work have to be put somewhere!
xx

so the cloister days are over....

friday night was great - cleaning kitchens, and then salsa-ing! loves it - fell into bed about four, up at 7 to clean my kitchen and flat and finish packing...amazingly everything managed to fit into the car so wohoo! am home again now...like the sofa - but kindof wnat to move onto somewhere else and be with young company...having meen with people my age for the last 51 weeks, am going to miss that hugely.

oh - am having to use the shit internet at home and the computer doesnt agree with msn...grr...we are going to hopefully upgrade so that i can get wifi net on my baby laptop soon - hurrah! and then i will have msn again...so nottingham people use my yahoo email to contact me (its on facebook), or the text or phone! andy - you missed a good night on friday - i will forward you the photos when i can....

nottingham was great...i loved all the people that i met with a passion and you are truly fab...unpacking is going to be a mare - everyone who saw how packed the car was - well that is now blocking the entrance to my house...missing you all greatly

xxx

i think that i should also thank my lovely housemates too. we had a house meal last night, and it was all laughter, and now we are all so sad. you were great girls,and made flat 6 a lovely place for me to live...

so thank you tracy, cathy, ritah, agatha, biibi and gharima you are brilliant flat mates and i also love you sll so much

xxx

right, i hate goodbyes, so this is what I am going to do:

to adrian, gareth, jonathan, andy, dave, enrique, tom (now back in New Zealand) and the latest recruit Mike - thank you all for looking after me this year in Cloister, it has been an amazing time, and you are all wonderful fabulous people who have made me laugh till i nearly wet myself on many occassions.

i love you all dearly, and thorugh many means of communication must remain in contact

xxxxxx

sometimes i feel like i am banging my head against a brick wall. at least in my room when i am packing all my stuff up i can sing out really loud as that makes me happy.

sometimes i feel like i am banging my head against a brick wall. at least in my room when i am packing all my stuff up i can sing out really loud as that makes me happy.

two days of crap sleep...makes me a tired girl. went to the grove last night, and saw Kev which was good. we got back and watch some spaced which is ace - reminded me of Monks Road watching it with Amy and having a giggle and a laugh.

only a few days left now, am quite sad about it - have a few things that i want to do, but whether i have the opportunity to do that or not i do not know...

well, am going to go to one of my favourite places on campus and read my book...and maybe do more writing

so last night was an interesting affair. it turned out to be a bit of a bar crawl in Nottingham, and annoyingly nothing was having an effect on me, when everyone else was getting wasted. so much so kris and rhioni (dont know how to spell his name) went mid evening,the rest of us carrying on a lot longer (maybe for some not wisely) and i had a lets say "interesting" walk home, with Mike being the pissed egit he is thinking he knows best attempting to guide me the sober one home - we walked up and down the same road three times!. he doesnt remember the walk home - i certainly do...and he doesnt remember me putting him to bed either - putting water by his bed, the bin with a plastic bag next to him, and closing his curtains, turning off the light- oh dear.

i felt fine this morning, as i didnt even feel drunk last night - bet you when i next drink it will hit me straight out.

and well done to gareth, adrian and enrique who handed in today...
xx

this morning i have been trying to be a bit more pro-active about sorting out post-uni plans. i have been on a few job web-sites and found one or two possibilities (but i am being very picky), and have also been on the BPS website looking up all the occupational psychologists that would be in driving distance for me, and am emailing them to see if I can get some work experience with any of them...we shall see if that gets anything.

now i am going to look for flights so that I can go and visit my brother and have a mini break abroad which will be coolio...

not much else, am waiting for andy et al to finish up - should be soon, and then will be going for a wee little drink to celebrate their end of degree - this week will see a lot of drinking i fear...and i am dreading saying goodbye to people. it will be well and truly very sad

ok, so my day has been really good, bar one event. on the way to katy's a man drove up and stopped by me, and beckoned me over... i went as i thought he might be needing directions...instead he opened his door, and said "i know that i dont know you or anything, but do you want to get into my car, and i will drive you into town and take you for a drink". i said no abruptly, gave him a disgusted look, and ran into Katy's house. why do men do this to us...it was horrible. urgh. i was dressed nice as i was going to the theatre -(just a smart pair of jeans, a top, and a black 3/4 length black top over that), but urgh it was horrid.

seeing katy again was cool, we had a good chat, and grease was just bloody brilliant. the dancing was soo good, and the singing was amazing - absolutely amazing it really was. i give it high recommendations to go and see.

got back from the theatre - Mike was making an apple pie...the filling was yummy! and he even got custard - brilliant. captain jack came into flat 2, he freaks me out, and i have developed this habit of just zoning out when he talks to me - its not that good, so i made my escape. am going to a watch dvd i think, as i am not tired enough to go to sleep, but i can watch it in bed which is ace.

even though Jonathan came knocking on my door this morning, and i had a heavy night drinking - i am in such a good mood today - i hope that it lasts!

so yesterday i had my first proper celebration of giving in the masters as mike had finished him, so a quick pint in the johnsons, turned into two pints and three gin and tonics...then when we got back in, some wine and a mug of mainly gin with a wee bit of tonic! Jonathan kindly provided potato wedges when we got back in as (well i) had the munchies! i found out that Jonathan and mike are both very ticklish - can provide hours of entertainment now!

anyway, this morning i had my photo taken with darth vada and a stormtrouper - it was brilliant - i gave darth vada a huge hug - brilliant!

am going to see Katy in a few hours, followed by Grease the musical - i am very much looking forward to this indeed - how brilliant will it be????!!!!!

well, it is sunny too, cant beat today at the moment - laughs all the way!

This here is Gareth. a few weeks ago i dedicated a whole post to him as he complained that he wasnt mentioned enough - last night he complained again - you can never make some people happy can you? Anyway, this is a picture of Gareth - this should make him happy, but knowing Gareth it will probably make him annoyed - why put such a silly picture of me up??

Anyway, there is another reason why I am mentioning Gareth this morning - it is Gareths 22nd birthday - I know he looks 12, but really he is now 22. so happy birthday Gareth.

when you need a bit of comfort and cheer, what can be better then to pick up your book and read away merrily - so three cheers for Jane Austen and writing her brilliant Pride and Prejudice - a book that i know will always put a smile on my face when i read it, and gets me out of a terrible mood. thats a good book indeed.

i woke up with a bit of a strange dream going through my head...i was still tired and wanted to go back to sleep, but for fear of returning to that dream - i didnt - i got up, and i was glad that I did as it is very sunny today, so much so i dont have to wear a top with sleeves! i had a rant at the post office when sending jons post...the new prices have gone crazy! i collected my Grease ticket so I am all set for saturday now. i leant gareth my computer last night with the proviso that no type of defacation occurred on it! i dont want my computer dying a death also.

am feeling a wee bit ill now, but have just hoovered my room, and put on my washing, so i feel like i have had a productive day

may watch a film this afternoon - watched 21 grams yesterday - what a thought provoking film - sure had me thinking all afternoon about things - doesnt chage much...

anyways better go have to put my softener in my washing machine

for people who know me really well i dont get angry very often, but at the moment i am so fucked off its untrue. if people who dont even know me want to make up lies about me, then thats fine, they can use their sick and twisted heads to do so, but if at the same time, they want to try and tell me that they are a Christian..then really i dont fucking believe them. if they were Christian "love one another as I have loved you" should be on their mind, not lets see how much hurt and anguish we can cause somebody. some people are so calous and calculated it makes me feel sick - physically.

and to somebody else:

"who helped you the most?....someone who was there whenever needed, who listened more than talked, who didnt keep glancing down at a watch, who hugged, and touched a cried. in short, someone who was available" (Where is God when it hurts?)

If i could have done anymore then i would have, but if that means shit to you, then i just dont know anymore - i really dont. i have done my best and tried, and i dont know what else to do or say - i am literally lost for words through anger

its nice to wake up in the morning and to have the sun shining into your bedroom - sure put a smile on my face this morning. am quite looking forward to church this morning, have been doing some quite good prayer recently...well i do need clarity on many issues at the moment, and the prayer is giving me the comfort that I need. Last night having seen adrian and mike make awful dinners for themselves as they are still doing dissertations, i rashly agreed to cook for flat 2 (which will include jonathan as well) tonight, which means a trip to sainsburys, but i dont mind, they have each looked after me this year in their own little ways, now its time to do something back, and also when i couldnt sleep last night i planned what i was going to cook for them....

anyways, better straighten my hair before i leave for church...

well, the last few days have been quite relaxed in not doing any work terms, but my head has still been whirring with thouhgts, anxieties, and things. today i booked myself a ticket to see Grease next week in Nottingham at the theatre, i am going on my own so i can have some good Zosia time and just enjoy a film that i love without having to worry that the other people i am with are not enjoying it...so i am looking forward to that next week - and it was very cheap with a student card, so that was fab too!

um, not much else to say, am job hunting now which is a long hard task, am really wanting to be a research assistant but i am not finding places. um, the others all still have their dissertations to finish, so i would like prayers for them, so that they can do that well, and then we can all have some fun! wohoo!

have been getting some help some friends on some matters this week which has been very helpful and insightful also.

take care my petals
xxx