what, a post..again...two days, two posts!

why?

well today, well this evening more correctly I was told good news....what? good news?
As you may have gathered, I have been doing a course of CBT, to help with my continual anxiety and depression. At my first session in November, I was rated severe - in fact so severe they thought I should not do the course and do some more severe psychotherapy. But my person said he saw something in me, and because to quote him "you appeared intelligent, motivated and I wanted to work with you"...so he did

Today was my last session, and my final assessment. I knew that I was doing a little better, i realised that there was some rationality behind me seeming irrationality. but my person was basically a little dumb-founded with my scores. I was still severe in one test, but not extreme severity, but was only 2 points from moderate! For my other scores, I was still clinical, but not as bad as i was before, on some of the test scores i was down 0.75. My person could not believe it - he was really surprised - especially as he had to argue a little bit to take me on!

I have to thank this person so much, he listened to my moaning, my doubts, fears, and helped me see with my thought plans that I was sometimes justified with my thought processes, and made me see my key points to where my negative thoughts could arise - this has been amazing. the best thing about him, and I told him this tonight - he did not patronise me - not one bit. he was not "the world is a happy place, and we must all dance for joy at everything" - he was realistic, allowed me to be realistic, and did not patronise me one bit - and this was key. absolute key.

so have a right to be proud. I am beginning to realise when i am on the path of the down ward spiral I can try and stop my thoughts going down that path, and get myself thinking in a positive way.

so yes...still clinical, but much less severe then I was...

Last thing I said to my person....celebratory gin! (i have not had this...)

paper was sent to the conference organisers yesterday, after only minor editting from the prof..

phone call went like this:
prof "hello zofia. I have read your paper. It was actually very good, I was very impressed"
me "you sound surprised David"
prof "well you were not selling to me, and I know you have been anxious about it, but there was nothing to be anxious about"

When meeting him to talk about the interviews i have been conducting, and to pick up said changes, he did the, we really must look at this self-confidence issue of yours and work on it. You seem to work well under pressure, maybe this is the answer (it is not by the way).

St James have finally decided the dates for this years Taize trip - the first week of August. i will already be there, as I am going for two weeks - the week before, and this week, and so will meet people there. if anyone is interested in coming, let me know, and I will see what I can do. The prayer last Friday was just so lovely, and seeing people again was just great. next week I have a reunion with the girls I met in Poznan...we are starting this with Taize prayer, a shared meal, and the hope to do a retreat style 24 hours....am muchos looking forward to it. taize stuff at St James is reallt getting there as well...we have a service every month now, and on Good Friday we wil also be doing prayer around the cross. something that really got me in my silent week was: "I am sure I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Yes I shall see the goodness of the Lord, hold firm trust in the Lord". If you cant hold firm on anything else, you sure can in the Lord.

Something else has really struck me this week as well: "If we hope for something that we have not yet got, wait for it patiently" (Romans 8:25). The Lord hears my hopes, they are in His amazing creating hands....

and so, back to work, preparing presentations, and preparing to do more interviews...good stuff.

ps - if anyone is in the Petts Wood area on the 16th May, Petts Wood Festival Chorus have our annual concert - this year Vivaldi's Gloria (and a few other pieces). Money is being raised for Dumelza House - a local childrens hospice. a good way to bring the churches together.

and finally, if people have a spare 2 minutes, this weekend I am taking confirmation candidates on retreat, so they can have some focussed prayer time. Please pray they are open to the experience.

hello fellow blog readers
I hope all of you are well

this week has been hugely stressful, but i managed it. I had three days to write my first conference paper...one day i had brain freeze as i had been interviewing for data collection that day...so two days, 7,000 words later a shoddy paper was handed into my prof 5 minutes before the deadline...we shall see what he has to say about it.

but the friday improved, when I met with some beautiful people to go to a Taizé prayer around the cross with Frere Paolo. i met up with various people before going there, and when there, so many familiar faces were there it was so good to see. The prayer was beautiful...it just gave that brilliant time to reflect after a very busy week. to meet people who are so excited about prayer and Christ is just fantastic. it was a special evening, and I had good conversations afterwards, and the playing of stupid games...nearly the last train home and i was so full excitedness that I found it hard to sleep...

...which was a shame as yesterday I was doing a 10 mile sponsored walk on the Thames path to raise money to help send somebody to Lourdes with HCPT...it was a beautiful walk aross the city, and so glad that I did it...and when doing something like this, you realise how many little things in London you miss when you rush through it everyday.

today, i have a holy week choir rehearsal and a taize meet up for people in my area who have gone...and the next working week begins.

data collection for one part of the PhD has started - this is good news. I think the interviews the other day went well, but they are very draining! but should not complain, they are providing me some info...just have to get about 10 more people to agree...the project is being implemented a week later then thought, which gives me an extra week to collect data - hurrah.
had a night out with the girls last night - much needed...but has left me very very tired today, so it will be an early night. It also meant that i have not been able to work on the paper that I need to have written by Friday...never mind - will just have to continue to write it around the busy week I have this week. good stuff.

other then that, met with a lovely friend recently and had good faith chat, and they remain in my prayers as they make some decisions about their future.

not much else to report - life just goes on

I had my second to last CBT session this evening - this is the first therapist that I have got on with - as I write down my thought paths, and he looks at them, we talk about them, so he gets how I think - he does not think me stupid - in fact the oposite...it may seem stupid but he understands how I think, and can see the rationality behind it. Tonight, it became very clear that i am a perfectionist, and so neurotic about it (we had a laugh about it), but I was explaining about the fact that I thought I was an inadequate perfectionist - how ironic is that! But, finally a therapist I can get on with, actually explain myself too, and somebody who I can talk openly with...
neurotic
perfectionist
misunderstood

yep thats me!

what I need to do is to catch myself when I can see that I am thinking myself as inadequate, anxious etc, and see how I can change the situation and my thoughts I am in! it is hard, but it can happen.

right now, I just also want to increase my confidence, there is someone I like, but I am scared! lol...one thing that needs work!

hey

well, I have now finished my catechist course - it has been an interesting course where I have learnt a lot...and hope to continue to learn - it has been very encouraging, and made me think a lot about my faith, my prayer and my community. James often talks about being one of the few male parents who go to church....my problem is, in my church there are so many family orientated events, or youth events (and I mean 11-18), or adult events (I mean 30+)...what is the role of the single 26 year old? where are the events/meetings for us? I have very few people in my parish my age I can talk to about my faith and my issues that I have. I am lucky in a way, in that I have made many Taize friends, and can social network with them, but it is not the same as sitting over a pint or a meal and having somebody physically there to pass you a tissue when you cry, or to watch when you are laughing so much, or just to be there so you KNOW they are there. that is my issue, and one that I am trying to deal with. I have been in contact with a few people, and am trying to find people I can pray with, because, the Lord truly knows I can do with some prayers and some help. the role of the single person in the church also needs to be addressed...I feel there is a pressure to be in a relationship (married), and to have children to continue the faith. Indeed, that is what I want, but at the moment, I am not there....but that does not mean that I dont have a role. I do, I just have to find it...with the help of mu church community.



PhD has finally been given ethics approval (well one part of it), so all I need are participants and I will be there. I have a workshop/conference type thing coming up in march - pretty important people will be there (luckily my prof will be there too), but at the moment I have no paper (this was supposed to be sent to the organisers by the end of January), but I have no data to write the paper...this could go very wrong...but as the Prof said: "I will be there in the room to protect you" (sigh of relief).



other than that, life is just going by. i am constantly tired and constantly cold...I am trying to be a support for a few special people around me, and at the same time realising that I have lost a few people that I used to get support from, but you know - life really does go on, and I really pray that things get better. as I said to somebody the other day "The Lord knows that I am angry about some things, the Lord knows that I love Him, but the Lord also knows I am waiting..." This is true.

ok...so I dont know if a counsellor is supposed to take the piss...but then again I was called one of his most synical clients! yesterday I think it was a game of who could be the biggest pedant - it was good though..I think this is the first counsellor I have got on with - because it is not the normal type of counselling - he looks at my thought patterns and how I think...yesterday it was relationship issues, and he let me have my "that is because they are men" comments but also gave me his twopence worth as well...
normal i leave those sessions a bit thoughtful...yesterday I left with a huge smile on my face, having had an absolute giggle talking about how i project my feelings onto how I think other people must feel about me, how i fear about the future, and how i catastrophise..and to think that I can laugh about this...that is how he makes me feel - he makes me laugh about it - am blessed with him.

am also a little more relaxed about the old studies as well, as i went to go a meet "the big man, the big DG", and talk about the project as new bits have been added due to government initiatives that has been in the news today...and as the DH said "this could be the making of you" - so no pressure there! i had some problems getting my head around things, but that was solved slightly today...all very interesting...so I am quite excited, but also quite scared...that is the way of the PhD.

other then that, I am having HUGE confidence issues...I have met someone who I like, but I do not know what to do...just screaming inside. man alive, it hurts...i just want something to go right for once...my confidence is just so low that I do not trust myself...scared. it is horrible...

its after weeks like this that I wonder why doing a PhD was a good thing - it has been a very tough week in the world of study, and I can see it getting worse before it gets better. it has been 4 months since I have heard from the Trust (not for the want of trying), and so my project has stalled majorly - that is hard, when after a year all you have is a majorly elaborate literature review.
so my prof gets me another project that is seemingly very unrelated to temporary employment (very very interesting - but not related at all to the original project proposal I have), and tells me to research it and get interviews done (after getting ethics of course)...but the thing is, after a year of doing all this reading on temporary employment, I dont want to waste that...its so bloody hard I tell you. I told him that after this week and getting all the ethics applicationsn in, I want to talk to him and get a focus to the PhD, as the perfectionist control freak in me is crying loudly as I have no control as to what is going on....
we shall see what happens - but lets just say, in times that I have been alone in the office this week, of which today has been one, there have been tears, and I hate crying in the office.

other things, this week has very much been church activity orientated with doing petts wood churches together stuff, bromley deanery stuff, catechist training, and thinking about what to do for our Taize service on Sunday.

and lastly, I have a heart/head issue that is also getting me in a bit of a tizz, and that wont leave me either....

much love to you all, and I am thankful for music that has kept me going today

Happy New Year Everyone

I wanted to wait a little bit before I wrote this entry, as I didnt want to write something based on adrenaline and excitement - but something a little more composed.

As in the past two years, this year I spent the new year with the Taize community, this year in the city of Poznan, Poland. Now, for a long time I was unsure whether I was going to go - what with my anxiety bring higher then it has been for a long time, but when I managed to persuade my friend Sam to come to - that was it, I signed up and I would not be disappointing Frere Paolo who had wanted me to go.

On the 28th December we got on the coach to Poznan....it was lovely meeting up with Taize friends I had not seen for a year, others who I had not seen for a few weeks, and others who I had never met before, but a 21 hour coach journey means you get to know people went.

On the 29th we had our welcome, and then went to our Parish. Sam, Katie, Heather, Izzy and I all decided to work, but didnt realise this was going to mean we were in the same parish - but we were, and this was great. When we got to out parish - we had cake galore offered to us - just non stop cake....plate after plate after plate. Sam and I were given our host - we lived with a student called Darek - his parents and sister lived in a little village outside of Poznan...the poor 19 year old shy man, having to deal with 2 English women! We got to our house, showered, napped and then made our way to the main hall as we had to hear about what our worl involved. we helped with the decorations of the hall, lighting candles, and trying to stop people taking photos and walking in front of the decorations whilst the brothers were walking in and out of prayer. Being back in the Taize prayer environment was lovely, just what I needed - it was calming.

The days then kind of mould into one...Taize has a remarkable way of going slowly, yet quickly. the days went slowly packing so much in, but the time just goes so quickly, and before you know it, the time has gone, and its back to England. I had a lovely small group this year - we only met for two mornings, but it was a special two times - we had really good discussions about our faith, and the theme of the meeting - a thirst for Christ's love and a thirst for peace. Two things that are heavy on my mind still. I am searching for Christ's love, and am re-discovering His love for me - something that is deeply special. what a joy...re-discovering that God loves me is special. So small groups were amazing.

Another brilliant thing - of course the prayer. Having the opportunity to pray 3 times a day - although I have this everyday of course - we dont make time for it...but in Taize world, that is what the day is about. The prayer is really special - small pieces of scripture to meditate on, and then a silence...the silence is the chance for me to call to God, and for God to work in me. Yep, some prayers were tearful, for both Sam and I. See I am near says the Lord, See I make all things new - gets me quite a bit. I gets me thinking that if God could make me new, how would he make me? I was trying to explain this to Sam when she cried on me...she didnt want to change me...I want to change me.

Then there was Darek, my student! He was lovely - didnt cook (his parents cooked stuff for him and dropped it off for him to re-heat), he didnt do his clothes wasking (every week his mum would take it, wash it, and iron it), he was very shy - but I would not have had it any other way. Every evening he always offered to make us hot drinks...when he realised Taize food was not great, he got us cuppa soups to take the meeting halls so we could have a hot drink, the fridge was full for us, and he was really good to talk to about a lot of issues, in both Polish and English! His family were also amazing...they all came around on new years day for the meal with the family - and they even did veggie things for me. On our last day, we had some time spare, so the family took us to their little village house, and had cooked another meal for us - just amazing. we never went hungry, ever! they treated us as their own, and even invited us back to their house in the summer....I have to say Polish hospitality was amazing

new years eve was just smiles all the time. the prayer vigil for peace ended with a joyous chant telling us to spread the news of God, and sing for Him all over the world! we continued singing this outside, watching the amazing fireworks, and wishing everyone a happy new year! we as english attempted Auld Lang Syne (does anyone know the words), and when that finished, it was the hokey kokey, and then it was can canning to the Polish chant! hilarious. Of course I had the compulasory can of gin and tonic with me...had to start the new year with some gin...and then we had the festival of nations. In the last two years I have not done anything for this - but this year that was all about to change. The five girls (Sam and I included) became the Spice girls with a twist - we became the PEACE girls - encouraging everyone to give each other the sign of peace (I really really really want to give you peace)...and then we had a disco for ages, and ages, and it was all smiles - really we had such fun!

the Taize community has done so much for me - and getting to know the brothers more gives it that personal touch among a sea of faces...and I thank God for the community and the work they do

I love spending the new year this way...meeting people, learning about nations...praising God...can it get any better?

happy birthday mum!

you have looked after me, guided me, and loved me, and I love you too.

I hope we have given you a good meal tonight!

well, i have started an on-line guided cbt course - i have faced up to the fact that I am not well - so next step is trying to deal with it! i have had two sessions, and doing a module about challenging negative thoughts...the last thing i need is someone taking the piss out of me for going to counselling - which is exactly what my father did to me last night - and ouch that hurt.

this week had been a shocker - i had to do an informal presentation of my research...it was slated - that hurt too.
also trying to come to terms with some stuff that has happened recently - that has been tough...

but am baby sitting this arvo, so am sure my nephew will provide laughs!

Am mega emotional at the moment...I know why as well, and it sucks, as I should be better then this now. This week I heard good news for many people - and of course I am over the moon for them...but a really horrible jealous part of me wishes it was me, and I want to cry. i feel so stupid for feeling like this. but it is how I feel...especially when I have found someone that I like but am far too scared to say or do anything as a result of my last few relationships. I am just too scared. Somebody sent me a lovely message today in an attempt to keep me going, and I am going to try my best to keep that in my head - but I really just feel like crying...indeed pathetic. the worst thing is, I am really happy for the people - i really and truly am, I just wish I could show it better.

in other news I am lacking motivation a little, which has not helped with the phd - so today instead of writing positive things - i have written 5 pages of issues I have with the work so far, and questions that need to be asked to resolve them...well at least that is something done.

lets hope the weekend can prove a little more fruitful...something that did make me laugh is my nephews ability to make the sign of a fish with his mouth - he is an adorable baby.

never has a week and a half outside of Taize been so consumed with Taize activity...it all went something like this...

10 days ago the coach company pulled the coach that was going to take us to the European meeting in Poznan. Frere Paolo asked myself and Katie what should we do...i was good cop bad cop in my reply, whereas Katie was completely good cop, and so we persuaded the coach company to give us an extra 10 days to find 10 people to make the coach viable to go! so many emails went out, big persuasion tactics were used, we even got the list of those registered from the coach company to see who was and wasnt on it...to my reflief I was not on it (10 days, 9 people), and I then quickly persuaded two friends to come (9 days, 7 people)...but on wednesday under the 10 days, we got our ten people - hurrah - we are off to Poznan...and a very good friend of mine is coming so there will be good times ahead I hope.



the second piece of Taize activity happened yesterday, and this was the pre-Poznan gathering at Primrose Hill - and this was lovely! we had a lovely lunch, then an introduction to Taize, I spoke about Poznan, we had a bible introduction, small group discussions, mingling over tea and coffee, and then a beautifully simple Taize service...loved it, absolutely loved it! my friend steve came from Brighton, Sophie came from Birmingham, and Nick came from my church. Of course, Katie as the second half of the Paolo named "main movers" was there, and what really made me happy was that Daniel who I met on the coach on the way back from Taize turned up so we had a good catch up - and it was nice to get encouragement face to face and not just over the e-mail! after the service, Katie and some of her friends, Steve, Daniel and I went to a drinking establishment to continue the fun, although steve daniel and I went on a mini detour trying to find somewhere to park a car! the evening finished with a hilarious tube journey with steve back to Victoria, where I had to run to get my train, and he had to get back to Brighton...this has made us even more excited by Poznan, and I ended Sunday with a smile.

Taize friends are special, as you experience a range of emotions with them, and you do not get to see them often, so when you do, it is lovely!

I am still enocuraging people to sign up for Poznan, registration closes on the 1st December...it will be soooo good!

just praying for more periods of calm this would be very nice
xx

update: have data, but full of mistakes! great!
second catechist lesson tonight - loved it last week
22 november, taize service at St Mary the Virgin Primrose Hill - come if you can! (from 1pm - until about 5:30 - lunch, bible study, small groups and service that will be candle lit)
Poznan Taize over new year - come if you can!

nothing else new...

ok, some of my friends and myself are going through some tough patches at the moment...yeah, it is not so great, but i am hanging on in there and thinking about good things. Work the last two days has been a little disappointing - i feel I have lost a lot of motivation...and i am still waiting for data so I can actually start finding things out....this does not help, but a weird way of thinking about something has helped...I will try and explain

this time two years ago - i was in what I thought back then was a great relationship...i do not really know what being in love with someone is...but if it is what I think it feels like...then I was in love with that person...it was hard to go a day without hearing from them, and i wanted to be next to him all the time, i smiled a lot, and i was happy. the person went away, and he had another girlfriend in the country he came from...that hurt...that was two years ago. I say this because I was thinking the other day when a friend was talking about her relationship woes that we as humans can be horrible to each other and lead each other on, and it is sad. Obviously it is lovely and fantastic when it all works out...and there are also MANY examples of this, but it hurts. I am way over this person now...the best advice I was given was from my priest who said that I will not ever get over what he did until I forgave him, and prayed for him - i did this, and my priest was right...well done Fr B

Now I am saying this really because on Wednesday I started a catechist course at my church...and we started at the fundamentals...God loves us, and created us in His image...He loves us. Now it struck me in Taize this summer during my week in silence that I was scared of Gods love....I am scared about disappointing God, and scared to accept His love in case I disappoint Him, and that love could have gone to someone else. Hmmm indeed. But after talking to Fr B again (he is a very good man), I am slowly getting over this issue, and getting used to the idea that God does love me - he really does. Now feeling like this is brilliant. I sometimes lie there in a low period...wishing I had someone human loving me, but then I realise that I still have Gods love, and I smile...uhuh - i smile.

The end of this is, that human relationships, and me thinking I must have disappointed a man for them to leave me, affected my relationship with God...I must have disappointed God, or if I do disappoint God then He will leave me too. But now I am re-realising Gods love for me, I also hope that this will improve my human relationships as well. There is a fear...my fear of disappointing not only comes out in education settings but relationship settings as well...I do not want to fail at another relationship, and I am too scared to go into another one (have to credit Brother Paolo for that one).

So...wrapping this up, catechist course started well, old relationship - 0, Gods love-1, and new relationships - n/a right now!

just a quick little update! The abstract I was talking about a few posts ago was accepted for the workshop! maybe by then it may be in more of a paper form, but for now it has gotton in...out of merit though I am not entirely sure, as the prof was on the accepting/rejecting committee...but never mind, my first professional abstract got me somewhere

in other news, had more nephew play today - he is just beautiful

I do not like these few days of the year... 5 years ago was one of my lowest ever points, and it still hurts..and around this time of year on following years other not so great things have happened....

but, I am starting a catechist course at church this week, so that should be really interesting, a chance for me to learn more as well!

take care all

xx

I love my nephew dearly - he never fails to show us a new trick he has learnt...but I do not like the stomach bug that he passed on to me after baby sitting for him... not like is quite tame actually! Although today I am doing better then the previous two days - I can now eat a slice of bread and drink water...good stuff. Obviously am not going into work tomorrow, have let them know...luckily I have a lot of my work at home to be getting done.

on other notes - i forgot to mention that I have been on a mini holiday. Yep my mum and i decided to have a quick weeks getaway, and so we went to the Greek Island of Zante, in a last minute out of season deal, and it was lovely - i never thought I would have been swimming in the sea in october! The resort was so friendly, and welcoming, and the scenary beautiful! we found a lovely little cocktail bar, and we were self-catered, but we found a lovely little restaurant that allowed us to share meals (we are both small eaters, and the portions were huge). But i would recommend out of season holidays, still good weather (well it was a greek island), resort much quieter and much cheaper (£170 a person for the week, in a self catered appartment - cannot really go wrong).

The holiday was much needed - I just now need to get my strength up after this nasty nasty bug.

also, am doing some Taize promotion stuff....anyone wanting to go to Poznan this year? Have heard from Frere Paolo - he keeps passing my e-mail address to people who may be interested! but we are trying to get enough for the coach...so is anyone interested...

ps - also a pre-Poznan Taize service at St Mary the Virgin Church, Primrose Hill on the 22nd November. I am on the planning committee for this...you need to register if you want to go, so have a little look on the Taize website, more info about the day is on that!

Take care

I am writing this at work, as I have a lose end, my office mates have gone to a conference in Lisbon, and I have just finished writing an abstract discussion topic for my prof (for those interested it is on the implementation of the 48 hour working week for junior doctors, and the consequences for the quality of working life)

but, more importantly I am writing this I have something on my mind, and after the fact I have shed a few tears over this, it is still bugging me - and it shouldnt. A few days ago I had to look over some e-mails to find an address that somebody sent me - so I did a search among e-mails in my inbox - fine and dandy - I found what I was looking at eventually - but I also found stuff that has been hard to swallow. It read like this "in a few years time, I hope to be in the happy place that you will want to be in, and i will achieve this, and you wont. I will then laugh, and yes this does sound bitter"

To be honest this probably upset me even more back then, but it was just a shock to read such things...well, I am not in an altogether happy place at the moment, but I am working on that, and I may not be exactly where I want to be in some instances, but I have done/am doing other things that I never thought I would do. Most importantly, I have people who will not say such horrible things to me, and want to try and build rather then ruin me. I am just listening to the Taize podcast, and very apporpriately the chant being sung is "See I am here says the Lord, See I make all things new" This is what I need, a new state, to forget what people in the past have said to me, and concentrate on God to help me, and know that He does have some wonder for me coming up!

right, back to some work now...

ta ta for now

for everyone who knows me, they also know that my babcia is the lady i aspire to be - she inspires me, has a faith that is so strong, and a love for people that is amazing...she is a fabulous lady, grandmother, mother, and great-grandmother!
this week she turned 80! yep that is right - 80! a grand age! we gave her a surprise party on her actual evening...champers, flowers, chocolates, food...it was lovely! today we are having a whole family get together to give her celebration that she really and truly deserves.

i love my babcia - happy birthday!

So last weekend was great...I had the pleasure of seeing James and Ella, and their two beautiful girls. I have not seen James and Ella for nearly two years...that is far too long...so much had happened in those two years - let alone James and Ella having a second child! and that was my reason for going to Hull, as I had been asked to be Joannes God-mum - this was an honour.

It was just lovely - James and Ella were very hospitable - having both Melissa and I in the house! The little girls behaved so well, Leona is a smiling bundle of joy, and Joanne is just a gorgeous baby to cuddle! On saturday evening we had a meal at Ellas parents house - I will not mention the game...on his blog, James said not to mention the grain...but I feel it may have been more the grapes fault! How you managed to cycle back in that state was unbelievable!

Sunday was the day of the Baptism, another young Christian - it was a special service. It also gave me time to think about my relationship with God, and what I believe, and how I must turn to Him in times of distress and praise, and be honest in front of Him. My silence week in Taizé was not the pleasant experience I wanted it to be, but I am beginning to see some of its fruits.

After the service we went to the church hall, that we had decorated the day before, and we had some yummy food, and good mingling. The amazing cake cut (and tasted just a great as it looked), and James rushed me to the station so I could get my train, as I had to get back to London to meet my priest as I was going to see The Messiah at the Albert Hall, as part of the Proms.

It was fab to see James and Ella again...I have missed them both, but think and pray for them and their family. We spoke of uni years, and the fun we had, and the people we met. And I was able to master my Hullian "Noooo", much to James' dismay!

Thanks to you both for a lovely weekend....all we needed was Mark to be over and that would have topped a great re-union...another time...