REALISATIONS...

i know that this has been coming for a very long time, but i actually cant believe that this is my last week at university - it is very sad, but at the same time, i do have to move on and leave this student bubble and enter the big wide world and take all it has to throw at me. it is going to be one of the scarriest things i do raelly, as i dont know what the future holds (who really does i dont know), but over the last few years i have had to grow up so much and overcome some of the most difficult things ever that i feel that another battle should not damage me too much.

yesterday was my last sunday mass at the chaplaincy...Fr Paul did a sermon about journeys and moving on...and what he said was very true, university is just a chapter in what i hope to be a very long and happy life, and now that it is coming to and end i do have to move on, however sad that may be. I was able to choose the hymns that we sang, so i chose all my favourites. "Do not be afraid" - how apt - one thing i know is that when i do approach a situation that i dont know how to act in, God will be there for me..."you are mine oh my child i am your Father, and I love you with a perfect love" - just beautiful. It was tearful...but lovely. my time at the chaplaincy has been just lovely, and i want to thank everyone there for making it so welcoming and such an enjoyable place to go to.

After mass, i had got some gifts for the Cathsoc committee, so that they each had something to remember me by, they were only little things, but i had tried to get something that I thought represented that person. I got Mark my favourite book of all time (and before you say anything...i KNOW that i have not read every book in existence, but out of those that i have read, this is my favourite). i began reading it from the beginning again, as i usually read my most loved bit of the book, and it is just amazing. "it is sad to forget a friend. Not everyone has a friend". this is very true and i know that i will not forget any of my friends from the chaplaincy, and i hope and pray that you wont forget me either. in the book, the Little Prince meets a very wise fox, who needs to be tamed as when this happens "we shall need one another. To me, you will be unique. And i shall be unique to you" everyone needs friends - i know that over the last year - even over the last month my friends have got me through one of my biggest struggles, and you are all so special in your unique ways - thank you. but the wisest words of the fox were still to come when they were saying goodbye "now here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with one's heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisble to the eye...For what you have tamed you are responsible for forever." so guys, i love you all so much, you are all so special and have shown me so much care, and i hope that we can stay in touch as the fox states is so important.

so now i am off to enjoy my last week with all you good people...neck pain permitting...

love you all
zoshxxx

yay!

lisa and i shopped on tuesday - amd it was great - we gpt out shalws and shoes, and added to that i got a skirt, some cds, some videos and we got t-shirts printed....we also got pig out food and went back to Lisa's where i chatted with her housemates, until i braved it home - but thanks to a nice bus driver who after i signalled to him to wait for me...he did - what nasty weather it was!

wednesday - it was very windy yesterday - very very windy, and i had to do a stuednt rep thing...initially it was only going to be a talk, but i ended up having to give a tour also...grr as it was wet, i showed tehm the places they specifically showed an interest in...and then we chatted in cornwall house about Exeter college. i started off with nine, and returned with 3! - the others just wanted to go home, and really i didnt blame them! I was supposed to be telling them about uni, but i was telling them to go to uni in a different town to the one that they had lived in - especially as you can see exeter college from exeter uni...anyhow...my talk was ok, and the lunch was good.

i then made my way home, dropped off some stuff and headed to James' and searched through his phots of the year and copied the ones that i wanted...all 190 of them...thanks to Rob, i got them burnt onto a cd which was loevly of him to let me do that.

cathsoc today was good. Mass was the vigil mass for John the Baptist, and then afterwards we all just chatted and were talking to the man that used to come here ages ago, and took the photos in the corridor...after James, Amy, Lisa and I with a bit of help from Adrian and Mark towards the end had ourselve s abit of vodka (that had been in the freezer...and had actually frozen - hmmm) but it melted quickly and was good. Vodka is best served from the freezer - it becomes more syropy and easier to swallow - and tastes better! anyways the evening just continued with laughter and teasing at it usually does. I put lisa to bed - she had fallen asleep on the couch - and then chatted to james and amy, before we all departed to the land of nod ourselves...

today i have been shopping again - but not for me this time - well a few things were for me, but other things were gifts for others...hmm intriguing. but all will become clear very soon...i love shopping for other people - it was a lot of fun - and i even popped into the shop that Fr Paul claimed was far too religious for me...and you know, some people even go as far as calling me a Catholic!

footie tonight - prayers for England please...

and hello to Rachel - if she is reading this in Malta - its very quiet in the chaplaincy without you..

and to my tearful, troublesome and tipsy other...chin up...it will be ok next year - love you!

zosh xxx

well...

i have not blogged for a while - please forgive me...you see for me to get internet access i have to walk up to campus to use the library...well here it is anyways...

on saturday we had a fab retreat - i mean absoultely beautiful...everyone was calling me mummy because i had tried to think of everything possible, including first aid kit, extra food, hymn books...but it was a great day - the tor (buckland beacon) was absoultely stunning, just beautiful, and it had the ten commandments written on it (helpful for a Cathsoc retreat), and we had plenty of time for personal prayer, Tessa did a meditation, Rachel did a Prayer group, I did some music, Rachel did a rosary on the walk back, and lisa did games - so it all went well. the card idea by rachel was just fab, and it is something that i will treasure forever, te messages written inside were just lovely...thank you for a great day to everyone who went...it was very special and lovely...

the evening was somewhat marred when a housemate came and said to me "the kitchen is a fucking state, and has been in a fucking state all year"....now anyone who knows mw, knows that i hate the kitchen being in a mess as much as the next person...i do my washing up everyday, and there have been many times in the year when i have spent two hours just washing up everyone elses stuff, and cleaning the grills after other people have used them, so i thought that that dig at me was somewhat unfair, especially as three other housemates use that kitchen, so do cathsoc and so do outside groups. being spoken to in such a way was disgusting and upset me a lot, especially as i do clean the kitchen, the areas that i use, and the things that i use...nobody should have the right to speak to other people like that...it is very unfair and uncalled for.....

for the last few days, i have been reading...i love reading but just have not had the opportunity to do it for ages, so i have been reading and reading and reading and it has been great.

in a mo i am meeting up with lisa to do some shopping, although i have just bought three videos from the book shop on campus....but we are shopping for shawls and shoes for the summer ball next week, for which i am very excited....

tomorrow i have my last student rep activity to do, i have to speak for an hour it says - i was told 10 minutes - what a lie....dont have a clue as to what i am going to say - never mind...
anyways that has got me up to date somewhat....
will blog again soon

zosh xxxx

they think its all over....its is now

well, thats it...my degree is in the hands of the markers now...all done and dusted...my last exam was odd..the two topics that i was really hoping would come up, came up, but in really nasty forms, so i did the other two questions which were also ok...when i got out of the exam room, James and Ella were there to meet me - that was nice, and then we went to the Ram where i met the other people from my course and lisa and amy and caz, and we had a celebration...we then went to the chaplaincy to have a cheaper celebration, and then to James' to celebrate some more...it was good, and it is a nice feeling to have it all done...

yesterday james, ella, rob, lisa and i were going to go to Paignton zoo...i went with james and ella, rob and lisa went earlier, they were supposed to meet us there...they didnt, never mind, i had a fab day with james and ella - we came to face to face with a cheetah, that was beautiful, and we saw lots of feeding times, and got stickers, went on the train and everything - rob and lisa didnt do that, they missed out. then in the evening it was the cathsoc bbq - poor ella cut her finger pretty bad, so they had to go to A&E..i cooked lots of food, and it was yummy - poor ella's finger - but she got a krowka - she said cutting her finger was worth it for that....but the pain she was in in the evening, i just dont think so....

today...well the thought of finally finishing uni is settling in...so i just plan to enjoy these last two weeks as much as i can, and try and not let certain things that are getting me down at the mo, get me down anymore....

well thats all for now folks...
zosh xxx

one day left...

just one day left of this miserable world that is revision and then freedom...
i have just come out of a revision study group that went quite well and cleared up some stuff that i was having issues with which is always good, now im in the library about to start the last solitary cramming of revision...my neck is still very painful, but hopefully my new pain killers will help. i havnt blogged about my bad neck cos most people know about how painful it is, and the blowing maltesres yest really didnt help at all - it hurt a lot last night - never mind...

anyways i just want it all to be done, cos then i can relax and enjoy the last few weeks of the experience that is university - bring it on i say

one more lousy day to go..
bad hayfever today - very bad....
zosh xxx

what an annoying morning

i got to campus early this morning, so i could get my reading out of the resources box, but the psychology department, had very cleverly lost the key, and so i have not been able to get the reading that i came up to get...instead i have attempted to learn about the frontal lobe and what it does actually do, but as in many other areas of psychology "evidence is still restricted and more studies are to be conducted"

brain and mind is a bit of a tough module you see, and i have the exam in a weeks time, that should be enough time to get the info in, and i am doing my best to revise it, have to knuckle down hard i think now though and really gte it in, some topics are much much nicer than others...

my other exam last friday was ok - could ahve been better could ahve been worse

my quiz on sunday that i did in hindsight was quite hard, but i think that most people did enjoy it...dunno. dont care

back to brain and mind...have to get this info in my head somehow
and well done to amy - for managing to complete her degree - well done my lovely - you are just fab

zoshx

just a quick blog to note the crapness of my first exam - it was a game of lets try and twist all the knowledge that i have to fit the quastion - people warned me that slatre could be evil, and indeed he was....but never mind, its done now, and thats all i can do....but i did mention his study in my exam answer - as an evaluation of the method that was used...will that get me brownie points? ph i dont know anymore...next one on friday - i hope it goes better

zosh x