have not blogged for a while, so will give a quick update as to what has been occuring in my life recently. i dont like the new self-scan things that they have in sainsburys, it takes away the poitn of people being paid to do that kind of thing. i felt that i should have a name badge saying zosia on it...am quite gutted as i missed out on a cd that i have been wanting for ahes on ebay yesterday - it was by rebecca st james, and is usually quite expensive, but it was going for really cheap, but some bastard got in there just before it timed ot, so i was quite angry about that yesterday. have been doing good old essay research, which has been as fun as you can imagine - i keep on having dreams that the answers that i wrote in my exams wer all wrng which hasnt been very good for the old stress and depression i am telling you, and i know that i cannot live by these type of dreams but it does get me down a bit. i just hope that human factors in vr does include presence....some of my arguemnets would work, as i mentioned a study that was about attention and presence, and so human factors of attentions would effect the virtusal environment, and sickness takes away the enjoyment thought needed to take part in vr! but its all just a mess really.

apart from that the usual stuff has been on my mind, and still no outcome ahs been seen - I am really praying taht God will give me someguidance about this issue soon, as i am going slightly crazy abut it all. went to town the other day and got some earrings which i have been beeding recently, as i have seemed to have lost quite a few pairs recently which is annoying. i had a picnic with my cell group on firday, we kindof got rained on though, so we had to move it inside, but we looked like right troffers with the number of biscuits and dougnuts that we had! but i was good - i only had onr dough ut and that was it! i think i have put on some weigth over exams, so i am trying to be carefull for a bit. thast all for now i think...oh i have just finished my proposal and ethincs for my project which was supposed to be given in three weeks ago - what a shame...its done now, and they will get it on wednesday..its not very exciting, so they will just have to read pages of boredome.

take care evreyone i hope that you are all fine and dandy, am off to start writng an essay - maybe after i have watch an episode of er!

at the moment i am going crazy...last night i had a really vivid dream about my stats exam and that people were ripping my research design to shreds, and now i am just full of doubt as to what i suggested as my research design, and have just excepted the fact that i will be back in september doing that paper which is just making me feel so sick...i am desperately trying to remember if i actually wrote some of the stuff that i think that i wrote - like i sure hope i wrote about the practical problem of conducting focus groups in the population that i was researching....anyways, i just want to forget about it now, and just move on to the next bit of work that i am workign towards now...it is juts driving me crazy - i hate it when i have such vivid dreams that make me go crazy, it just upsets me that i take these things to heart so much - i know that stats was my weak point, i really do just hope that i have done enough to scrape a pass because i will be so gutted if i have to resit - so upset,

anyways back to essay research, but there are other things that are upsetting me at the moment also, and its all to do with me and my uselessness at sorting things out for myself, as i am too damn lame, and its just beginning to piss me off more than i can even imagine.

yesterdays exam was a shocker...really bad. when talking to ellie yesterday on msn in one essay i went on about presence for half of my essay when i dont know if it even should have been mentioned! oh well...i just thought that it was a challenge to human factors on virtual environments as we dont know how to measure it and how people experience it...oh well never mind....

today is my worst exam, quantitative and qualitative research collection and analysis methods - awful! ita going to be a killer of an exam so we may have to see this paper in september again! still revising it! anyways, better get back to it...see me at 3:30 i will be asleep somewhere as i am so tired its untrue..late nights and early mornings due to revision doesnt make zosia happy.

not in a good mood this morning, keep on having mental blocks as to information and i am very scared....at one point i couldnt stop physically shaking for a long while, and i was crying...not so good. i knew this last night, why dont i know it now??? oh dear, looks like this will be a waffly exam for sure...can we pray that nice questions regarding participatory ergonimics and virtual reality come up please

today i realised just how boring participatory ergonmics was, and how in the exam i may just fall asleep when answering the question because it is soooo dull! and it just doesnt want to stick in my head, so i may be waffling somewhat! virtual reality is slightly more interesting, and thats only because i imagine what i would look like wearing one of the silly head mounted displays....oh my life has just got incurably sad.

changed into my pjs at five, so have stayed in my flat! our kitchen was a work room for agatha biibi and i, and then gharima made some lovely pakoras for us which were really yummy!

um, really not much else - am glad i have tomorrow morning to go over these topics - i really need it, and for once i am not just saying that!

i have been trapped in the bedroom of statistics hell today, and i havnt enjoyed it! its been awful! but hey ho, by tuesday it will be done. tomorrow will be an ergonomics hell, but at least that kindof has a point (somewhat limited but a point is there somewhere!).
nothing much interesting has happened..although flat four had an egg explosion after ocean put his eggs on to boil and then left them...for a long time. i was on an exploration of cloister to figure out where the burning smell was coming from! its good to know that the smoke alarms work so well, as none were activated..

anyways, tea time, before back to the stats
xxx

botched up the timing in my exam, was gutted, am feeling pretty crappy about it...damn it.
um, have just had a massive throw out of stuff in my kitchen as there were six of us in there, so we went through the freezer fridge, stuff on the table and in cupboards - we then moved out the washing machine to find belongigns behind there, so with the help of an umbrella i got them out.

decided am not going to dan the grandads birthday ( he is 26 today), but i gave him an IOU birthday drink to which he has already responded that he is going to hold me to it...typical of the tight scottish bastard!

other thing have gotton me a bit down recently, but three down two to go, the end of exams are in sight...till resits in september anyways!

am tired, but am still doing qualitative stats tonight, and i want to read through ergonomics tonight too...might go to the chippy for some chips for tea - i am really craving them

xxx

have been revising since eight this morning, finished at just gone 11 last night...am tired and stressed as i have had two awful nights sleep in a row, even though i am exhausted...am beginning to think it may be the lucozade i have during exams, as i dont usually intake any caffeine into my system...anyways, feel nervius about this one - its more a timing issue than an info issue i think, for both topics i have revised there is so much i could say thats interesting and useful. um, tonight you would think that i was resting, but no, am going to be doing qualitative revision for stats, and looking over my ergonomics notes for monday...

anyways, back to revision, have about 90 mins before i leave for campus....

God is doing me proud at the moment. came out of todays exam with a smile on my face - if i had a bit more time then i could have written a bit more for both, but i was quite happy with what i have done - managed to display extra reading for both, and i like the way that in nottingham they encourage you to put headings in essays, as that really does help with my structure of my essay so i dont just ramble about any old point.

right, prayers for tomorrow - well its a 1:30 exam so i have less time to cram in the morning, but can we pray that training evaluation comes up, and that 360 degree appraiasal comes up (this one still needs a wee bit of work on the morning!)

cheers..the end of exams are nearly in sight...my handwriting is becoming less legible as the exams go on - pity the fools on tuesday who will be marking the last exam!

take care to anyone else doing exams etc - they are a bugger but we will get through them! and hey - there are always re-sits!

so exam number two at 4:30 today! please pray that teams come up (well teams will come up - in fact two questions about teams will come up) but please can we pray that the questions will be nice, and that i will be able to make the right decision about which one to answer, and that a nice question about models of chnage come up. am doing some cramming now, as i have to, but i am liking this topic more than yesterday, and so do become more engrossed into it.

anyways, better get back to the old revision, feel a bit sick but i know that they are just nerves feeling, but this is not a s bad as i feel when i am outside the room, and waiting to turn over the page...

but hey ho...its nearly over then i can sleep...slept awfully last night, really awfully and i hate rubbish sleeping

1 done, 4 to go, have been revising for the one tomorrow. todays was ok, i know that i could have written better answers if i had the time to, but hey, i have shown evidence of extra reading and stuff that he didnt mention in lectures, so we shall see what happens. had a very nice invigulator too (dont know how you spell that word). um...and i popped down to chapel and cell group were still there which was mega cool, so had a quick pray with them, and they all prayed for me and my exams which was truly fabo...

and to top off the day - dave got us rhubarb and apple crumbles which were very yummy, especially as mine was swimming in custard! it was just what zosia's belly had ordered!

anyways, back to revision - can we pray that a nice question about models of change and teams come up tomorrow please - then i will be a happier bunny.

xxx

scared, scared scared. have just managed to eat something, but i feel very sick...still over three hours before the exam begins - its sux man! anyways, will read over my notes a few more times,but i am in the mindset of if i dont know it now, i never will!
anyways, hate exams - not a test of knowledge, a test of memory. and ben call me a whimp if you want, but these exams a biggies for me...and five in a row sux

first exam tomorrow, am pooing my pants really as its the topic that is crazy - but also saw my tutors about an exam next week, came home and cried about that for two hours as its a mare...right guys, prayers for tomorrow - can we pray persomality assessment comes up, ethical selection comes up and assessment centres come up as they are the three topics that i have prepared and i only need to do two! so lets pray. and while we are here, will ask you to start praying for stats next week that in section b, grounded theory and interviews or focus groups come up...

um, its not till 4:30 tomorrow so i have all day to get worked up and also to get the last pieces of knowledge in my head

well better get a good nights sleep
thanks for the phone call benjamin - it had been far too long

take care
xxx

its going to be a hectic week, with exams wednesday thursday and friday, i am kind of dreading this week happening. seeing more tutors on tuesday to go over a wee bit of work that i am having some trouble with which will be very helpful. just prayers please, that my risky revision strategies will have paid off, thats the most important, as somebody said to me today - its all in Gods hands (well done katy!)

have had two days of awful revision which have not made me happy - i keep on getting awful headaches and trying to battle through them - today i gave up and went to sleep for an hour, and did feel better for doing so. all i can do is try my best at the end of the day - i am not going to put high expectations on myself, i cant - i dont want to be disappointed come results. am just really worried - prayers please!

also, have been trying to figure out another awkward situation i am in, and the more i think about it, the more confused i get, and i am going round in circles, but at the end of the day i dont want to hurt the people involved, and i dont want to hurt myself either, so its not too good.

um, thats all for now, bed time now, church tomorrow, and then hopefully that prayer will have me all fired up for the rest of the day

was scared by my stats lecturer today - very scared, so am knuckling down - have just done two hours of reading as to how to do good research,and made some revision notes - this is officially the worst exam i think...

anyways, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger - have been learning that in many ways over the past few days.

a line from a hymn:

Will you love the 'you' you hide if i but call your name?
Will you qwell the fear inside and never be the same

loved it when we sang it ages ago, and have my prayer book with me on campus today, and so thought it was relevant to how i have been feeling recently

the last few days we have been having revision lectures, and sometimes i wish that people would gag me when i am in these, as i feel the need to say things, even though it makes me look like a prawn, or that i know the topic really well...the thing is i read my notes just before going into these lectures and so i make myself sound intelligent, when really i am not.

have been upset my a few things recently. my emotions are silly - can laugh a lot, then i cry a lot, its all up and down. am fed up, bored of revision, bored of things on my mind just going round and round, and just having a bit of a down time at the moment. most people are being very kind and understanding even though i am being a moody fuckwit at the moment, and for them i am truly thankful. my worst exams revision lecture at the moment, and so i am going to be very quiet in that lecture, and soak in all the knowledge that i can get.

am defering the handing in of my proposal for sure now. Iain - the dude - he is a dude has okayed it with me and the department - and for that i am truly thankful. so that allows me just to focus on the old exams. i am going to see steve some day this week too - that should be helpful.

other than that, just a bit down...just trying to battle on, have got stuff on my mind - the same stuff as before that i have to think about and really decide what i want, and what will be good to me, some people have given me advice on this, mixed advice, mixed support and annoyance, and i know i am going to have to make my mind up, its not the easiest things for me.

anyways, enough criptic shite, back to ethics in selection

ok - its stupid how fast time is just going? i cant believe it - the phrase says time flies when your having fun - but i am not having that much fun, so time just shouldnt be flying like this! i mean, now its only ten days till first exam...my mum told me tonight to not work so hard that the work is stale - i assured her that would not happen, as some things i am literally reading for the first time - which is not clever but the way things go!
so in this last week - nottingham has finally seen some sun and a sense of spring - although its rained this week, its been the summer rain, and even smells of summer rain which is ok! i have been doing 9-6 days in the library - i find the Hallward a nice library to work in, and there are some fit men in there too!
um, i was also offered the chance to defer some of my exams - not a choice that is as easy as it sounds...i decided not to defer any of the exams, but i have asked if i can defer the handing in of my project proposal so that I can just focus on my exams for now...i shall hear back soon, the only problem with that is the ethics decision, but we shall wait and see. but, during that meeting with the disabiloty officer, i also had the chance to show him the revision notes that i had done, and he said that they were ok, and now its just a chance to learn it! am now on beta blockers again too - have changed to a nicer doctor who actually listened to what i was saying which was a blessing.
had cell group outside this week which was really nice...really nice actually. i look forward to that part of wednesday, it really relaxes me...great company, biscuits, good conversation and prayer, cant get much better than that! and then the next few days after leaving the library, i have gone to sit on the bank above the lake for half an hour on the evening sun, having a pray and a think, and just some time out which has been lovely - couldnt do it today because of the rain!
have a few things on my mind, and some situations that i am trying very hard to resolve, but am not getting much help from anybody about them, which is very hard...even God doesnt seem to be doing much (well He maybe is telling me to be patient, and wait and see - but i am ignoring that), and so that is hard. my gran cried down the phone again today, i really dont know what to say when that happens, and it saddens me a lot. i have asked my parents that when my exams and essay are done, that they bring babcia up for the weekend to see me, as she never got to visit me at my last uni, so she can now.
speaking of exeter, am missing that now too. am thinking of all of you in your last year - i know that it really sux to leave the place, especially the chaplaincy, you are all in my thoughts. ben your tops, but get your house phone fixed my darling, and ed and han, i hope that things are both looking good for you too - thinking and praying for you all
take care, back to the old revision for me now!
what joy!
oh - i did win a series of ER on ebay yesterday - am very happy about that - what a treat for after exams
xxx

what a stupidly hard day of work i have done today...was in the library at nine, had some time out for lunch with ellie, and then worked till five - checked my emails and did some research on campus, came home foe simpsons, revised, and after tea instead of watching telly, i got down to writing my research proposal for my applied research project this summer - if you ask me its sounds interesting, but then i have turned boring at the moment, and am a bit of a work whore...want to get these exams done and dusted now, i can see this really dragging on in a very boring fashion. but only 22 days to go, and have promised myself a treat for when exams are over - a series of er on dvd - the ultimate treat! and hopefully it will be deserved...what my treat will be on the 31st of august is as of yet undecided, but september the 1st will be a hangover to look out for!

anyways, time to make me bed up and go to bed...last lecture (excluding revision lectures) tomorrow!