da da da

so the headaches mentioned in the last post continued - it was stupidly painful...so to the doctors i tried to go, but obviously i had to re-register..and i did not know that that only happened on a tuesday. so i rang to make an appointment only to be told this...but as i was also running out of my ad's they squeezed me in. so to the doctors to re-register i went, wheni bumped into my aunt - who is the receptionist at the doctors (not the one that answered the phone to me though)...apparently i had caused a bit of difficulty at the surgery - i didnt care. so i had everything checked - blood pressure, drug use, wieght...the normal. then i thought i could see the doctor - but no - that didnt happen till today. anyways, after re-regestering of to my nans i went, only for a few minutes later for the aunt to arrive...anyways we were talking about stuff, then all of a sudden she turned to me and said, so you know what Zosiu (thats like zosia, but its some funny polish thing when endings cahnge dependent on what is being said in the sentence)..you could do with losing a stone....oh she hads tact. i was put back by this...very put back. she then went to say - but that should be easy for you. WHAT??? i mean...WHAT??? as if i am not down on myself enough...i dont need family telling stuff like that to me.

anyways, so yesterday losing the stone programme started - i went for a looooong walk with my bro (who is very underweight...) in Petts Wood woods...and its lucky he knew where he was going cos i would have got vey lost Blair Witch stylee...i cycled for an hour on the cycle bike...went for another walk, and had some nice veg for my tea declining the offer of mac and cheese my mother had made...

today i had to take my mum to collect our other car from the garage after it broke, i have been exercising loads, reading, but all in all i feel down. i am feeling a bit lonely. one of my closest mates has moved away from the area, others are on holiday, so i just feel a bit lonesome, and obviously also a stone overweight apparently...

i dd however get my 6 films of photos that i sent off for development today...that was very exciting...i mean there were so mnay photos that i had forgotton about (lisa - valentines day party....you in the ambulance....our pimms at the ball....so many funny funny things). i also got the professional photos that Amy and i had done at the graduation ball - and i do have to say that they are very nice photos...

anyways, just feeling that little bit lonely and unloved at the mo...oh so whats bloody new.

zosh xxx

short post...
 
have been ill in the last few days - really bad headaches that i cant open my eyes and i am really feeling sick - mum thinks its migraines...doctors appointment being made.  today my head was so bad i just couldnt stop crying...grr.  poor me - computer screen is hard to look at so am stopping...
 
oh - but my mum says i look nice i my grad photos...
 
zoshx

la la la la la la
 
am going to try and be less stressed in this blog entry...lets see.  yesterday i went into the pit that is Orpington High Street, as i needed to visit the bank, and by some stuff for my nan.  I am also thinking about changing my hair colour as i feel like a change to show that i am moving on, so i was with my mum deciding what colour to go...we made no decision - but i will do it sometime.  i finished a book that i have been reading "Memoirs of a Geisha" - its fab and had some VERY thought provoking sections in it - i thouroughly enjoyed the book.  i then went to my nans and watched a Polish soap opera - its very addictive, and understandable (my nan has Polish satelite you see - Ive been on it dancing!!!).
 
I went to church with my parents last night as my dad was ministering.  We have a new priest from the summer break, and he is from Ghana - and he is just so great.  he was just so encouraging with his sermon, and was so enthusiastic and i really enjoyed the mass yesterday - i dont think my parents liked it that much, but i thought it was great.  I then spoke to the parents of two school friends, but not the two friends themseleves..i dont know whether they go to church anymore - its a sad thing to see.
 
Today i have had the house to myself as my mum and dad went to a Sikh wedding, Andrew was somewhere with Liz, and Peter had gone to Leeds to his best mates wedding.  So i cycled lots, pampered myself, began reading another book in the back-garden until the sun went it, and then continued in the conservatory, attempted (and completed) some of the Daily telegraph puzzles, and then i went to visit my nan as i was not sure if my mum would today or not.  She would not let me do any hoovering or cleaning or ironing for her, so i sat with my grandad for a bit, and then my nan and i watched the next installment of the afore mentioned soap opera.  On arriving home, peter was back from Leeds, and soon the rest of the family ventured in.
 
I now have a plan...to complete my CV, force it upon more temping agencies, chose and sign up to a chrity and then begin my travels...
 
James - i am looking at dates and times and stuff, will email you have found a suitable time, but i need to know when you're free and stuff ...email me if poss...cheers - and say hi to Ella for me - will hopefully see her soon, so she will no longer miss my absence!
 
heard from a very good frind of mine i have not heard from for a while - congrats you genius you - tell me when ur free, and we can have some pubbage in Bromers?!oh the joy if it all...
 
and to everyone else - enjoy if you can and hope to hear from you all soon...
 
Zosh
xxx
(am loving this multi-colour thing - its fab!)

oh dear oh dear oh dear...

why is it so dull where i live?  i mean this week was my recuperation week, but by wednesday i was so bored its untrue...there is just nothing to do.  i even went to the supermarket with my mum this morning to do something.  there are no jobs around at the mo (and i am not working in the slave shop that was the bakery that i worked in last time - i am worth more than just over three pounds an hour), and home is just so restricting...if i do go out i get "where you goimg?  what are you doing? who are you meeting? when you gong to be back? have you got everything you need?"..and i get another spannish inquisition when i have had a phone call...it just drives me insane.  i have been researching for charities to go abroad with and just today after many hours of net surfing (oh the joys of broadband) i found this great placement in zimbabwe looking after lion cubs and elephants in a conservation park with a team of other volunteers. I mean just how cool is that...but i get "but its a bit dangerous there"  my brother last year went back-packing around India and this year has just come back from back-packing around Egypt - like they are not dangerous places either...and in my case i will have supervision too....i mean just ARGH - its all far too stressful here.
 
i have had a lot of independence and i think have grown up more than my parents wanted me too, and they just cant accept the fact that I am not a little girl anymore.  I am the first to put my hand up to say that yes i do have some problems with my health (which are not so good at the mo), but i am tyring to get myself sorted, and i just wish that my family will let me be the person that i am...

so nothing much else to say - seriously my life has been very very very dull recently...

zosh

I wondered how long
 
i wondered just how long it would take for people to go to me "and what about you?" after Peter's engagement was announced...and really it didnt take long at all.  so to everyone else thinking of asking me that question - PLEASE, pretty please with a cherry on top dont ask me that question, because it doesnt make me a very happy bunny at all - in fact it has made me very sad over the last few days...people say it in jest, but really it does get me down...those who know me best will understand why this is the case, and it is not something that i am really in the mood to type about now....
 
anyhows - i gave another pint of my wonderful blood today, although they didnt want me to go, as my blood came out too quickly for their liking, and then it didnt want to stop coming out - as i said i am alsways eager to help causes...and my blood showed this very well!
 
am still trying to catch up the lost sleep from the weekend and calm down from all the excitement that has occurred.  in acyaul fact i am knackered, and coild well and truly do woth a holiday and good weather - but these are both very improbable at the moment - oh dear never mind...
 
other than that nothing much else is going on in the life of me...have written some letters to some charity organisations, lokking for temping work, and altogether trying to come off my A-D's, but this is very very hard, and i am failing at the moment, so that is not going to plan either - but i am trying, so please can you all bear with me.
 
zoshxxx

Part two...
 
so after birks...up the hill we went and i finally gave in my robes (i wanted to get the £31 hiring fee out of them).  i then made my way to St Germans (where my parents were staying) to prepare for the Graduation ball.  I had two hours to get ready...i needed to re-shower and re-straighten my hair - this took ages beacuse i wanted to get it just right - and it wasnt just right - but it was acceptable.  i then did my make-up - this took ages as i had lots to do, and i had to make an effort so that i looked the best that i could.  with ten minutes to go, my mum then had to lace me into my bustiere, and i swear those things give you the best posture ever.  I got my mum to do it really tight so that it would squash my belly right in - amazingly i had got from rags to riches in two hours - with the help of coke and red bull to keep me awake.
 
i then had some photos taken, and then met up with amy, and had some photos done with her...we then got to the great hall where we met up with the others that we knew were sitting at out table, and then got in the queue for the coaches to Powderham Castle - the setting of the Grad ball...
 
and oh what beautiful setting it was, and i had such a fab time at the abll it was unreal.  we got there, and as we were at the first sitting of the meal, we were ushered to our table - that being Blue 18.  the other four people at our table were already there - they were 4 lads who were very friendly and funny.  the starter was already set, but the main course cam on one huge platter.  everyone was too scared to serve, so one of the new guys Tim, and myself, were labelled mummy and daddy, as we served the others with the food - and it was very yummy food, but due to the constraints of my dress i could not eat that much.  then desert came, and we were both mummy and daddy once more...Amy and I felt very sorry for the bottle of red that was on our table, as all the white had gone, so we drank it of course...we were then asked to leave so the next sitting could start, and so we made our way to the complementary drinks tent...
 
Amy and I had some professional phots done - i cant wait, and then we did a lot of mingling with people.  i was told that i looked beautiful by some people - i looked good (well good for me) buit not beautiful - people just say these things to be kind...Amy then persuaded me to go on the fair rides - so off we went, and i denied enjoying them, but they were indeed very fun.  we kept on bumping into the people from our table and having a great laugh with them.  one of my best moments of the night came when i bumped into Chris (the text message dumper) - i was very civil, we asked each other how we got on (he was gutted when he found out i got a first), and he was pleasant when he said "It was really nice to have gone out with you - you taught me a lot", and i just replied "Pity I cant say the same about you", and then gracefully walked off!  i felt so proud...
 
the night just flew by...and before long the dance tent ended with the good old greenday song "it something unpredictable but in the end its right, i hope you had the time of your life" - and i can well and truly say that i did.  It was very emotional saying goodbye to people, laughing and crying, but it was fab, just a beautiful beautiful end to a fantastic three years of my life.
 
waiting for the coach back, i was having some sinkage trouble, and thankfully i was next to some very nice men who kept on lifting me out of the grass.  at this time - we had all had plenty to drnk (free wine ALL night) and things were getting very silly - i had grdauated with traffic hand-siganalling degree, and the man to my right just a plan traffic handling degree...oh dear.
 
i eventually fell into bed at five...
 
saturday - was just very tiring - two hours of sleep later, i had to get up, and take off make-up and pack up room.  my parents came to collect me and we did the undeground passages, and went to dawlish.
 
at home i saw ny bros that i have not seen for ages - peter came back froim egypt the other day...
 
and this is where my final little paragraph comes... i want to say a huge congratualtions to my brother Peter, and his now fiance Dav who got engaged whilst travelling in Egypt and plan to marry next year.  You two go together so well, and i am so happy for you guys its crazy.
 
what an emotional few days...uni is finally over, my new life begins, and for Peter and Dav, hopefully the beginning of a beautiful life together.
 
love zosh xxx

so so much
 
so much has happened in the last few days it seems a bit silly, but never mind, i will try and inform you all about it.  well thursday was the great drive back down to exeter...i got my keys for my room in birks and was so impressed with what i had - i had a kettle and a fridge in my room, towels and sheets, lots of hospitality stuff, it was just fab.  in the eveinig my parents and i collected lisa, and all tne stuff that i had stored in her room, and we went for an indian - which was lush, and also fulfilled lisa's wish to meet my mum.
 
friday - well this day felt like twenty days rolled into one.  i had had an awful night sleep as the other people staying in birks were just so noisy, so i was up before seven, showering and straightening my hair, although it wasnt doing what i wanted it to do.  i then got myself all suited and booted as this morning was my graduation.  i went ot breakfast and they were persuading me to eat a full english, but i was so nervous i could only manage a few spoons of cereal...anyway i then made my way up to Peter Chalk where i met my parents, and got myslewf gowned...the exeter hood is a bluey/grey hood - quite pretty i thought, and i had a hat, but it took me ages to actually get one that fitted me.  We then had some photos ataken, and then i made my way down to the lower exam hall, where i had my professional photos done - they give you an instant print of one, and my parents were pleased with mine - i thought it was ok - i hate photos though.  then i was talking to all my friends outside the hall, and then we had the graduation itself.
 
the talk given by the vice-chancellor was actually very funny, and i quite enjoyed it...but clapping thousands of SoBE people was just -oh - but then came psychology's moment of glory.  Don Mitchell (head of psych) said my name wrong - i always knew that would happen - but i can safely say i was the first of my year to graduate.  i didnt fall over, i remembered to do my little dip, and my hat didnt fall off - so all in all a good graduation.  after i met my parents, and we went down to Washington Singer where psychology were holding a wine reception, and we did the obligatory throwing of the hats...after that back up the hill we walked (havign had a photo outside of singer proudly displaying my lovely certificate) to the quad for the BBQ which was lovely, and we had some champagne.  it suddenly became very sunny and i was very very hot in all my robes, but i really wanted to get some pictures of me in my robes at reed, so off we went.  then i sat on the Exeter Uni sign infront of singer...and then we went to birks to collect all the stuff that i needed for the rest of the day....
 
and i shall tell you all about that in pert two....

well well well

the weather here at the moment is so uninspiring it's just horrid..its so bleak and grey and on/off heavy showers you cant do anything interesting like go for walks (its very cold too), so i feel like a prisoner in my own home...
having said that on saturday my mum and i made our way to London so that I could get a ball dress and a graduation outfit (i have a serious lack of smart clothing)...so off we went. On advice from my friend Susannah, we made our way to Finsbury Park, where we found this absoultely amazing dress shop, which had thousands of dress (and that is no joke), so many styles in a variety of colours, it really would have benn crminal if i came out of thee emtpy handed. i tried on a few dresses (i hate dress shopping, as i am of a weird shape), and from advice from my mum, and other people in the queue for the dressing room, i have got a pink number, which is a sequined and beaded bustiere, and a long skirt, and mathcing shawl, and apparently it looks really good on - although you know what i am like about these things. We did a little exploration of finsbury park and came to the conclusion that there must be very few Polish people left in Poland, as they were all there - i got a bag in the shop, and when she gave it to me, i replied in Polish - and she was so surprised, that a) my mum and i can speak polish and b) we could also speak in the correct tenses (well i was surprised at b as my polish is a bit hmmm)
back on the tube we went and made our way to oxfors street, where it was a nightmare to find a simple black skirt (it really was a nightmare), but eventually i managed to find one, and a reall smart blouse, or a really smart (and sexy at the same time), black and whit off the shoulder top to go with it...i havnt quite decided which top to got with yet, it is really dependednt on the weather...i hate shopping, and felt sorry for my poor mum, as i was getting very frustrated as in shops when you try on clothes, you are alwaysscrutinisng every last bit of your figure, and i know that sounds stupid, but you do, with mirrors everywhere you look its all a bit grrr

anyway, we had to leave London, as I was reading at the saturday service at out church this week. usually a prefer to go on sundays as this is when they do the sung mass, but as i was reading (well filling in for my big big bro) who is on holiday, i ahd to read.

sunday and today have been fairly low key days..i have done unpacking and ruthless chucking of things that as i said "if i havnt used in the last two years, then i obviuosly havnt missed" - its a good technique - i now have room for a lot of my new uni things...am also reading a very good book, and have got completely up to date with the affairs of the world...

have also applied to many job companies, and travel companies, but getting responses from places seems to be impossible, and that is all....

hope people are having more fun than i am...ahve no plans to go abroad yet - oh how i'd love to go abroad..
and one last little gem - you know the "i saw this and though of you" adverts...well my mum said that to me when she came back from the supermarket the other day - so i got all excited at the prospect of getting some nice make-up, or pamper kit, or even chocolates...but no...my mum saw always ultra on offer and thought of me...thanks mum.
zoshxxx

bored...

bored damnit. there is nothing to do in chislehurst - especially when the weather is poo. have read books, even unpacked some of my stuff, nan-visited....grrr. got some stuff from abroad charities i had applied to - for one i had to be over 21 (which i am), but have had to had two years fo post-grad experience...this is impossible for anyone like me just over 21 - why dont they say 23???really some people...so at the mo travelling plans are being put on hold, and i am trying to find some work experience/temping placements in HR so that i can get the next part of my career on track...
if only i wasnt so bored...

and my neck is really bad at the mo - it hurts so much - even when lying down - i think i have done something to the muscle there - but ouch..

on the plus side i am cycling 22k every day - thats just over 500 calories on the cycle bike - yay!
zosh

home sweet home?

well i have been at home a few days now, and still am not unpcked - well my clothes are, and other important bits and pieces, but some of my stuff is still in Exeter (thank-you lisa), and the rest well, i have to find room for it all - which is a task that i will thoroughly enjoy!

since i have been at home, i have seen my nan a few times and she looks better then wehn i left (she still has the shingles juts not as bad), but grandad has gone done hill, he is just so vacant now - its horrid. I have been trying to catch up with my sleep that i have lost out on this term, and this is a lot of sleep - i have done a hell of a lot of cycling on my cycling bike cos i want to look good for my gradutauion, and yesterday i went back to school - the good old Newstead Wood. I was asked to give a talk about psychology and about Exeter uni to the year 12's to help them with their UCAS applications. It was really good but strange going back. I saw 4 of my old form tutors and none of them could believe that I got a first..the history teacher who said that i would not get above a C at hostory A-Level nearly fainted when i told her my degree result, and the deputy head was just chuffed for me. It was so strange being back at school, and that just showed me how much i had actually grown up in the last few years.

I am now trying to get some of my travelling sorted, but it doesnt look that likely naymore, as it is very expensive, and the places that i have asked for information have not got back to me...so it looks like i will be going back to the original plans of finding an HR job, and then applying to an MSc - and i saw a really good course that funds people with firsts - amazing!

Today i went to the local town centre - Bromley ( a pit really), to try and find a ball dress for graduation ball, but there wasnt eally anything there, so my mum says she will got to London with me at the weekend - a bit of a chore, so i hope that i will find something.

Yesterday, as my mum is resigning from her job there was a huge BBQ for all the people in her department at our house - now as it was my mums party i wanted her to have a good time (what a nice daughter i am), so not only did i do the BBQ, but i also did the washing up - what a lovely girl i am - really i am. it was a nice evening - i have not seen my mum so relaxed for a long time, and that was so nice to see.

am missing all you lovely exeter people a bit, just the laughs and adventures that we went on. if anyone is in exeter between 15-17th of july - tell me and see if we can catch up for 5 mins when i am down for my graduation - and staying in the luxury that is birks!

so long for now - back to home life - grr - parents - they love me and all, but they are very controlling...grr

zoshxxx

BYE BYE EXETER

today is my last day of uni....hmmm...all very sad really - i am at james' house - using robs computer - thank you rob! - just to blog goodbye to everyone...

thank you for making my time at exeter great everyone - have had a wicked last week - with the summer ball, and my first and hopefully last time in an ambulance (thanks lisa), and stayed all the way to six!

wednesday was the dreaded results day - but hey - i got a first! cant quite believe it myself, but never mind - its all there in black and white - so yay i suppose!

better go back to packing - people should come around for drinks tonight if you can...

bye bye exeter - but i WILL be back!

love zoshxxx