maybe you can get to lisa now! jameslisa has helped me! clever lisa

why hasnt the link worked? james help me!

am trying to make a link to Lisabut it isnt really working - lets see if it has now!

thursday 29th january
ok - so not happy...my project is hit a big HALT cos my stimuli are wrong - if they had told me 14 weeks ago when i first gave them to my supervisor than it would be fine - but no, they tell me after 14 weeks, when i only have 7 weeks left to do the project - GREAT! i wouldnt care if it was some work that was minimal but this is 45 credits and out of 120 thats quite a few...and its my finals-dont they understand we get stressed about these things...am waiting to hear from my supervisor cos i am to have a talk with him...he is being nice to me...i think that my tutor may have had a word with him.
have to apologise for lack of stamina at cathsoc yesterday...my mind was windering all way through the talk - so cant really tell you what was said, and then when the others were chatting, i was practically passed out on the sofa - sorry guys - will be better next week...
thank you paul for playing the guitar yesterday..twas great...and lisa the saxophone was cool.
can now do cpr and save lives - feel impressed. AND i might be having my brain scanned - how exciting...
thats all for now
xx

wed 28th jan
just a quick blog today as have a first aid course in a few minutes...didnt go out yesterday - couldnt be bothered to waste money trying to make myself feel better when i knew it wouldnt have done anything...so i read three articles - made notes on two..and finished writing up all my essay notes! wohoo! Paul also taught me the hymns - thankyou - one was on a cd so have been listening to it...thanks lisa for offering to come and help me you lovely chicken...not much else to say..have to go to town later cos we have run out of bog roll which just cant do...cathsoc tonight am looking forward to the problem with pain II hope its as goos as last week.
bec - thank you for being good - much appreciated my dear - now going to learn how to save a few lives
xx

tuesday 27th january
so last night i felt all shitty, so before anyone could tell me to go to the gym, i came to the gym this morning, just had a fabulous work out, and now i am ready to face my work...so why did i feel shitty? well to be honest i dont really know...yesterday i had done some work, looked for jobs and had a meeting, nothing too bad..i just felt down never mind. now i am off back home wanting to watch the news as i am veruy interested about this higher eductaion bill - i hope it fails cos we as students pay too much already.

and i got a text from tessa - bless her (hehe that rhymes), she is praying for my singing - thanks - need all the help i can get learning these ones...she is also having a giggle at me really..i mean deserting me like that.
good luck in your exam lisa am sure it will be fine you genius you....
off home to work and shower...unsure as to if i want to go out tonight or not...will see how my work goes...
xxx

Monday 26th january
busy busy weekend...
friday after handing in essays helen, kat and i drank, and drank and drank and then made our way to the lemmy.
saturday - got up early - to get some food as my bro and Liz were coming down - and i also straighteened my hair which i have not done for a while. andy and lioz came, i showed them around town and campus, got the food for cathsoc, and then in the evening we went to two pubs, an indian restaurant and a bar - and andrew and liz paid for it all - Thank you!
Sunday - after a night on the floor (liz had the spare room, andrew had my bed), i got up early, and got ready and then when lisa and tessa came started learning the music for mass...tessa and i learnt the psalm, but we failed to learn the other hymn in time - sorry paul - but you sang it better than we could have! after the service where liz gave her talk about the student cross we had yummy baked potatoes with cheese and beans and coleslaw...mmmm....james' potatoes were huge!!! and mark ate three! how i dont know...after lisa and i tried to go over all the hymns i have to learn for wednesady and next sunday - tessa kindly telling me she was not going to be there for either...i dont know them so i btter had practice really - but it was very scary - even lisa saw how much i was shaking when i sang the Gloria yesterday - i was a nervous wreck - never mind...
as lisa and james have mentioned we have had some change in the music - but i dont mind it really - sometimes singing the same hymns can get dull, and although learning new ones can be quite hard, it is quite fun, and does make a change.
and Paul - if you have some time before wednesday - i would be truly greatful if you could play the hymns to me so i know what they are supposed to sound like - so i am not going in truly blind - thank you!
today i have a school representative forum meeting to attend in about ten minutes which is not as posh as it sounds, but i get to learn stuff about the guild and what the uni should be doing but isnt always doing...i am then also going to look for some jobs...its reading week this week. and i am going to do reading too - it would be foolish not to!
thank you for James - you can now leave comments on my blog because of him! i hope that you have done your revision
Lisa - am glad that a certain person has brightened up your weekend - maybe this will increase your confidence now...
good luck to all of you with exams this week, i pray that they all go well for you
and i am considering doing student cross - maybe that will mean the exeter and bristol cathsocs COULD do something in the future if they ever have the politeness to REPLY TO EMAILS!!!grrrr they missed out on one of the best formals ever...they did invite Exeter Cathsoc to their party after Lisa placed a very unsubtle comment - mine was very subtle...so subtle it almost went unnnoticed! never mind - bristol cathoc wont make me cry again...
oh and i am veru excited about being allowed to be an honarary member of the committee next term - thank you for allowing me to do that!
xxx

Friday 23rd Jan
well here goes nothing (well thats a lie - here goes 20 credits of work!) well my essays are just about to be printed and put in the nice brown box in the psychology department! and then off to teon as a well done me, and the drinking later - i deserve it...had my last disability seminar yesterday! Yay! only one seminar series to go...the end is nigh....
have a jolly weekend - my bro is coming to see me, am very excited...had better tidy my room really - do that after town!
bye for now
ps james was supposed to do something to my blog, but he has done something odd to his so...
and lisa - dont worry - read the email i sent you - no shit from no-one remember...that was a sad blog entry - here for you always as always...

thursday 22nd january
an just one extra thing - remember to remind me NEVER to give Kristian a can of coke before a talk....a glass next time...glass!

thursday 22nd january
exactly three months before i am 21! wow....
ok so havnt blogged for a while - here is my life for the last few days
monday afternoon -had headaches so slept and then did some reading about prosopagnosia
Tuesday - result - essay extension had been given to whole year - how good did i want to feel? finished the references to my essays - at last just need to print them off now, and tried to decrease the introduction to my project. in the evening i wathced the child of our time programme - very interesting as that is what my seminar course was in...and result number two - my computer is alive again, and my data was still on there -so wohoo!
wednesday - well yesterday i had a tutorial where i had a general moan, and then i saw my project supervisor as i had got myself all confused and so he spoke everything through with me in simpletons talk - wohoo!so i rushed home and managed to do my intro - within the ten percent word limit thing too! genius! he didnt tell me the answers to anything - i had to work myself through it all from what we had been discussing, but he indicated that it was good - and i spoke through my intro with him, and he said that waht i was doing seemed to be good.

in the evening - well its wednesday - which means one thing - Cathsoc. i sung a solo - very scary - shook lots. would have shut eyes like i usually do but i had only learnt the melody 20 minutes previously - so didnt know words either - never mind - i think it was ok - not too sure...after i opened the bar (as per usual) and then we had a talk by this guy called John, about the problem with pain, and if God loves us why do we suffer. I like to think that he does love us loads (well I know he does), and that suffering is his way of showing us that times can be shit, but when they are good they are wicked. if we didnt suffer than we would not know who to turn to when we are suffering. I turn to God when i am low, or when disasters happen in this world, and i knwo that he will help in someway - if its just getting people to help. I think that suffering is an important thing - to show us that emotions of all kind are important to experience. but at the same time, i think that some people do suffer more than others, but hopefully that will strengthen their faith - that is what i am trying to do...
Tessa and I were going to practice our hymn for sunday - but it was tres late, and she had to walk home...so we are just going to learn it on sunday - help us please!
so lisa James Paul and i chatted about the talk, and other things and have a laugh...i cleaned up the glasses and locked up the bar...and slept.
today - have been working on a presentation am giving this afternoon, am just reading over essays, have a seminar this afternoon, and thats about it really!

wow long blog today. James who is supposed to be revising said that he will make my blog more interesting...you may soon be able to write comments on this, and see colours - wow! but he has to revise first...
lisa had a long blog yesterday - shes an oddun our lisa (NOOOOOO!)
and paul - i hope you have enjoyed your daily updates of our blogs....

the guy next to me has just hit his computer - ok.....
x

monday 19th january
ok - so yesterday i was stressed and having a bad day - as you can tell. not all my days are bad - i have good days - and some half good days too - its not all bad...just at the mo its not that good. but its not all bad - i cant state that enough. everyone has problems and i know that - i am just having trouble dealing with mine at the mo...

anyways have had a good morning. had the student staff liason committee this morning, and helen and I kicked butt! basically we are not getting the support that the handbook and the uni TQA manual says that we should be getting from our department - and my oh my directors of undergraduate studies was not happy when this was raised...but i had fun raising it, and trying to get the staff to admit that they were in the wrong, and having to wriggle in their chairs. normally nothing exciting happens in this meeting, but it was very exciting today...well at least all the staff know us now...and i might have had our next semester essay deadline increased - so that will be good too! so that was a good way to start the morning...

have just put all the references on my essays, a few more read throughs checking grammar and spelling, and then i will see what helen thinks of them...bring on friday

have booked a meeting with my supervisor too - i need to ask him questions about my project i have got all confused with, so hopefully he will be able to help me, but i have to see if my computer can get fixed - i hope all my data has been saved - i have to give it some TLC.

anyhows - just to say yesterdays blog was a stressed blog on a bad day - not to worry, life goes on...my bro comes on saturday to see me which will be nice, and hopefully my project can really get going once i have my problems sussed in my head (with the project that is...)

i was told by my family to go to bed with a smile on my face, and i should wake up with a smile on my face foir a good day - i will see if this little gem works...

Sunday 18th january
i dont normal approach the library on a sunday - what an insane thing to do, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My computer is failing to do anything - i dont have a clue what it wrong with it, but it made me cry loads as there is a lot fo stuff on there that is important - ie my essays. luckily it crashed just after my latest save, so have come to campus to read the crap essays through and get the references in. i mean, substandard essays are not good - am in a panic - am so glad i have a tutorial this week - i really need to chat to him.

mass this morning was good. really good hymns, really good sermon, really good pizza (thanks tessa and iceland of course). i placed many problems in God's hands like we were given the opportunity to. He knows what they all are now...

so last night amy and i had a few people round - had fun. james and mark came, and lisa opened the wine once the old tart had been drunk (thanks Lisa) everyone left lisa and i chatted for ages, and then i went to bed, and did some good praying.

it seems that i have written some things on my blog that have offended some people. what you have to realise is, this is my relief, and it is my mind just writing everything that is on it to clear it. what i write is my perception of situations at a particular moment in time when i am in a particular kind of mood. it just so happens that today i am feeling proper shit, and have been crying for the last few hours cos everything is hitting me. my blog is my blog - its my online journal. its a place for me to write what i want. if it does offened people sometimes then i am sorry, we all have our moments, and at the same time, man i have been hurt and lost so many times, i really dont think i need to put my false happy face on for my blog. i am fed up of having to hide behind something that just says yeah im fine in a happy smiley way - when deep down i am feeling shitty. at the end of the day when i wirte this, i am not thinking a lot, i just write what my mind tells me. sometimes, maybe the truth should be kept in, but when it is bugging ME, and doing it beyond belief that i am hurting..then pray tell...why shouldit not go on MY BLOG? i dont think that people should complain really and truly because what they need to realise is that many of the problems do come from me, and my attitude (at the moment extremely negative) towards life. i cant help that...its just the way i am at the mo. other people have their own ways for helping themselves at times like this...but i have not found a way that is very successful for me at the moment, and this is just one method for me to have a rant.

when i sat down and started this blog i had all intentions of being positive and negative. what people must take from this blog, is that i love all my friends dearly - they have helped me and guided me through some of my worst times ever. 2003 can safely go down as a terrible year, but there were people out there to say - hey zosh - dont give up you can continue...and man all that support was fucking fantastic. but what you all have to realise is that i am very sensitive person, i am very anxious about everything, and when you are depressed even the littlest things get you down (when i was so bad i was crying when a pen ran out - or when i had run out of paper) little stupid things like that. i do have a tendency to compare myself to others, and when people are coping better than i am, or are enjoying life more - i do get jealous (which i know is really bad) and i do begin to think what is so wrong with me. all this hurts me beyond belief. I dont think that these problems can be called childish...it just shows that friends are wicked...the best...but soemtimes without knowing it, they do things which make me feel low, and so when i feel low i blog.

i hope that has cleared some things up....and that i can now go home and just do some more reading, and get these crap essays finished tomorrow, so they can be put out of my mind, so i can concentrate on my project...

friday 16th january
my main reason for coming up to campus today was to sign up for a first aid course, but i thought i would do this first. went out last night and had a much needed rant with my friend helen - as i said it was much needed, but unfortunatly this still doesnt solve the problem with how to tell someone that they are annoying the hell out of me at the moment. but it was a good night - drank a bit but it was nice...
have worked this morning, to allow this trip to campus and will work again the afternoon, and maybe even evening. i might try cooking today too - just havent been bothered to eat proper food - an existance of tosat and satsumas cant be doing much good to me.
would like the thanks to lisa for her kind words on her blog...you're great too.

and hey - we are going to go to scotland - am soooooo excited - i hope u are too - i mean just imagine us on the scottish highlands causing havoc - great! and am sooooo looking forward to the retreat i really hope it happens.
not much else to add...
will practice my juggling so James doesnt tell me off for not doing so...must go and get signed up for the first aid course
xx

thursday 15th jan
wow cathsoc last night was good. mass was small but good - i really do think that i represent marmite, and Kris' lemon idea was very good - i did wonder at first - but i am there with it now. i like the fact we can sing really well with no music - i liked the hymns that we sang...after we had a mini committee type thing, and just had a big big laugh and arranged when we were doing what. And WOHOO!!! we are going on a retreat - how exciting, friday night to sunday morning - now i just hope that the GUILD give us money to do it...evil guild say we have to take down some of our photos from the website though - so we are making it a cathsoc thing - chose what photos we want and put up captions - should be funny. then we ate choc and juggled. my friend from school rang which was lovely - she seems good - we are both busy, but getting there

yesterday afternoon, i was getting my essay down from 5,300 words to 4000 words - a bit of a task really - but have kindof managed it - if you include the 10% limit your allowed! as if they actually count words anyways!

also read infant development things - wow babies are so clever...just had a seminbar today - that wsa ok - better than i thought it will be - it was about dementia and how it effects people and stuff - and i know quite a bit about it already cos of my grandad i did some reading of the topic. but it was ok - am feeling a bit empty though. chatted with paul yesterday-i need a better social life it seems - well its lucky that i have a social tonight, and helen is up for us having a good time - i like that kindof a plan! will get dressed up nice too - time to make an effort me thinks...

nothing much else to blog - just work and stuff really
never mind - the life of zosh really is as dull as it seems
zosh x

wednesday 14th january
well have spent two hours doing the introduction to my final year project - i am slightly over the word limit, so will have to see my supervisor, but i cant see how i can reduce what i have written - never mind. i am just waiting for my next batch of stimuli and participants so i can carry on with the rest of the project - it is all getting interesting now. so i have been working hard doing this project over the last few days, as i want to get it sorted in my head, it is importamt you see. facial processing is such a complicated process, with theories being flung around wildly left right and centre, but i have the important articles read and highlighted - i think anyway. have also been getting up to date with reading from other seminars so i can just go over it when it comes to revision in the summer. people seem to have this conception that I dont work very hard, but i really do, i am ding 9-5 days and more really, and i worked in the holidays to get my essays done. i have always said that i will work hard at uni, so that in the future i would have no regrets about the result i get - you only get out what you put in at the end of the day.

as i have been feeling stressed and down recently i went to the gym yesterday morning. I had a good hours work-out and used 570 calories! how good is that - and that is not even counting how much i used walking up the hills to get to the gym! i was impressed with my effort. It made me feel better for the time being anyways...

went out to Arena on monday night for a night out with the girls - and this time i had made an effort to get all glammed up. the evening was weel deserved as i had worked hard all day, and just needed to go out...well i have been in exeter for a week and not gone out yet...so i think i can say it was allowed. it was a good night, i had a laugh and chat with people, even managed a polite hello, hug and peck on the cheek continental stylee with Jonty - u see dutch courgae works sometimes. No he was actually ok with me, which makes it argh cos he was horrid before and now he is nice and now i am all confused but not many people (including my dearest Amy) understand. i have a lot on my chest about that, but i feel that my blog is not the right place to vent those feelings cos i dont want to upset anyone, but it is just argh in my head at the mo.

cathsoc tonight - am looking forward to it, getting to see some familiar faces again. Kareb has chosen some of my favourite hymns (lets all pray for Karen and her Dad) for both tonight and sunday.

not much else to add apart from me working hard and not doing much else
zosh x

just read the first line when that was published - it makes little sense i know - sorry brain is mush at mo - have been reading too much about prosopagnosia

monday 12 january
wow what a miserable blog thursday was, am so sorry to have out you all through reading that - its a killer entry. well it is the first monday of term, and am in the library already, trying to write the introduction to my final year project - have come to a bit of a writers block at the mo, and need to read a new journal that i have found, so am taking a break. It is quite interesting, but hard work...but at the moment there are no complaints.

So last friday i had a headache - but it was not just a normal headache - it was one of those headaches that causes you so much pain that you find it hard to move. I was in agony, i tried to sit up i hurt, i lay down i hurt - everything i did i hurt - so i thought that this was not a particularly good sign. i tried to do some reading, but obviously that hurt as well, so friday not much was done cos i just hurt - damn headache. so that put me in a bit of a foul mood and i just felt like crying out of self pity. saturday the pain ahd almost gone, so i did work - and very hard too! and that felt good. also had finished all my fruit, so had to go into town and buy more - i seem to have developed a satsuma addiction i just cant stop eating them - they are so yummy. saturday evening i felt a bit lonely and so culred up on my sofa and finished the book i was reading, and then watched the telly.

yesterday people came! there was mass in the morning, although as term had not yet begun, not many people came - but some did which is what at the end of the day is most important. amy came back too which was nice - i was able to chat to her too, but only for about 5 minutes cos then she spent the rest of the day with her boyfriend, so the excitement of having people back only lasted for a short period of time, then it was back to lonely zosh.

in the evening i rang home - all my family spoke to me which was nice and Peter (the younger of my two older brothers) was very thankful of me showing him an online journal site so he could find some german journals to translate - infact his words were "i could not have done it without you" and for that moment when those words were said i was very pleased to be me! My other brother Andrew (the elder of me two big bros) said he was going to come down and see me in two weeks which will be good, cos then he can take me out for food (he has a job you see, and so can afford such luxuries). but the only reason he is coming down is cos his girlfriend is going to be giving us a talk on the student cross that weekend...so i am just a lucky extra really, which is a bit grr, but i get to see my bro!.

so back to work i think. will probably leave the computer and write the next section by hand before i type it, so my eyes dont get sore for looking at a computer for too long - cos it really doesnt do them that much good.

also have to go and pay my fees, so the nasty governement can take more monely off me. i am thankful however that i am at uni now, so i dont have to pay £3000 - a nasty amount just so i can improve my brain somewaht, and then cancel that out via alcohol consumption....well well well, enough of that already
back to work guys i think now
happy typing
xxx

thursady 7th January
i know i have been very slack in the whole blogging lark, but i have had too much on my mind, that i wanted to sort out before i wrote. I am now back in Exeter you see, as i said i was coming back early to do my work. I went to see my babcia and dziadzio before i left - have to. my grandad again was not particularly good today. he wanted to go home you see, not realising that he is already at home, and has been for ages as he has not the strength or the ability to go anywhere else. there is also the suggestion that he might have a cancer, because he has a hard lump in his stomach that makes it painful for him to swallow his food, but there is no way of testing this as he is far to weak to have an operation, he would not get through it. my nan has a terrible cough as well and she was finding it hard to breathe...so i was nit leaving them in the best of health, which is quite scary for me.

back in exeter it is nice and quiet. This has meant that i have been able to write my second essay at last. it was done quite quickly. i now have a few weeks to make changes to both essays before they are handed in. and now, i am catching up in all the reading that i have to do. It is quiet back at the moment, kindof nice in that i am not distracted as easily, but it does leave me alone with my thoughts often.

have been trying to install confidence in my friend - oh the irony! you see, she just as not been working, and fels like she is going to fail her degree, and although she has been with her boyfriend for a while, she always feels insecure when he leaves. Personally, she is one of the cleverest people i know, and she is just finding the pressure of oxford too hard for her, and she is nto coping. I know if she worked hard for these next few months she can get a degree that she can get, and she wont regret her uni years. i also think that if she has this guy that thinks she is the ebst thing in the world, then her confidence should be sky high.

in a way this shows me that having a boyfriend is not the be all and end all. but at the same time, when i did have somebody i knew that i was so happy, and just full of enthusiasm for things. That is why it is going to be hard for any bloke with me. This is because i have put up so many barriers so i dont get hurt so easily any more, and it will be hard for me for a long time, to put confidence in people. but it will happen one day, apparently when i am least exepecting it.

strangely i have been finding my work very enjoyable..i think it is just the satisfaction of finishing things, and seeing a final product of my hours of reading and research. but i am going to continue to work hard this trem, so that my last term is not as much of a struggle.

so Christmas officially finished the other day. I went to church in town, and the service was simple but made me think about what is truly important at the moment, not material things, but having people around you to supprt you, and you for them too. The church was very beautiful inside, and sat after for a bit, to take in the beauty of it, and to pray to God, to help me this term with everything i need, and to guide me and give me the ability to do everything i want to. I have been struggling with my faith recently. This is because so much has happened to me recently it makes me think that God would be wanting better things happening to me. That does seem really selfish i know, and that there are other huge problems in the world but i pray to God so much, and put so much trust in him, that someties i get angry that things dont seem to be going right for me at the moment. That does seem to be a terrible thing to say, and i realise that, which is why i am going through a bit of a struggle.

as you can see, lots of things going on in my head, but now i have blogged good and proper, and so no complaints can be made. i hope to see people back in Exeter sometime, to make my life slightly more exciting
xx

januray 2nd 2004
wow 2004 already...where has time gone, it is proper insane, and i dont think that i am liking it...can we stop the earth spinning so fast, so i can have time to do everything i want to do. Well New Years Eve was a bit of an excitement...i had planned to meet my firnd susannah - she is a star you see, and i love her to bits - we have had a major fall out, but we are bestest buds and would do anything for each other. She goes to uni at UCL and so we had decided to go to her halls for the evening, and off we went. I met Susannahs friends - they were what was called the "pimp suite" - first years - so childish! there were two guys there - Craig (who makes it obvious that he fancies Suziu), and Nat (a bromley geezer - who knows my end of town) - i was told that Freeky Greeky (cheeky greeky maybe?) was still to come....anyways, suziu and i got changed, and suszio's cousin (who only spoke Polish) was with us and we decided to go to Westminster - so off we went, and saw new years in by big ben (although we didnt hear the dong - it was too noisy). It was funny - we met up with other polish people (well helped by the fact that Magda, Suzio and i were shouting "Polacy!sczeszliwego Nowego Roku!") we watched the fireworks, and then walked down the embankment, and got back to their halls - then went to a private party at their local - this was good fun - until Suzio's friend Nat decided that i was his prey for the night and was coming on far too much, that I had to tell suzio, as they are best mates, and we had to give him warnings....argh men..what do they think women are? i swear, a bit of respect wont harm just sometime you know? anyways, we wnet back to the halls, and i made Susannah put Nat to bed, before i ran away cos he was being very odd...she swears he is not ususally like that - i just dont care - well i do cos he was scaring me a bit, i am just glad that nothing horrid happened - but i would not let it dampen my evening, and so instead of going to sleep suzio and i chatted till about 6 in the morning, and then though sleep would be good! I his under the covers in the morning, when Nat came in - haha! i then decided homeward bound - so i managed to get the hang of the tube and show Magda where she was going, and parted with her at Victoria station, and made my way home.

was only at home a very short time - enough for em to shower, change, and eat scrambled eggs (my first bit of food of the day at about 4 in the afternoon!), and then went to a school friends house for the rest of the evening, where we played games, chatted and generally had a good time - a delicious lot of food was placed out for us, and some of Clare's southampton friends came - one of which was quite yummy...got home kate, and was exhauted - dont really function well after 4 hours of sleep on a very hard floor!

so that was new years - having got a new pair of gloves - i had them for a day and lost one - new years resolution - is to stop losing things (including my mind), it is to get off my medication - and hopefully stay off it, to lose at least half a stone, to get my degree (positive thinking - i can get a degree...i will get a degree), and to keep a strong faith, to learn about my faith more and to put more trust in God, so he can answer some of my prayers.

i think it will be a hard year - last year was terrible, finally succombing to my anxiety and depression was a big low - as you can imagine, and both babcia and dziadzio becoming so ill. I really do think it is a miracle that dziadzio has hung on for so long - they had their 53 wedding anniversary the other day...but how much longer he is going to last is worrying...his body is slowly but surely shutting down its scary. so i have many hopes for 2004, but am not making any definite plans, because i dont want to set myself up for a fall that always happens...

so happy new year everyone - may we succeed in what we want to do
xx