I feel that I have neglected my blog recently, but nothing much interesting in my life has happened - i get up, work, go home, eat, and go to bed...really thats it! I have been doing all I can to raise some money for my trip (heard the final cost today - thats £2800 - eeek!), and i did a 33 hour fast (it was a 24 hour fast, but i did it midn0ght-midnight, so all the other hours made it 33), and have been sending out press releases and what not, to advertise my trip, and its all just ARGH...i cant believe that I am actually doing it, i have this surreal feeling and its crazy!

I have one week of work left, thank goodness, its been a bit hectuic, and i am very tired, as i am not sleeping very well. This last week I was training the person that they had brought in to replace me, but she was truly awful....was not getting it at all, and by Friday i lost all patience, especially when she said to me "its so simple, and i is just not getting it, innit?" - I mean I didnt let her get to the phone for fear she would speak to the solicitors like that down the phone....innit after everything...it was so annoiyng...but i am afraid she is not to be taken onto next week - they have to get somebody new in - irreplacable is what i am!

have been feeling up and down in general. like last night for instance, i was fine, i was wastchig telly with my brother and hid fiance, and the next minute i was just in tears, and i dont know why - i just had to leave and cried it all out of my system - i just dont understand why that happened at all...i thought that i was doing a hell of a lot better than that, and i was more controlled but evidently crying spurts are how its going at the moment - its so bizarre, to feel fie one minute, and be crying uncontrollably the next.

last weekend i was in the yorkshire dales as i was being fitted for my bridesmaid dress - its blue silk with blue chiffon on the bustiere, and going round the back, and should look very pretty when it is completed! i met the two other bridesmaid (Dav's sister and best-friend) and also met my bro's in-laws...it was agood weekend, btu very tiring, as we also booked the barn dance and disco, arranged the catering, the flowers, Dav's wedding dress, the hall, and met the vicars and priests...so it was all very busy but got a hell of a lot done.

but thats all for now...oh i have had lots of jabs....have had 2 Hep B jabs (one more to go), 2 rabies jabs (one more to go), typhoid, and Hep A, and my arm has been very painful, and i have had a few side-affects from having them all done so quickly, but hey better safe than sorry is how i see it - and luckily they only made me pay for rabies, and i got that for £100, so I have saved some money there.

will be done in Exeter soon to see Exeter peeps. and looking forward to it, but it will be very sad too, as I miss you guys loads - i feel very out of it all here, and I am sure that I will be very sad when i leave - i always am, as you are all so kind, and have helped me battle on more than youcan ever begin to imagine, and for that I am very greatful....

love you all my lovelies

Hello!
busy busy busy...habe been busy at work, busy at home just busy. have changed my post-grad ideas so am having to re-do application forms (am now wanting to do taught cause and not reseasrch degree), ahve been at work - very busy as the beginning of the month always is, let alone haing ten days off over christmas (well bank holidays did us good this year), and looking after nan and grandad, and generally living life, and then sorting out africa. we are having a team "debate" at the mo, which is taking our mind off the whole reason for going out which is a bit disappointing, but i hope things will sort themselves out soon (the debate is about what to do in our weeks holiday at the end of four months volunteeing)

just to say that I have just booked my coach to say bye to all you lovely ex people (£2 return - how crazy is that! - and its not megabus!)...and Ella, i will be able to see you - yay!

this time in two months I will be on a plane to Africa - crazy!

i hope everyone is doing well
xxx

Well, it has been a hard christmas so far as i predicted. On Christmas eve itself, I had to do half a days work, which i thoguht sucked as Polish people think that this day is the most important of the festival. In the evening, as is tradition we went to our ans for something called Wigilia, which is the evening, and we eat 12 different dishes (we fast for the rest of the day). now my grandad was no up for anything - he ahsnt been for ages, he looked quite bas actually, and we ended up hoisting him to bed, and then the carers came to change and clean him later. My nan was crying, then her brother who lives in Canada rang, and she was so upset. I was so tearful it was untrue - i went to hide, but my nan found me...we had a cry together - my mum then found me, and asked what was wrong...the thing is, i have found this week so hard, and its been one of the first weeks, where i have actually held my anti-d's in my hand with the intention of taking them again...i havnt yet - i have been string in that way, but weak in the way that I have been wanting to take the,...anyways, after we went to midnight mass, which is always a beautiful thing to do at christmas.

christmas day was a quiet affair in my house, as there were only four of us,m as one bro is spneding the christmas with his girlfriend and her family (the brother who is NOT getting married just yet ironically!) so i went to my nans to see how she was, and then went for a walk with my mum, and then we had christmas lucnh. after i was knackered, having done a 40 hour working week, getting up early and going to bed late, and so just kindof reaxed in the evening.

Today I have gotton up to go to church, and then went for a looooong walk....then my mum and i went to my nans, my grandad was asleep a lot of the time, the carers came to wake him up, and clean and change him, and hoist him into his chair, where we then fed him a cup of coffee (yes we feed him coffee with thickener, cos he cant swallow any other way cos he will choke - no swallowing reflex), and then we came home...am now just chilling am very tired, and just not feeling myself...or maybe this is myself and i am still ill - i just dont know anymore, but whatever it is, I am not happy, always feeling tearful, and just feel extremely alone.

Merry Christmas everyone, and may all your dreams come true in the new year

have just been called to diner as soon as i start to blog - bloody typical...will try again later

Today is the downest i have felt for a long time...its that time of the year really - when you see so many perfect things, and realise that things are not going well for you. I dont know, maybe its because I have got yet another cold, and am feeling really under the weather and I cant take time off work cos i need all the hours and money I can get, but there is a whole lot of other things on my mind, and its hard. Its been twelve weeks since i last took an anti-depressant and today I have come so close to taking one its untrue -thats how bad i am feeling.

I dunno - i guess its cos i am lonely. I am hearing that so many of my friends are in happy relationships, and dont get me wrong i am happy for them, but it really does just make me feel that there is something so incredibly wrong with me. Family isnt helping - making little comments at every opportunity thinking its funny, when really it is making me feel so upset. it just seems to me that as soon as something seems like it is going ok, something else happens and i am back at square one, taken a huge fall, and i am fed up of it. people always ask me what my greatest fear is, and really its growing old alone, and being unloved - thats a very scary thing.

my grandad is still so so ill. I saw him yesterday after not seeing him for two weeks, and everytime i see him he looks more vacant, more ghost like, its so horrid. my mum today said he was coughing, and just wouldnt stop, and that her and my nan were so scared that they just didnt know what to do. Now a cough may seem like nothing, but its bound to be a chest infection, or pneumonia or something and thats not great, and i just have this fear in the back of my mind, that something bad is going to happen someday soon, and its nit going away, and it upsetting me loads.

so put those two things together, and its one big mess. i hate colds, i feel really miserable, and just want to cry.

sorry guys - its not been the bets of days for me today...have no christmas spirit just yet - i think its going to be a hard christmas infact.

eek!
this week i did enough working hours to make up a whole working week(and more), in four days - granted i never left the office before 6:15 and was in before nine, but it is doable...why? i hear you all cry...well tomorrow i am taking a day off for my tearfund induction (will get to that in a mo), and the second reason is so that i can take the time off inbetween christmas and new year!

so tomorrow i have my tearfund induction - well its a whole weekend thing - i get to meet my team - yay! i hope that they like me....i will be upset if they dont...i hope we all get on well...i have to travel to the centre in the afternoon - in the morning i hope to get my haircut, and pack my clothes...so i am excited and scared - but they will like me wont they?

anyways apart from that, have just been working stupidly hard so that i can earn the money that will be taking me on thsi great adventure....it is getting so close now....

and ella - when you go down to exeter - i will be able to come then too - so iwill get to see you before i go...

and amy if you read this - i havnt heard from you in ages, i do hope that you are well and happy and that everything is fine and dandy with you...i miss you sweetheart, and keep in touch so that i know that you are ok.

and to everyone else, i hope taht end of term has not been too hectic, and that i will see you all when i descend upon exeter one more time!

love me
xxx

well tonight thank God its them instead of you...

yesterday the making of band aid 20 was on the telly - it was too late for me as i have to get up early in the morning, so i taped it and have just watched it, and i wsa in tears. It pains me so much that in this world where on one extreme we have people eating too much that they are obese and that they will die because they areso overwieght, yet at the same time people sre dying because they dot have enough to eat...seriously, this problem is insane, 20 years ago this wa shighlighted to us with live aid - i dont remember this at all - i was 1, but still 20 years later the problem still exists - and to out it bluntly - its fucking awful. I hope that people buy the band aid single - i am going to buy it - so i get that - its cheaper than a glass of wine in the bar near where i work, and yet it could save someone from dying - now that is something to make you think. next time you're in a pub and buying a drink, just think what that could bring to a starving child...

i am sorry to rant but the state of this world is truly awful. God gives us something fantastic - he gives us life, and a beautiful place to live in, yet we destroy it, and we destroy the lives of others. there are many places in the Bible where we are reminded to help the poor, and those less fortunate then ourselves, and this time of advent and preparation and thought and change, maybe now is the time to see what we can do....

i had to get that off my chest, so i know in 20 years time, when i have my family, they will say to me - so mummy did you do anything to help - i can safely say that i did. I am scared that when i go to Africa, and see some things first hand it is going to really hurt - so guys, prayers please. lets pray that governments realise just what they are doing to their countries, lets pray that there will be an end to famine, drought, war and destruction, and lets pray that we can all do the best that we can to help those who really and truly need it.

thanks

a wohooooooooo!

i am in exeter! and i am feeling very strange being sat here in the library (students these days actually do go to lectures!), i feel as if i am a bit of an intruder, but its good to be down....you see i had 25 hours of flexi-time to use up, and even now, i will only be using about 12 of them....but its all good, it will mean i can take time off at christmas....i keep on bumping into people i know, and they are all like - what are you doing here? - which is quite funny - and many have remarked on my new blondness (do they really have mroe fun!)...but charlie is keeping me informed of all the goings on at owrk which is good - got to kepe up on that office gossip!

i hope that everyone else is ok - i am needing this break like anything - i even got to lie in till 9:30 this morning, thats three more hours than normal - and even then it was a bit of a struggle to get up - oh never mind...i cant complain....

meet my tearfund people in a fortnight so that should be interesting...i am very much looking forward to putting names to faces....but on a more serious note, in lesotho where 40% of the population are suffering from AIDS/HIV, i think that this just highlights the gravity of the situation that people there are faced with...and a reasib why i am going out there to help...so although its fun at the moment, there is a deeply important reason to this trip that people have to realise...

anyways, apart from that, will just do some research for my mphil now i have access to the library computers (thanks Lis!)

hope to see the exeter people that read this aound sometime...

zosh
xxx

sorry

it appears that i have not blogged for a long itme....there is reason for this (well kind of). last week i had to give up denying the existence of a hoorid cold, as i had got one full and proper...so bad that when i had picked up the phone i was told i sounded awful, and when i put the mediator through to my boss she apparently told my boss to send me home - she didnt though, and there was a slight phone ban for a while - so instead i got to design the inside of our divisions christmas cards, and stick them in the cards! so i was ill, and i hate being ill.

being ill meant that i could not visit my babcia for a week. i didnt want to pass any germs to my grandad, because that would have been truly awful...anyways, i saw them this weekend just gone. my grandad was a sleep all the time, and when he was awake he bears a kindof blank expression - confusion, and his eyes are all glazed..its sad. i go in all jolly, and give him a big hello and a big kiss - he has no idea who i am - he hasnt for about 5-6 years - thats something hard to come to terms with. one thing that is keeping me going, and one thing that so many people have said to me is that God obviously has a plan, and he is watching me, and telling me to keep on going with it all, but man is it hard sometimes.

have been emailing my lesotho people loads, and they all sound lovely - i get to meet them all in three weeks time at my induction weekend and that will be so exciting - when i have muy medical done, then my true fundraising will begin - so watch out, some full on begging will be done!

also been doing some research for my proposal for my Mphil - have finally had a response from a certain uni which i am very interested in...but am keeping a bit quiet as to what i am doing exactly, as it is a hard course to get on, and i dont want abig slp in the face

work has been busy but enjoyable, i do have a laugh there even though i work exetremely hard...the people (well most of them) are great, and i love the flexi-time aspect of it all...its this that is allowing me to go to Exeter for my long weekend, and hopefully this that will allow me to take the time off between christmas and new year - i have 22 hours 20 mins at the mo, some of that will be used by the end of the week, but then i have time to make it all up again!

thats enough from me for now - good luck Lis - if they cant see your desire and want to be a teacher at your interview tomorrow - then all the fool them!

zosh
ps - eight weeks and no anti-deppressant - result for me! thats the longest it has been in a long time - i have been tempted, but i have managed without - a wohoo!

hello

I have spent the last four days desperately trying to deny the existence of colds (colds are for week people i say), but having being told by countless family mediators and solicitors as to how awful i sounded on the phone (after my doing the usual, good morning/afternoon, children and family services, zosia spekaing, how may i help you?), and coughing through it, i really dont think i can deny it anymore. unfortunatly i feel i have caught a cold, and it does well and truly sux, as it makes a tiring week, even more tiring - i feel i have worke four days already, and i have only worked two - never mind - i think today will be the worst - so it can only get bet - thankfully we have a chemist next door to the commission - i was greatful anyways!

other than that nothing much has happend, have been hearing from my lesotho people which is always exciting, and have been wanting to sleep, but not been able to!....my flexi-time is now lookng very healthy indeed - and i am looking forward to my long weekend that i have booked off - i hope you guys that we can do some fun stuff - and i will need some cheap drinking!

see you all soon
hope you're all weel and good

love and coughs
zosh xx

hello blog

what a week - work has been manic, its had its ups and downs....charlie the poor girl has had a touhg week - but we get to have her in the office till christmas - a wohoo! pity she has been banned from talking to me in the office - thats ok - we have just abused the email sustem, and take very well timed loo breaks! (we've done nothing worng at all - dont get me wrong - its just theres been a bit of a personality clash and some people want to make it difficult for poor charlie)

grandad is out of hospital - thank you for your prayers - howeer he is still poorly - he sleeps for the vast majority of the day, and just is still very ill. if it were me, i would not have let him out of hospital, as things arent really very good, but the way the health system is, there are not enough beds - etc etc etc, and so off home he went - its strabge how sytrong he can battle, from 24 hours to live, to being let out of hospital - too much for my little head to take in.

i had my first panic attck in 2 1/2 months today - the events and stress of the last few weeks ahve finally caught up with my body, and my body just doesnt like it too much - unsurprisingly...so i took a beta blocker 0 and i have not had to take one of those in aaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssss, but still no a-d for 6 1/2 weeks, and that i think is bloody week, after the fortnight that i have just had!

and lastly i know my lesotho team - we got each others emails in the week, and we have started emailing each other getting to know each other - and everyone seems lovely, and so i think it will be a very exciting time.

and now i mean lastly am going wedding dress fitting with dav in london tomorrow - i can see a very long day ahead - eek!

zosh x

blunt

well, as many of you know over the last yera i ahve had a lot on my plate...illness, depression, thoughts of ending it all, being dumped, finals, leaving uni....ive had it hard - i know people have it harder, but its fair to say that i have had it hard.

over the last few dys, i feel like i have been to hell and back...at the weekend my grandad was dying...there seemed as if there was no hope...now all of a sudden he has made a recovery...i swear dementia has to be the biggest head messer i have ever come across. this has worn me out emotionally and physically, and i just dont know what to think any more. obviously its great that he is still alive, but really the quality of life is so poor its untrue....i just dnt know what to think...sometimes (now i dont want anyone to think that i am being horrid here, as it is so hard for me to say this), but sometimes i wish that it was over...then i know my grandad wont be in any pain and sufferring, and his life will be much better...but then when i think like this i hate myself,a s i know it will lead to the demise of my nan. you see how it plays with your head. its horrid, and nasty, and i hate myself for having such thoughts, like you would not believe....oh i feel messed up by it all. hence the roller coaster of emotions people experienced at the weekend with me, and i am so sorry for that.

other than that, work has been veru hectic this week - had an internal relaunch of our department - children and family division at the legal services commission (a not for profit government organisation - dont you know), and i always have a hell of a lot of work at the beginning of the month, as i have to process many mnay payments.

sorry for the eekness of my blog as of late - gives you an insight into the life of me - lucky you're just reading it then hey?

Blunt

I really want to be quite blunt about the way i feel about things, and so this might be a hard read for some people, but believe you me, you're not the people that have to live with my thoughts...you're very lucky.

obviously my grandad has been very ill recently - almost at death's door that it was frightening, and i hated it...but now, well tonight he will be having his last dose of anti-biotics as they say that he is recovering. now, i am so confused...this illness is one of the biggest head messers i have ever come across - more then the way that i have been treated by some people...its just the most confusing most dreadful thing ever. i just dont know where i stand, at some points i am told that he isnt going to survive the weekend and now there is talk of him returning home. Now dont get me worng, it is great that he has not died, but at the same time, he is not going to be the same as he was before...he is going to be weaker and less capable fodoing stuff, and his quality of life is alomost going to be in-existence. now is this fair? its so hard for him and the family. we are just so yp and down in our emotions - really i just dint know whether i should laugh/cry, be happy/sad...i just dnt know what to think or feel anymore its untrue. its such a horrid horrid illness. it snot fair? everyone has been so nice and helpful, and lovely, putting up with my mixed up head, my mixed up emotions, but then i feel guilty for putting this on everyone to take...i am so sorry guys.

i just have so many thoughts zooming around my head, it is sometimes so hard for me to think logically abut what is going on...nobody knows how or when this dreadful....bloody awful disease ends, and i just cant cope with this uncertainty. everytime a phone rings i get scared about what news i hear on the other side...on the train home, i wonder what news i am going to arrive home to...its a fucking awful way to be living a life, and i am fed up of it.....no-ones to blame...its just too hard to take, that sometimes i feel like i just cant continue when its like this all the time..

i know shit happens, and life goes on...but really soemtimes shit can happen too much in too short a space of time for it to be at all healthy.

sorry if that has confused/annoyed/upset/hurt anyone

thank you

i will blog about u-nite another time, but i just want to say prayers must be working as today my grandad came off his drip...he is still being pumped with anti-biotics and has a bit of a temperature but it is good he is not on his drip anymore....we will just have to keep on going...

was pushed off a train yesterday by an angry woman, landed on all fours on blackfriars platform - ow.

zosh
x

URGENT.

i dont know why, but when i got back late from work today i found out that my grandad was in hospital....so can he have your thoughts please...
as i said i dont have any more info...but it kindof sux enough that he's in there

hell at work....

man, its been a hard few days at work - too much of it - my boss set me work - thats supposed to be my priority - bless Fernando, but when five other divison members come up to me practically in tears with urgent deadlines - how am i supposed to refuse to help them? no i am the one with urgent deadlines - and who do i go to? never mind...

i read my emails - and this cheered me up no end:

Hi Zosia
Just to let you know that we prayed for you today in our team prayer time, as you prepare for your overnight prayer vigil at Exeter uni. As you didn't mention a date, it may well be that you have already been and gone, but God knows anyway, and we do trust you are blessed by the whole thing! Let us know how it went.
blessings
Jan

this is from the person who emailed me for Tearfund...so UNITE people, we have extra prayers for what we are doing - always good to know i think! that was a lovely surprise and has cheered me up no end. tomorrow i meet up with caz from uni for a drink in petts wood, and do the work that i promised fernando i would do...and then its just a day before exeter! awohoo! and i have already packed some photos that i have, of me looking silly at my graduation!

grandad is still very very ill - he will never get better - prayers to limit his pain and suffering are well and truly needed....

zosh xxx

13,830

That is the number of steps that i have talen today so far (not including obv as its not steps, the 25 mins i did on the cylse bike)...you see my pedometer from the bbc has finally arrived to help me in my big fat challenge.

am feeling miserable. i visited my nan today...i hadnt sen my grandad for an age - he has gone so downhill. he doesnt even speak, move, look - he just lies. my gran gave me the horrid task of searching the net for information on the prognosis of multi-infarct dementia. basically multi-infarct is a form of dementia that occurs when the brain does not receive enough oxygen while the individual suffers a series of small strokes. it has many symptoms including confusion, memory loss, lack of social skills, night time confusion etc. now, this means that the individual will decrease in a step-wise manner, and so people may not pick up on the problem until it is far too late. what makes multi-infarct dementia, well any demenatia hard is that no-body knows or understands how it is going to effect a certain individual, and what part of the brain is going to be effected (as different brain lobes have different functions, and studies are now beginning to show that phrenology may have been correct indeed as different areas of these lobes may have very specific functions). anyhows, i digress. i was asked to find out what the future may be for my grandad as it doesnt seem like we are to have a long future, and so i have been reading pages and pages about multi-infarct. and i am upset as basically, everything that they have warned us to expect, we are already exepriencing ... and more. and i have he job of telling my nan that the worst exepected has already happened, and so we are now entering/or some may say continuing with the great unknown. it is so so sad. there is absoultely sod all to be done, and we just sit and wait, and watch my poor grandad deteriorate further infront of us, and we are just helpless. it makes me feel physically sick.

sorry for the very blue nature of this entry, and the mini-psychology lecture that you have just received - thats the nature of my home life at the moment...sux really doesnt it?

+51

ths was a good sight this evening - +51...i have finally got myself into positive time from the time off ive had in exeter - it has taken its time and i have worked my guts out doing 42+ hours a week, but its finally in the positive, and i can start building it up so i can take a few days off again.

am quite subdued today. my nan has been very very tearful recently. she keeps on saying to my mum that i am going away for such a long time, and to such a far destination and how she is sad about it. yes that makes me feel guilty, but i know that i cannot put my life on hold. i will miss her truly - ANYONE who knows me just knows how much love i have for my nnan, and the isnspiration that she gives me. she has also been saying that she is selfish, keeping my grandad alive...she is scared. we all know if he goes ito hospital he wont come out, and that is frightening for all of us, but 100000 time more for my nan - theyve been married for 54 years, and the love she has for him is untrue, and so i can undertande why she is scared...it just upsets me when i hear she has been syaing these things. its heart wrenching.

another thing, this time of the year is pretty hard for me, as i am trying to forget some stuff that occurred around this time, but its just oh so very hard, and its getting me down. i have come on in leaps and bounds, but it is still hard for me to forget just how low i was. its hard - but a month off the anti-ds and i am still coping - just, but i am doing it, and not having nasty withdrawal symptoms either

lastly, am starting to prepare for my postgrad studies...its all very hard - but i am going to do a research degree as ths gives me more flexibility in what i can study and focus upon, i just need to find the funding and the institution that i want to study at.

see all you ex people next week

lots of good news

where do i begin? lots of good news -

1 - i am returning to exeter be it for a short period of time - i am going own for U-Nite (2)...and i dont have to take time off work! i go after work (well i leave an hour early, but i make that up in the week easy), and leave on sunday morning, but most importantly, i get there. unfortunately its not for longer but hey you cant win them all. and sorry that i miss seeing you ella...another time maybe?!

2 - i got my tearfund placement - this means that next year I got to Lesotho for four months from March - July. i leave home on the 5th of march, have three days orientation with my team, and then we fly out as a team and start our work!

3 - i put into my account three pay cheques today

4 - michael owen scored a goal for england

5 - did another 42 hour week at work, but had a bit of a laugh doing it.

so, there it is - but i really missed the important one - i have not taken an anti-depressant for three weeks now - thats THREE weeks, the longest i have managed without them!

but as always there is some sad news, my grandad has gone further down hill so prayers for him are much required. it really is not looking that good at all, and that is always a bad sign. i have not been allowed to see my nan for a few weeks now, due to infections and rashes that my grandad has had that could get passed on, and his immune system is down, so things get passed on and carried easily.

stay well everyone

busy busy busy

oh man...i have been so hectic this week it has been untrue. work has been manic, there have been a few cock ups in the office, and that just doesnt help anything, and has made things a hell of a lot worse. i can finally see my desk again, the work just mounts up its untrue. yesterday was a bad day - didnt leave till 6 in the evening, worked since 8:45 - was bad day, so charlotte and i went for a drink after work - as i had missed her b-day last week, and we hadnt had a chance to chat about things for a while - and we are girls, we had a lot to talk about - it was very pleasant. i am quite tired. i do enjoy my work loads, but its all been hectic...but what is good, is that i have already worked 33 hours this week, and still have a potential 8 1/2 tom, so that will mean a good few pounds earnt!

also had probelms with tearfund, in that they hadnt receieved one of my references - it has been lost in the ppst - but its ok - that is all sorted - Mme B wrote me a blinding reference - i didnt even know it was about me...so fingers crossed and prayers please!
sorry people in Exeter - cant come down for a long time - have to kake up A LOT of flexi time...but UNITE sounds absoultely fab. james i would have loved to see you and Ella, but if you read on there's another reason for me to be around here for bit...

one last plea - my grandad is very very poorly indeed. he should be in hospital, but the carers and district nurses know that if he goes in there he will not come out again, and so are doing everything in their power to keep him at home, but its not looking good at all. please can we pray to help him, but also maybe more importantly can we please pray for my babcia, who is so tearful all the time, and is really dreading the thought of losing my grandad. its very hard on all of us, but my babcia has had it the worst. its not looking good, but i cant do anything about it anymore. we have already been blessed with a year we thought that we would never have, and we pray for every other minute now.