Moving in...

now, you may be wondering why i am moving in..well for the last week i have been sleeping in the upstairs spare room whilst ive redecorated my bedroom, and yesterday and today i have been moving in to my new room...its a chore and a half. ive given so much of my stuff to the charity shop...some if it i hadnt used in ages, but other bits were harder to let go of...never mind.

on friday i made my way up to London, and using the map from the job agency, i found my way in plenty of time to the Legal Services Commission, where my interview was going to take place. I had given myself mental answers to possible questions such as "describe a time where you have worked well in a team?", or "what do you consider to be important for a group to get a job done professionally?" and "what do you consider to be your major fault?", but the only questions i got were, have you had a long way to come, would you like a drink, when can you start from, and do you have any questions. yep that was it...call that an interview? i asked what type of things i would be doing, and computer packages that they use (looks like i am going to have to be taught some of them...) and who do i go to if i dont understand what i am doing. I also met the lady whom i will be taking over, and will be shadowing her for her last two days, and so hurrah - i start work on thursday! Travel funds can now commence! my job title is PA/clerical administrator, and I have a little Spannish boss, who was explaining to me on the way out that i was not to be worried, as he liked to work in a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere...fingers crossed it will all work out. And it looks like i will be able to come down for some of freshers week anyways...poss the 24-30th of september - but it will be late arrival on the 24th and early departure on the 30th if i go with a certain company, but you guys will have to put up with me for some of the time i'm afraid....will you be able to cope?

hope everyone else is ok with what they are doing...i have a temporary misplacement of address book so cant write to anyone - its probably got caught up in the bedroom move somewhere...pareants go on hols on tuesday - so will be a parent free zone for a while! yay! peace and independence!

keep well and in touch guys...miss you all tonnes

zosh xxx

ok - it did blog the first time - never mind - it just looks like i have been well busy when i havnt been!
double prayers for me then!

grr
dont know whats happening with blogger, but it doesnt want to publish what i have been typing recently...will give it one last try...

can people please pray for me on friday - as i have a job interview that i really need to get through so i can start earning some money - its in the Legal services commission, and my job is a four month placement in the family and child department..it pays well (£8/hour), so all the money will come in handy for when i go travelling...i may have found the charity that i want to work with too - they are called Tearfund, and they are a Christian charity. I am still waiting for some info on other charities, but this one sounds good.

other than that, have given my room three coats of paint - its no longer lilac - but hint of jasmine - a very pale cream...
last night i apparently slept through a huge thunderstorm - when i got up this mornign, i was asked so how sacred were you last night - (i have a phobia of thunderstorms you see), when i replied scared of what, a look of indredulity fell upon my mothers face....

also watched a programme where the outcome was the inevitabke - looks are worth more than personality (average joe was the show)...damn - there go my hopes then.

one last thing - lets pray that the people of Cornwall recover after all the terrible flooding that there has been recently.

love zosh xxx

well well well

over the last few day i have given my bedroom three coats of paint - thats what you get when trying to cover lilac with "hint of jasmine"...but its all good - now i just have to gloss, and then i can move back into my room.

a job agency have been very kind and are desperately trying to get me a job. they said that the family and child services department at the Legal services commission are very interested in my CV, and i have an interview with the agency tomorrow, and an interview in London with the company on friday - so all prayers that i get the job are needed please - if i do get it, its a four month placement, at eight pounds an hour, and that wll be a big chunk towards my travelling that i am now researching more thoroughly - and i may have found my organisation - its a Christian charity called Tearfund...im not sure thats who im going to go with - but they are a firm option.

over the last few weeks i had been watching a programme called Average Joe, where a very pretty woman, had to choose between, what were labelled 'average looking men', but half way through, three model type men were introduced. This was because the lady said that she always went for personality, and so it was a test as to whether she did or not....you getting me so far?
anyways, yesterday was the last programme in the series, and obviously she went for the attractive man with no personality at all...Now this really upset me - i felt so sorrt for the other guy - because really-the other guy was me. and its just oh so frustrating that these things always happens, and its the good guys that always get hurt...

anyways, rant over...better do some research as to what my job might involve for the interview on friday - please can you cross all the fingers and toes that you can for me....Thank you...

ps - Lisa if i can get that week off - i have found a company that i can get to Exeter to for £1.50 - how cool is that?!

zosh xxx

My Hulliday (see what i did there?)

yesterday i did a very detailed blog of my trip to hull - everyday a different colour, but it didnt blog - grr - so today i am not going to do that, and just do a quick run through if everything i did...

Wednesday - i had the journey up, James put me on a bus - i got off at the correct stop - we had famous Chicken George for tea (yummy chip spice), Ella came over, we watched jason and the argonauts - bedded.

Thursday - james put me at the bus stop - i got the bus to cottingham and met Ella - chatted loads as i wanted to get to know ella more (she is more lovely than i could imagine!), Ellas mum made us a lovely tea - tandemed home.

Friday - Ella came over and put me on a bus to town -got off at the right stop - we went to the deep = it was awesome...it was too hot to do anything else, so we picnicked in the park - took the 25 photos ordered of us - met James in town - went home +watched telly and chatted...

Saturday - did the fish trail, museums, ice-creamed, strawberry ate, spurn light ship all before 2 - then tandemed to Ellas to meet her Polish relatives...attenpted Polish...had a ymmy BBQ - poied, and then had a yummy curry - watched a film, tandemed home.

Sunday - tandemed to Ellas, went to church, sat and poied in the garden, chatted, had a yummy sunday tea (mmm thank you ellas mum), played on the computer, tandemed home to witness first class the devastation that James talks about in his house...chatted went to bed.

Monday - said mye to James - Ella waved me off. and now i am back home!

Thank you James and Ella i had a lovely time in Hull, and want to say that you are both great and very hospitable...you are both just lovely!

forced my cv into the hands of many agencies today - fingers crossed hey...but i have told them all i have already booked a holiday for september 24-30th, so i can come to Exeter then - so i hope to see some of you there - if not then i will be very upset...

love zosh xx

ps - i got a big parker coat yesterday - for an outrageous bargainous price of £6.30!

waiting...

am writing this whilst waiting for James to answer his phone/reply to my text as i wnt to confirm the booking of my coach tickets to hull...the thing is the coach on the thursday that i was originally going to take was fully booked (there seems to be an exodus to Hull), and the alternative coach took over 7 hours - eek! so u see , i want to know whether it is ok for me to take the wednesday coach and spned an extra day in hull...i dont want to impose myself for too long you see... what a quandry...

apart from that - i am now a bit blonder as i have coloured my hair - response so far has been positve - so yay!

have continued on my stone losing quest which is all good i suppose - today i havnt cycled but my knees are hurting...

yay - have just heard from james - i can go on wednesday - now my coach is only 5 and a bit hours long - wohoo!

we watched Polish telly on sunday - it was about the Warsaw uprising as it was the 60th anniversary - my mum was telling me all about it, and now i realise why Poland is such a patriotic country. when all around us failed to help us and watched over 100,000 Polish innocent people get slaughtered in just over a month, the country did its best to stop it, when others didnt. the sad thing about this is, that we never learn and such things are still happening today. why, world why? it was a very sad ceremony, very sad, but i am glad that i watched it.

hope everyone is fine - i joined more temp agencies today - fingers crossed!

zosh xxx

da da da

so the headaches mentioned in the last post continued - it was stupidly painful...so to the doctors i tried to go, but obviously i had to re-register..and i did not know that that only happened on a tuesday. so i rang to make an appointment only to be told this...but as i was also running out of my ad's they squeezed me in. so to the doctors to re-register i went, wheni bumped into my aunt - who is the receptionist at the doctors (not the one that answered the phone to me though)...apparently i had caused a bit of difficulty at the surgery - i didnt care. so i had everything checked - blood pressure, drug use, wieght...the normal. then i thought i could see the doctor - but no - that didnt happen till today. anyways, after re-regestering of to my nans i went, only for a few minutes later for the aunt to arrive...anyways we were talking about stuff, then all of a sudden she turned to me and said, so you know what Zosiu (thats like zosia, but its some funny polish thing when endings cahnge dependent on what is being said in the sentence)..you could do with losing a stone....oh she hads tact. i was put back by this...very put back. she then went to say - but that should be easy for you. WHAT??? i mean...WHAT??? as if i am not down on myself enough...i dont need family telling stuff like that to me.

anyways, so yesterday losing the stone programme started - i went for a looooong walk with my bro (who is very underweight...) in Petts Wood woods...and its lucky he knew where he was going cos i would have got vey lost Blair Witch stylee...i cycled for an hour on the cycle bike...went for another walk, and had some nice veg for my tea declining the offer of mac and cheese my mother had made...

today i had to take my mum to collect our other car from the garage after it broke, i have been exercising loads, reading, but all in all i feel down. i am feeling a bit lonely. one of my closest mates has moved away from the area, others are on holiday, so i just feel a bit lonesome, and obviously also a stone overweight apparently...

i dd however get my 6 films of photos that i sent off for development today...that was very exciting...i mean there were so mnay photos that i had forgotton about (lisa - valentines day party....you in the ambulance....our pimms at the ball....so many funny funny things). i also got the professional photos that Amy and i had done at the graduation ball - and i do have to say that they are very nice photos...

anyways, just feeling that little bit lonely and unloved at the mo...oh so whats bloody new.

zosh xxx

short post...
 
have been ill in the last few days - really bad headaches that i cant open my eyes and i am really feeling sick - mum thinks its migraines...doctors appointment being made.  today my head was so bad i just couldnt stop crying...grr.  poor me - computer screen is hard to look at so am stopping...
 
oh - but my mum says i look nice i my grad photos...
 
zoshx

la la la la la la
 
am going to try and be less stressed in this blog entry...lets see.  yesterday i went into the pit that is Orpington High Street, as i needed to visit the bank, and by some stuff for my nan.  I am also thinking about changing my hair colour as i feel like a change to show that i am moving on, so i was with my mum deciding what colour to go...we made no decision - but i will do it sometime.  i finished a book that i have been reading "Memoirs of a Geisha" - its fab and had some VERY thought provoking sections in it - i thouroughly enjoyed the book.  i then went to my nans and watched a Polish soap opera - its very addictive, and understandable (my nan has Polish satelite you see - Ive been on it dancing!!!).
 
I went to church with my parents last night as my dad was ministering.  We have a new priest from the summer break, and he is from Ghana - and he is just so great.  he was just so encouraging with his sermon, and was so enthusiastic and i really enjoyed the mass yesterday - i dont think my parents liked it that much, but i thought it was great.  I then spoke to the parents of two school friends, but not the two friends themseleves..i dont know whether they go to church anymore - its a sad thing to see.
 
Today i have had the house to myself as my mum and dad went to a Sikh wedding, Andrew was somewhere with Liz, and Peter had gone to Leeds to his best mates wedding.  So i cycled lots, pampered myself, began reading another book in the back-garden until the sun went it, and then continued in the conservatory, attempted (and completed) some of the Daily telegraph puzzles, and then i went to visit my nan as i was not sure if my mum would today or not.  She would not let me do any hoovering or cleaning or ironing for her, so i sat with my grandad for a bit, and then my nan and i watched the next installment of the afore mentioned soap opera.  On arriving home, peter was back from Leeds, and soon the rest of the family ventured in.
 
I now have a plan...to complete my CV, force it upon more temping agencies, chose and sign up to a chrity and then begin my travels...
 
James - i am looking at dates and times and stuff, will email you have found a suitable time, but i need to know when you're free and stuff ...email me if poss...cheers - and say hi to Ella for me - will hopefully see her soon, so she will no longer miss my absence!
 
heard from a very good frind of mine i have not heard from for a while - congrats you genius you - tell me when ur free, and we can have some pubbage in Bromers?!oh the joy if it all...
 
and to everyone else - enjoy if you can and hope to hear from you all soon...
 
Zosh
xxx
(am loving this multi-colour thing - its fab!)

oh dear oh dear oh dear...

why is it so dull where i live?  i mean this week was my recuperation week, but by wednesday i was so bored its untrue...there is just nothing to do.  i even went to the supermarket with my mum this morning to do something.  there are no jobs around at the mo (and i am not working in the slave shop that was the bakery that i worked in last time - i am worth more than just over three pounds an hour), and home is just so restricting...if i do go out i get "where you goimg?  what are you doing? who are you meeting? when you gong to be back? have you got everything you need?"..and i get another spannish inquisition when i have had a phone call...it just drives me insane.  i have been researching for charities to go abroad with and just today after many hours of net surfing (oh the joys of broadband) i found this great placement in zimbabwe looking after lion cubs and elephants in a conservation park with a team of other volunteers. I mean just how cool is that...but i get "but its a bit dangerous there"  my brother last year went back-packing around India and this year has just come back from back-packing around Egypt - like they are not dangerous places either...and in my case i will have supervision too....i mean just ARGH - its all far too stressful here.
 
i have had a lot of independence and i think have grown up more than my parents wanted me too, and they just cant accept the fact that I am not a little girl anymore.  I am the first to put my hand up to say that yes i do have some problems with my health (which are not so good at the mo), but i am tyring to get myself sorted, and i just wish that my family will let me be the person that i am...

so nothing much else to say - seriously my life has been very very very dull recently...

zosh

I wondered how long
 
i wondered just how long it would take for people to go to me "and what about you?" after Peter's engagement was announced...and really it didnt take long at all.  so to everyone else thinking of asking me that question - PLEASE, pretty please with a cherry on top dont ask me that question, because it doesnt make me a very happy bunny at all - in fact it has made me very sad over the last few days...people say it in jest, but really it does get me down...those who know me best will understand why this is the case, and it is not something that i am really in the mood to type about now....
 
anyhows - i gave another pint of my wonderful blood today, although they didnt want me to go, as my blood came out too quickly for their liking, and then it didnt want to stop coming out - as i said i am alsways eager to help causes...and my blood showed this very well!
 
am still trying to catch up the lost sleep from the weekend and calm down from all the excitement that has occurred.  in acyaul fact i am knackered, and coild well and truly do woth a holiday and good weather - but these are both very improbable at the moment - oh dear never mind...
 
other than that nothing much else is going on in the life of me...have written some letters to some charity organisations, lokking for temping work, and altogether trying to come off my A-D's, but this is very very hard, and i am failing at the moment, so that is not going to plan either - but i am trying, so please can you all bear with me.
 
zoshxxx

Part two...
 
so after birks...up the hill we went and i finally gave in my robes (i wanted to get the £31 hiring fee out of them).  i then made my way to St Germans (where my parents were staying) to prepare for the Graduation ball.  I had two hours to get ready...i needed to re-shower and re-straighten my hair - this took ages beacuse i wanted to get it just right - and it wasnt just right - but it was acceptable.  i then did my make-up - this took ages as i had lots to do, and i had to make an effort so that i looked the best that i could.  with ten minutes to go, my mum then had to lace me into my bustiere, and i swear those things give you the best posture ever.  I got my mum to do it really tight so that it would squash my belly right in - amazingly i had got from rags to riches in two hours - with the help of coke and red bull to keep me awake.
 
i then had some photos taken, and then met up with amy, and had some photos done with her...we then got to the great hall where we met up with the others that we knew were sitting at out table, and then got in the queue for the coaches to Powderham Castle - the setting of the Grad ball...
 
and oh what beautiful setting it was, and i had such a fab time at the abll it was unreal.  we got there, and as we were at the first sitting of the meal, we were ushered to our table - that being Blue 18.  the other four people at our table were already there - they were 4 lads who were very friendly and funny.  the starter was already set, but the main course cam on one huge platter.  everyone was too scared to serve, so one of the new guys Tim, and myself, were labelled mummy and daddy, as we served the others with the food - and it was very yummy food, but due to the constraints of my dress i could not eat that much.  then desert came, and we were both mummy and daddy once more...Amy and I felt very sorry for the bottle of red that was on our table, as all the white had gone, so we drank it of course...we were then asked to leave so the next sitting could start, and so we made our way to the complementary drinks tent...
 
Amy and I had some professional phots done - i cant wait, and then we did a lot of mingling with people.  i was told that i looked beautiful by some people - i looked good (well good for me) buit not beautiful - people just say these things to be kind...Amy then persuaded me to go on the fair rides - so off we went, and i denied enjoying them, but they were indeed very fun.  we kept on bumping into the people from our table and having a great laugh with them.  one of my best moments of the night came when i bumped into Chris (the text message dumper) - i was very civil, we asked each other how we got on (he was gutted when he found out i got a first), and he was pleasant when he said "It was really nice to have gone out with you - you taught me a lot", and i just replied "Pity I cant say the same about you", and then gracefully walked off!  i felt so proud...
 
the night just flew by...and before long the dance tent ended with the good old greenday song "it something unpredictable but in the end its right, i hope you had the time of your life" - and i can well and truly say that i did.  It was very emotional saying goodbye to people, laughing and crying, but it was fab, just a beautiful beautiful end to a fantastic three years of my life.
 
waiting for the coach back, i was having some sinkage trouble, and thankfully i was next to some very nice men who kept on lifting me out of the grass.  at this time - we had all had plenty to drnk (free wine ALL night) and things were getting very silly - i had grdauated with traffic hand-siganalling degree, and the man to my right just a plan traffic handling degree...oh dear.
 
i eventually fell into bed at five...
 
saturday - was just very tiring - two hours of sleep later, i had to get up, and take off make-up and pack up room.  my parents came to collect me and we did the undeground passages, and went to dawlish.
 
at home i saw ny bros that i have not seen for ages - peter came back froim egypt the other day...
 
and this is where my final little paragraph comes... i want to say a huge congratualtions to my brother Peter, and his now fiance Dav who got engaged whilst travelling in Egypt and plan to marry next year.  You two go together so well, and i am so happy for you guys its crazy.
 
what an emotional few days...uni is finally over, my new life begins, and for Peter and Dav, hopefully the beginning of a beautiful life together.
 
love zosh xxx

so so much
 
so much has happened in the last few days it seems a bit silly, but never mind, i will try and inform you all about it.  well thursday was the great drive back down to exeter...i got my keys for my room in birks and was so impressed with what i had - i had a kettle and a fridge in my room, towels and sheets, lots of hospitality stuff, it was just fab.  in the eveinig my parents and i collected lisa, and all tne stuff that i had stored in her room, and we went for an indian - which was lush, and also fulfilled lisa's wish to meet my mum.
 
friday - well this day felt like twenty days rolled into one.  i had had an awful night sleep as the other people staying in birks were just so noisy, so i was up before seven, showering and straightening my hair, although it wasnt doing what i wanted it to do.  i then got myself all suited and booted as this morning was my graduation.  i went ot breakfast and they were persuading me to eat a full english, but i was so nervous i could only manage a few spoons of cereal...anyway i then made my way up to Peter Chalk where i met my parents, and got myslewf gowned...the exeter hood is a bluey/grey hood - quite pretty i thought, and i had a hat, but it took me ages to actually get one that fitted me.  We then had some photos ataken, and then i made my way down to the lower exam hall, where i had my professional photos done - they give you an instant print of one, and my parents were pleased with mine - i thought it was ok - i hate photos though.  then i was talking to all my friends outside the hall, and then we had the graduation itself.
 
the talk given by the vice-chancellor was actually very funny, and i quite enjoyed it...but clapping thousands of SoBE people was just -oh - but then came psychology's moment of glory.  Don Mitchell (head of psych) said my name wrong - i always knew that would happen - but i can safely say i was the first of my year to graduate.  i didnt fall over, i remembered to do my little dip, and my hat didnt fall off - so all in all a good graduation.  after i met my parents, and we went down to Washington Singer where psychology were holding a wine reception, and we did the obligatory throwing of the hats...after that back up the hill we walked (havign had a photo outside of singer proudly displaying my lovely certificate) to the quad for the BBQ which was lovely, and we had some champagne.  it suddenly became very sunny and i was very very hot in all my robes, but i really wanted to get some pictures of me in my robes at reed, so off we went.  then i sat on the Exeter Uni sign infront of singer...and then we went to birks to collect all the stuff that i needed for the rest of the day....
 
and i shall tell you all about that in pert two....

well well well

the weather here at the moment is so uninspiring it's just horrid..its so bleak and grey and on/off heavy showers you cant do anything interesting like go for walks (its very cold too), so i feel like a prisoner in my own home...
having said that on saturday my mum and i made our way to London so that I could get a ball dress and a graduation outfit (i have a serious lack of smart clothing)...so off we went. On advice from my friend Susannah, we made our way to Finsbury Park, where we found this absoultely amazing dress shop, which had thousands of dress (and that is no joke), so many styles in a variety of colours, it really would have benn crminal if i came out of thee emtpy handed. i tried on a few dresses (i hate dress shopping, as i am of a weird shape), and from advice from my mum, and other people in the queue for the dressing room, i have got a pink number, which is a sequined and beaded bustiere, and a long skirt, and mathcing shawl, and apparently it looks really good on - although you know what i am like about these things. We did a little exploration of finsbury park and came to the conclusion that there must be very few Polish people left in Poland, as they were all there - i got a bag in the shop, and when she gave it to me, i replied in Polish - and she was so surprised, that a) my mum and i can speak polish and b) we could also speak in the correct tenses (well i was surprised at b as my polish is a bit hmmm)
back on the tube we went and made our way to oxfors street, where it was a nightmare to find a simple black skirt (it really was a nightmare), but eventually i managed to find one, and a reall smart blouse, or a really smart (and sexy at the same time), black and whit off the shoulder top to go with it...i havnt quite decided which top to got with yet, it is really dependednt on the weather...i hate shopping, and felt sorry for my poor mum, as i was getting very frustrated as in shops when you try on clothes, you are alwaysscrutinisng every last bit of your figure, and i know that sounds stupid, but you do, with mirrors everywhere you look its all a bit grrr

anyway, we had to leave London, as I was reading at the saturday service at out church this week. usually a prefer to go on sundays as this is when they do the sung mass, but as i was reading (well filling in for my big big bro) who is on holiday, i ahd to read.

sunday and today have been fairly low key days..i have done unpacking and ruthless chucking of things that as i said "if i havnt used in the last two years, then i obviuosly havnt missed" - its a good technique - i now have room for a lot of my new uni things...am also reading a very good book, and have got completely up to date with the affairs of the world...

have also applied to many job companies, and travel companies, but getting responses from places seems to be impossible, and that is all....

hope people are having more fun than i am...ahve no plans to go abroad yet - oh how i'd love to go abroad..
and one last little gem - you know the "i saw this and though of you" adverts...well my mum said that to me when she came back from the supermarket the other day - so i got all excited at the prospect of getting some nice make-up, or pamper kit, or even chocolates...but no...my mum saw always ultra on offer and thought of me...thanks mum.
zoshxxx

bored...

bored damnit. there is nothing to do in chislehurst - especially when the weather is poo. have read books, even unpacked some of my stuff, nan-visited....grrr. got some stuff from abroad charities i had applied to - for one i had to be over 21 (which i am), but have had to had two years fo post-grad experience...this is impossible for anyone like me just over 21 - why dont they say 23???really some people...so at the mo travelling plans are being put on hold, and i am trying to find some work experience/temping placements in HR so that i can get the next part of my career on track...
if only i wasnt so bored...

and my neck is really bad at the mo - it hurts so much - even when lying down - i think i have done something to the muscle there - but ouch..

on the plus side i am cycling 22k every day - thats just over 500 calories on the cycle bike - yay!
zosh

home sweet home?

well i have been at home a few days now, and still am not unpcked - well my clothes are, and other important bits and pieces, but some of my stuff is still in Exeter (thank-you lisa), and the rest well, i have to find room for it all - which is a task that i will thoroughly enjoy!

since i have been at home, i have seen my nan a few times and she looks better then wehn i left (she still has the shingles juts not as bad), but grandad has gone done hill, he is just so vacant now - its horrid. I have been trying to catch up with my sleep that i have lost out on this term, and this is a lot of sleep - i have done a hell of a lot of cycling on my cycling bike cos i want to look good for my gradutauion, and yesterday i went back to school - the good old Newstead Wood. I was asked to give a talk about psychology and about Exeter uni to the year 12's to help them with their UCAS applications. It was really good but strange going back. I saw 4 of my old form tutors and none of them could believe that I got a first..the history teacher who said that i would not get above a C at hostory A-Level nearly fainted when i told her my degree result, and the deputy head was just chuffed for me. It was so strange being back at school, and that just showed me how much i had actually grown up in the last few years.

I am now trying to get some of my travelling sorted, but it doesnt look that likely naymore, as it is very expensive, and the places that i have asked for information have not got back to me...so it looks like i will be going back to the original plans of finding an HR job, and then applying to an MSc - and i saw a really good course that funds people with firsts - amazing!

Today i went to the local town centre - Bromley ( a pit really), to try and find a ball dress for graduation ball, but there wasnt eally anything there, so my mum says she will got to London with me at the weekend - a bit of a chore, so i hope that i will find something.

Yesterday, as my mum is resigning from her job there was a huge BBQ for all the people in her department at our house - now as it was my mums party i wanted her to have a good time (what a nice daughter i am), so not only did i do the BBQ, but i also did the washing up - what a lovely girl i am - really i am. it was a nice evening - i have not seen my mum so relaxed for a long time, and that was so nice to see.

am missing all you lovely exeter people a bit, just the laughs and adventures that we went on. if anyone is in exeter between 15-17th of july - tell me and see if we can catch up for 5 mins when i am down for my graduation - and staying in the luxury that is birks!

so long for now - back to home life - grr - parents - they love me and all, but they are very controlling...grr

zoshxxx

BYE BYE EXETER

today is my last day of uni....hmmm...all very sad really - i am at james' house - using robs computer - thank you rob! - just to blog goodbye to everyone...

thank you for making my time at exeter great everyone - have had a wicked last week - with the summer ball, and my first and hopefully last time in an ambulance (thanks lisa), and stayed all the way to six!

wednesday was the dreaded results day - but hey - i got a first! cant quite believe it myself, but never mind - its all there in black and white - so yay i suppose!

better go back to packing - people should come around for drinks tonight if you can...

bye bye exeter - but i WILL be back!

love zoshxxx

REALISATIONS...

i know that this has been coming for a very long time, but i actually cant believe that this is my last week at university - it is very sad, but at the same time, i do have to move on and leave this student bubble and enter the big wide world and take all it has to throw at me. it is going to be one of the scarriest things i do raelly, as i dont know what the future holds (who really does i dont know), but over the last few years i have had to grow up so much and overcome some of the most difficult things ever that i feel that another battle should not damage me too much.

yesterday was my last sunday mass at the chaplaincy...Fr Paul did a sermon about journeys and moving on...and what he said was very true, university is just a chapter in what i hope to be a very long and happy life, and now that it is coming to and end i do have to move on, however sad that may be. I was able to choose the hymns that we sang, so i chose all my favourites. "Do not be afraid" - how apt - one thing i know is that when i do approach a situation that i dont know how to act in, God will be there for me..."you are mine oh my child i am your Father, and I love you with a perfect love" - just beautiful. It was tearful...but lovely. my time at the chaplaincy has been just lovely, and i want to thank everyone there for making it so welcoming and such an enjoyable place to go to.

After mass, i had got some gifts for the Cathsoc committee, so that they each had something to remember me by, they were only little things, but i had tried to get something that I thought represented that person. I got Mark my favourite book of all time (and before you say anything...i KNOW that i have not read every book in existence, but out of those that i have read, this is my favourite). i began reading it from the beginning again, as i usually read my most loved bit of the book, and it is just amazing. "it is sad to forget a friend. Not everyone has a friend". this is very true and i know that i will not forget any of my friends from the chaplaincy, and i hope and pray that you wont forget me either. in the book, the Little Prince meets a very wise fox, who needs to be tamed as when this happens "we shall need one another. To me, you will be unique. And i shall be unique to you" everyone needs friends - i know that over the last year - even over the last month my friends have got me through one of my biggest struggles, and you are all so special in your unique ways - thank you. but the wisest words of the fox were still to come when they were saying goodbye "now here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with one's heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisble to the eye...For what you have tamed you are responsible for forever." so guys, i love you all so much, you are all so special and have shown me so much care, and i hope that we can stay in touch as the fox states is so important.

so now i am off to enjoy my last week with all you good people...neck pain permitting...

love you all
zoshxxx

yay!

lisa and i shopped on tuesday - amd it was great - we gpt out shalws and shoes, and added to that i got a skirt, some cds, some videos and we got t-shirts printed....we also got pig out food and went back to Lisa's where i chatted with her housemates, until i braved it home - but thanks to a nice bus driver who after i signalled to him to wait for me...he did - what nasty weather it was!

wednesday - it was very windy yesterday - very very windy, and i had to do a stuednt rep thing...initially it was only going to be a talk, but i ended up having to give a tour also...grr as it was wet, i showed tehm the places they specifically showed an interest in...and then we chatted in cornwall house about Exeter college. i started off with nine, and returned with 3! - the others just wanted to go home, and really i didnt blame them! I was supposed to be telling them about uni, but i was telling them to go to uni in a different town to the one that they had lived in - especially as you can see exeter college from exeter uni...anyhow...my talk was ok, and the lunch was good.

i then made my way home, dropped off some stuff and headed to James' and searched through his phots of the year and copied the ones that i wanted...all 190 of them...thanks to Rob, i got them burnt onto a cd which was loevly of him to let me do that.

cathsoc today was good. Mass was the vigil mass for John the Baptist, and then afterwards we all just chatted and were talking to the man that used to come here ages ago, and took the photos in the corridor...after James, Amy, Lisa and I with a bit of help from Adrian and Mark towards the end had ourselve s abit of vodka (that had been in the freezer...and had actually frozen - hmmm) but it melted quickly and was good. Vodka is best served from the freezer - it becomes more syropy and easier to swallow - and tastes better! anyways the evening just continued with laughter and teasing at it usually does. I put lisa to bed - she had fallen asleep on the couch - and then chatted to james and amy, before we all departed to the land of nod ourselves...

today i have been shopping again - but not for me this time - well a few things were for me, but other things were gifts for others...hmm intriguing. but all will become clear very soon...i love shopping for other people - it was a lot of fun - and i even popped into the shop that Fr Paul claimed was far too religious for me...and you know, some people even go as far as calling me a Catholic!

footie tonight - prayers for England please...

and hello to Rachel - if she is reading this in Malta - its very quiet in the chaplaincy without you..

and to my tearful, troublesome and tipsy other...chin up...it will be ok next year - love you!

zosh xxx

well...

i have not blogged for a while - please forgive me...you see for me to get internet access i have to walk up to campus to use the library...well here it is anyways...

on saturday we had a fab retreat - i mean absoultely beautiful...everyone was calling me mummy because i had tried to think of everything possible, including first aid kit, extra food, hymn books...but it was a great day - the tor (buckland beacon) was absoultely stunning, just beautiful, and it had the ten commandments written on it (helpful for a Cathsoc retreat), and we had plenty of time for personal prayer, Tessa did a meditation, Rachel did a Prayer group, I did some music, Rachel did a rosary on the walk back, and lisa did games - so it all went well. the card idea by rachel was just fab, and it is something that i will treasure forever, te messages written inside were just lovely...thank you for a great day to everyone who went...it was very special and lovely...

the evening was somewhat marred when a housemate came and said to me "the kitchen is a fucking state, and has been in a fucking state all year"....now anyone who knows mw, knows that i hate the kitchen being in a mess as much as the next person...i do my washing up everyday, and there have been many times in the year when i have spent two hours just washing up everyone elses stuff, and cleaning the grills after other people have used them, so i thought that that dig at me was somewhat unfair, especially as three other housemates use that kitchen, so do cathsoc and so do outside groups. being spoken to in such a way was disgusting and upset me a lot, especially as i do clean the kitchen, the areas that i use, and the things that i use...nobody should have the right to speak to other people like that...it is very unfair and uncalled for.....

for the last few days, i have been reading...i love reading but just have not had the opportunity to do it for ages, so i have been reading and reading and reading and it has been great.

in a mo i am meeting up with lisa to do some shopping, although i have just bought three videos from the book shop on campus....but we are shopping for shawls and shoes for the summer ball next week, for which i am very excited....

tomorrow i have my last student rep activity to do, i have to speak for an hour it says - i was told 10 minutes - what a lie....dont have a clue as to what i am going to say - never mind...
anyways that has got me up to date somewhat....
will blog again soon

zosh xxxx

they think its all over....its is now

well, thats it...my degree is in the hands of the markers now...all done and dusted...my last exam was odd..the two topics that i was really hoping would come up, came up, but in really nasty forms, so i did the other two questions which were also ok...when i got out of the exam room, James and Ella were there to meet me - that was nice, and then we went to the Ram where i met the other people from my course and lisa and amy and caz, and we had a celebration...we then went to the chaplaincy to have a cheaper celebration, and then to James' to celebrate some more...it was good, and it is a nice feeling to have it all done...

yesterday james, ella, rob, lisa and i were going to go to Paignton zoo...i went with james and ella, rob and lisa went earlier, they were supposed to meet us there...they didnt, never mind, i had a fab day with james and ella - we came to face to face with a cheetah, that was beautiful, and we saw lots of feeding times, and got stickers, went on the train and everything - rob and lisa didnt do that, they missed out. then in the evening it was the cathsoc bbq - poor ella cut her finger pretty bad, so they had to go to A&E..i cooked lots of food, and it was yummy - poor ella's finger - but she got a krowka - she said cutting her finger was worth it for that....but the pain she was in in the evening, i just dont think so....

today...well the thought of finally finishing uni is settling in...so i just plan to enjoy these last two weeks as much as i can, and try and not let certain things that are getting me down at the mo, get me down anymore....

well thats all for now folks...
zosh xxx

one day left...

just one day left of this miserable world that is revision and then freedom...
i have just come out of a revision study group that went quite well and cleared up some stuff that i was having issues with which is always good, now im in the library about to start the last solitary cramming of revision...my neck is still very painful, but hopefully my new pain killers will help. i havnt blogged about my bad neck cos most people know about how painful it is, and the blowing maltesres yest really didnt help at all - it hurt a lot last night - never mind...

anyways i just want it all to be done, cos then i can relax and enjoy the last few weeks of the experience that is university - bring it on i say

one more lousy day to go..
bad hayfever today - very bad....
zosh xxx

what an annoying morning

i got to campus early this morning, so i could get my reading out of the resources box, but the psychology department, had very cleverly lost the key, and so i have not been able to get the reading that i came up to get...instead i have attempted to learn about the frontal lobe and what it does actually do, but as in many other areas of psychology "evidence is still restricted and more studies are to be conducted"

brain and mind is a bit of a tough module you see, and i have the exam in a weeks time, that should be enough time to get the info in, and i am doing my best to revise it, have to knuckle down hard i think now though and really gte it in, some topics are much much nicer than others...

my other exam last friday was ok - could ahve been better could ahve been worse

my quiz on sunday that i did in hindsight was quite hard, but i think that most people did enjoy it...dunno. dont care

back to brain and mind...have to get this info in my head somehow
and well done to amy - for managing to complete her degree - well done my lovely - you are just fab

zoshx

just a quick blog to note the crapness of my first exam - it was a game of lets try and twist all the knowledge that i have to fit the quastion - people warned me that slatre could be evil, and indeed he was....but never mind, its done now, and thats all i can do....but i did mention his study in my exam answer - as an evaluation of the method that was used...will that get me brownie points? ph i dont know anymore...next one on friday - i hope it goes better

zosh x

safe haven...

wow, once again i must apologise for the lack of blogging, but revisionitus has taken hold of me, and is spiralling out of control (only joking...i just havnt been bothered). but some interesting things have happened. wednesday i went to see my disability officer in psychology, and he without a doubt put me into safe haven after a minute of telling him about my depression - i should have told the department this by the beginning of may, and i was leaving it very very late - but i am changed and have my new exam time-table and everything...so margaret rooms it is for all my exams....at least i dont have to travel all the way to st lukes no more....

thursday i worked and then in the evening, contrary to what it says on james's blog - i cooked bacon galore before it went out of date, and amy did all the sausages - what a feast.

yesterday james and i took a trip down to exmouth to revise, and it worked - we sat in the library for ages and just worked and worked because there was no room for distractions! we had a walk on the beach for our lunch break, and then made it home in time for prayer group...amy and i made lots of pizza and gralic bread for tea, and james and mark and lisa came aroundm and we watched the last ever freinds, and the beginning of big bro, and consumed rather a bit of alcohol...oh never mind - i put lisa to bed in my room cos she was falling asleep, and a few minutes later i was in zzzz land too.

today i have done lots of essay plans, and was chucked out the library at closing time, and am now just off to town as i have no bread and cheese and other such consumables and i feel that i should try and eat this week with two big exams and all..


anyways - better be off before the shops shut.

zosh xx

ITS BEEN SO SO LONG...

wow - hadnt realised it had been so long since my last blog entry, and yeah lots has happened. thursday i got a bit upset about some stuff (realised had not taken anti-depressants that morning), and then in the evening james took me hostage os there was no way that i could do anymore work - well i saw some goslings, had water poured over me (thanks dan), laughed like i havnt laughed for as long long time (dan fell off the window sill, hit his head, fell off the back of the chair - well provided plenty of laughs!).

friday - i worked at home for a lot of the day, then went to campus and read a journal, realised i was late to prayer group, so ran all the way home, jined in, then walked lisa back home cos she has no night vision - i foiund it quite fun, curb...now, and lampost to your left...james felt the need to come, to walk me back home from walking lisa home. it was today when i found out that somebody had said i wasnt friendly....hmm ouch that gurt a lot a lot...

saturday - worked for a lot of the day, and in the evening we had U-NITE a twelve hour prayer vigil for the christian socities at the uni -we started off with a service, then had biscuits, then went to the justice and peace room, we then had an agape meal where i was aksing people if i was friendly all the time,k i then did some art...i joined in the hymn before the others went on the campus walk, and then i went to bed - - some would say not hardcore, i would say tired after loads of revision...

BUT i got up for the final service in the morning, granted still in my pj's but no-one else cared. that ws a nice service, and then james cooked breakfast, but ti was too early for me to eat so i toasted bread...when people left, back to bed i went then when i porperly got up i attempted to get music ready for mass sitting down - which i think was good, but it would have been nice to have had the computer somewhere else cos i felt a bit out of it changing the slides - i cooked pizza for food after mass...
worked in the afternoon, for longer than my four allowed hours, and the james et al., came aorund for tea - some didnt eat (why?) i cooked yummy food, and then went to the quiz where we beat the other team, and i voluntered to host the quiz on two weeks time!

monday - i worked on campus in the morning and at home in the evening...

today i have worked at home in the morning, and then came up to camps to meet helen and do a study session with her as we both do the same course, and so we were asking each other questions. i then did work in the library, and am now just off home to eat something of somekind...

busy time ive had then...three weeks and it will all be over - oh yes - and how happy will i be then?!
and thank you to people who have said that i am freindly - i needed that a lot - its only a little thing really, but does mean stuff you know....

tata for now - and james i dont work too hard you know...

zosh xxx

you see i do break

after three and a half hours of revision - i am having my lunch break - so you see James and Mark, i do break when working...at the mo i am in washington singer, but will have the rest of my lunch break outside, and then venture up to the library for the rest of the afternoon.

yesterday was a day focussed entirely on infant development, so today is disability - it is quite a hard topic - some models are the same, but learning about individual diasbilities is confusing and i am getting things confused - never mind...have found another way to revise though - and this is typing it all out onto a computer like you are writing an essay - i think it has helped a wee bit this morning anyways...

james and mark really took me on an adventure yesterday so i didnt work anymore in the evening...rob and lisa came too, but they were too interested in each other, and basically ignored the rest of us, and so i helped james unicycle, by being his starting support (he used my good side), and he got quite good - a little and often in practice and he should get there. we found this really nice little bridge, and i wanted to play pooh sticks but it was too dark - another time...

revision group thing is going quite well - i like working in the blue room, and james did hos whole presentation there yesterday - well done james!

radio one made me proud the other day - played damien rice - love him - he is great, and sums up how i feel at the mo "its not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball" - genius!
just to sat now if i am harsh or rude to anyone in the next few weeks, its not the true zosh - its exam zosh = stressed zosh...am trying my best guys i really am - and there is not long to go now, till you get no exmas ever again zosh - who i think that you will like a lot - well i hope you do

well must eat guys
keep well etc
zosh xxx

well thats all folks
today i had my last two seminars ever - and they were quite painful - not because they were hard but because i am in a lot of pain - i appear to have slept in an awkward way, and my neck is jarred and i cannot look to the left without it hurting a hell of a lot - never mind.

eurovision party was very enjoyable - thank you to all those who came...mass on sunday was hectic - trying to cook, sing, and do slides and get the readers etc just proved too much this week - never mind - food seemed to go down well - made my poster, we to thge quiz- didnt win, but i think we kicked ass.

yesterday was my last assessment before the exams - it was the poster presenttaion, and it was horrid - everyone was doin the comparisons, and they sent you away when they assessed it, but there was a lot of pointing and whicpering,a nd shaking of heads, and theyw ould ask you questions if they thought it was needed, and i couldnt breathe, it was v stressful. after that, iw ent to get my prescription, on the way back finding out that Toni and Guy were doing free heaircuts for models, i booked myself a free haircut - but you will all have to guess when i have it! then i studied for six hours

today i am in pain after the mentioned neck-injury, but worked for three hours before revision seminars, and am now off back home to do more revision - oh the joys of spring!

see you all soon
zosh

WOHOO FOR ZOSIA DAY...AND EUROVISION!!!
What a glorious sunny day it is today - and have i used it to my advantge - well the answer to that is obvious - NO!!! i have done 6 1/2 hours of revision, and now i have made the suggested changes to my poster presentation - which i make tomorrow, and show on monday - am leaving this too tight for my liking - tomorrow is cutting and mounting and sticking it might be fun..
revision has gone ok today - i started off the day not knowing anything about the nature/nurture debate of infant development, and now i know quite a bit..yay!

we are having a eurovision/zosia day party tonight - should be fun....

yesterday james and ella stayed round after the prayer group - amy and i were very impressed with Ella's fighting skills with james! it ended up in terrible jokes being said - oh dear oh dear...

never mind - have to meet lisa in town - we are cooking for Cathsoc tomorrow - this invloves buying some verg, and adding whatever is in the cupboard to it..mmm...it was Pauls suggestion!

anyway, to any other Zosia's in the world (and to my babcia who celebrates too (its her middle name, cos there isnt a Danusia day) STOLAT!!!

zosh xx

ok ok...
so in the last few days i have been in a terrible mood - absolutely bad bad bad mood - and i do apologise to anyone who may have been at the receiving end of a snap - i cant help it - stress is bad, and have had a bad few days - but i do aim to turn over the leaf. have spent the morning attempting a new presentation - i actually think this one is a bit better - and better still - it looks like that it now will fit - have sent it to my bro to look over it - and he is going to give me his verdict.

revision has been going ok - have found a really cool way to revise - involving the white board in the blue room - its great i get to scribble all over it, and then i can wipe it all off and start over again - i might start a revision group with some people so we can all work together, and make revision a wjole lot more fun...

have to go cos i said i would meet amy for lunch
Zosia Day tomorrow - yes it does exist! and eurovision - am looking forward to that.
zosh

bad bad bad mood
i think that says enough really. apparently i am not in fit helath to take my exams - but i am going to take them anyway - my poster presentation doesnt fit on the card, so am going to have to chop half of it out...my anti-depressants have been upped, and beta-blockers added...great...
thank goodness ER is on telly tonight.
have to go cos am going to chat to paul.
revision has sucked today in some ways - this damn poster - i thought i had it sussed too.
bad mood
zosh
x

Confused...

Lisa said that she liked this new blogger layout, but i am somewhat confused by it all, as i am in no-way technically minded, but never mind, loife goes on - i think that i am just having one of those days - in fact i am having one of those days - there is not even any thinking to be done - i just feel like crying.

so what a busy few days this has been - i feel i must apologise for my lack of blogs - i am getting very behind - my diary is also behind - i have been trying to make up sleep for last wednesady - but that isnt working - as all the time i am sleeping i feel i should be working - so no wonder i am having panic attacks as soon as i wake up - so glad i have a doctors tomorrow - it is muchos neededos.

the weekend was good - good meat at the BBQ guys - it was nice - sorry i slpet through the Pricess Bride - lack of sleepage as stated in the previous paragraph - and i dont think that sleepage should be mistaken for mopage - ok james...?

quiz on suday was too hard for my liking - what happened to all the stuff that actually challenges your braoin, and not what stuff was on the telly before you were even born...? cathsoc quiz is going to be much better if my section is anything to go by.

i just want to say a few things...i want things to go back to normal too - things might not have wroked out how u wnted them too, but its all for the best i think - and there is nothing worng with friends - in fact they can be just as special...

i am not an idiot, a spongmonkey, silly or anything else to that matter. yes i do lack a hell of a lot of confidence - you must have all noted that i never make eye contact with anyone, and when i sing at the chaplaincy - eyes are always closed, or am hiding from you all - i feel awkard about things like that - i feel so ashamed especially if i go wrong - and even if someone else sings wrong, then i feel worng, cos i think it makes me sound bad...so sorry for that - at the end of the day i am JUST zosia, nothing special, nothing great - just a big blob of me going around....

have worked very hard today, but not done everything that i wanted to get done, so am off to the library to continue where i was before my seminar today...the seminar was better after i had chatted to tim last week...it obviously worked...

so sorry for the lack of blog - now all i have to do is update my written diary at home - that takes much longer than this does.
so long to you all
if you can come to the quiz tomorrow - do come.....
zosh xx

OH LISA...
well what an eventful few days...tuesday i did revision, had a seminar - actually cooked a proper meal for the first time in a long time, and made a complaint about a seminar.....

wednesay - this was my dads birthday - hapy birthday dad. i got up early, and went to the library and revised for 5 whole hours. i then went to the meeting about our vigil thing that we want to organise - it went ok, we got all we could done with no CU rep there. on the way home i bumped into the convenor of the seminar that was criticised as i am student rep i have to have a meeting with him...great. got home and made some more revision noters, ansd sorted out the notes for this seminar so i can go to him tomorrow.

it was then time for Cathsoc - i got the chapel ready today . there was a host and purificator today and everything (and yes Paul i sealed up the bag so it does not go off). after mass was the fun and games night - and yes i did get rather competitive again, but it works and our team won - yay! but lisa (it has to be lisa) was injured. she was saying she was ok when we were juggling and polaying monkey ball...then she admitted to being ill, and went quite pale...i was not letting her walk home - even james and rob agreed with me on this one...so i rang the out of hours doctor - knew all lisas detail, date of birth, address, doctor - but failed at my open telephone number - oh the shame...anyways, to cut a long story short i did a frantic phone of cab companies, and when i mentioned a&e - one came in five minutes...so off to A&E we went. we waited and waited and waited, got lisa seen by a doctor - i was very worried for our lisa - her feeling on her hands and arm were going, and she was in so much pain, and then we went to xray-and many many hours later after being given pain killers and advice on what to do, we left the hospital, and got a cab back to lisa's.
i made her a hot water bottle, made sure that she was comfortable and had her pain-killers, and by the time i was in bed dawn chorus had started...didnt really sleep - was too worried about you lisa

got up showered and took lisda to the doctors, and then made my way home, where i informed paul of the actions and had to fill in an incident report. i am now on campus, after practically no sleep - trying to prepare a poster presentation as that wsa on my plan for the day...maybe today is when i begin my liking of coffee..

oh i forget the funny part - lisa and i were at that point of tiredness where we were just sitting in A&E laughing at nothing - and i had chick, chick, chick, chick chicken lay a little egg for me in my head...and i told lisa all about infant motor development - very exciting i will havew you know. Lisa and I also thought it sensible to tell an adult what had happened - so sorry Paul for waking you up in the night once again, but we thought that you should be informed, incase anything else did happen.

i dont want to sound big-headed but i do feel quite proud with the whole looking after lisa thing - it made me feel very maternal, and i tried not to panic and just do things in the way that i thought was right.

pray for lisas neck people
and cathsoc - next time risk assessments?
must do some work and then sleep methinks...
and thanks for rob and james for staying as long as you did and keeping me a bit calm
and happy birthday mark
zosh

I AM A QUIZ GENIUS (TO THE SURPRISE OF JAMES)
there seems to have been a flurry of blogging of which i have not been a part, and so i have made my way up to campus (on a bank holiday of all days) to not let the who,e blogging system down....how good is that?
on saturday i was doing revision, food shopping and attempting to cheer up amy some more, when james kindly invited me to a trip to a drinking establishment, so amy, james rob, norris (adam turned up later) took a trip to a public house, and plyed an interesting game of scrabble, amy won (yes its the least points that wins!) and two words that should be in the dictionary but arent were placed on the board - those being VUNU, and QUIVEM - vunu being a biological term, and quivem being a part of my brain....hmmm we then ventured back to play monkey ball.

sunday was mass day -all was well until tessa put me off the communion hymn - never mind - it was fun controlling the slides. rachel made some food, and then said some comments about the old committee which i have taken to heart somewhat as they were quite uspetting...after i revised all afternoon, until it was quiz time. we walked down to the pub, and were "team laser explosion" - i was rather good at the quiz, much to the surprise of james and myself - grr to lisa she should ahve known the flag answer, and well done me for getting NIGHT! and revolver (very fast!). i was quite chuffed - however, i think that when James and robs regular team mates return i will be shoved off the quiz team - never mind. well done to amy for picking out the raffle ticket that won us a box of chocolates...mmm chocolate;

we then watched a stupid amount of ivor the engine, although i was dozing off. james and lisa were being very childish (evil james), and then lisa came to sleep at mine.

am now off to learn something about disability, as infant development was all last weekend - might make my revision timetable too...

see/hear from you wonderful people soon
ps 3rd of may - trzczy maj! Witaj maj! - what a great day for Poland
zoshx

what a strange few days...
so wednesday was a bit down...till the evening - thank you cathsoc for holding me and rachel a partu with all the yummy food (mmm jelly babies) - twas lovely and i had a really nice time (pesky Lisa all the cider and black). i then suggested the park - it was a good suggestion, james, rob, lisa and i went to the park and played on the swings and the slide, and a wannabe see-saw but that was crap - i am all bruised now for some reason....hmmm

anyways - luckily for me lisa lives two minutes away from the park - so i stayed at lisa's abd james and rob had to walk all the way home!
got up at lisas and we had a chat and laugh and walked into town, and i continued home, where i got down to my work - and got more done than i thought i would on limited sleep.
i was attempting to cheer up amy in the evening cos she was all upset - i dont know how well i did, i like to think i did ok, but am not too sure.
today i have done work at home, and am now in the library to do some more work - revision notes.

Poland joins the european union tomorrow - yay!
hope everyone is well
zoshx

HMM A BIT HMMM

so what i thought was relief was really and truly stupid niggles...i have given the damn thing in there is nothing i can change even if i wanted to...also gave in an essay, that was also hmm, but in our seminar he kept on quoting papers that i had used in my essay - i dont know whether that is a good or bad sign.
yesterday and today, i dont know why, i just seem to be up and down in mood, one minute i will be fine, and then the next i am in tears and i dont know why so its all a bit odd, and i dont like it at all, and so i am trying my hardest tos top myself. hopefully i will be ok for tonight.
am just getting down to revision now, i have a poster to make for my project - but that should be quite fun i think...
not much else to say - i need cheering up, so cheer me up people...

zosh x

RELIEF

YAY FOR ME! gave in my project this morning, so its in, but now i am having all this niggling worries like have i done enough for it, is it of a good enough standard, and yeah it is all very scary but it is done and there is nothing that i can do about it now. this morning was also my very last chairing of an sslc meeting by me, and dave made sure that it was minuted that helen and i were thanked for our work - and i can tell you we have done loads, am just doing some reasearch in the library before i go home and read some journal articles.

lisa - amy was very impressed with the pressies - as was my mum - as was me - truly shocked i am still - my dear - thank you.

am off to work as a good responsible adult.
no doubt i will see all you lots who read this very soon
zosh x

IT JUST NEEDS TO BE BLOGGED...

well yesterday and today have been quite exciting...yesterday i did a lot of work, but i also went to take pretty photos of campus in the sun - and amy showed me this stream that i never knew existed, and it was just stunning.

today was the first mass of the term, and lisa chose some lovely hymns, and it was very nice...but this is just what had to be blogged - lisa - is a star, and just - well i love lisa, she got me 21 presents to celebrate my 21 years of life - i mean how great - i got a cushion,chocolate, jelly babies, a hangover cure, smellies, alcohol, photo album, bracelet, footprints, cuddly toys - just so many beautiful things - i just cant take it in...lisa thank you so much, that has just made my birthday so special, so so special ot is untrue...and a beautiful card - i have never had so many birthday cards (well its only 11, but that is loads for me!), but man alive - thank you lisa. as it was so sunny, lisa and i went to the imp gardens for a drink (non alcoholic), and then i showed lisa the pretty stream on campus - it is very pretty...and on the way back, i just thought i would come and blog, before doing some work...

oh and i have wanted to blog this for ages, i did 102 on juggling with three balls - my best ever ever ever!

good day to you all

zosh xxx

EXCITING DAY TWO!!

no seriously - i should be hungover - i mean yesterday was a BIG night! but i am not - i feel as spritely as ever! who said getting old was bad....
i have just got my project bound - WOHOO!!!! its so so pretty! its done wahey!
thank you to helen - card total is 10!! and all the messages have been great..and thank you to amy and paul for a lovely evening!
am so glad project is done - yay!
have lost another pound in weight - wohoo! sooo close to target now...
cant wait to see all you guys when you get back - have to celebrate my birthday with you..
and mark, james rob...house party this term? and paul says we can use the BBQ! mmm meat on BBQ!
might go sit in Reed, but Hayfever is bad today!
thank you for making me feel special on my birthday - love you all
zosh xxx

IT'S HERE - THE KEY TO THE DOOR!

wohoo! a day for me - my birthday! I am 21!!!! thats 21!!!! and i am very excitable today because it is sooooo sunny outside it is beautiful and i love the sun! so yay!

i just want to say a few thankyou's - thank you to Susannah for being the first to text and for the beautiful ear-rings and neck-lace, to my uncle and aunt for the bear and bracelet, to my gran for just being wonderful (that's grandad too), to all my friends for the champage, and to all the lovely people who have sent me a card - i had a lot of pleasure opening them, and they are being displayed in my room (and helen - evil postman...), to Paul for singing happy birthday (a duet with the cleaner!), and to James - wow you know a lot about april 22nd also a big thank you to my lovely family - its a pity you're not here to celebrate with me, and thank you to those who are....

i was walking through reed gardens and it just looks so beautiful with all the flowers opening, and the sun shinning, and i just thought how lovely...i really did, i could just sit there all day admiring its beauty

i think a few drinks tonight maybe...well it will be rude to me not to!

from the birthday girl herself
zoshxxx
(ps - happy birthday to us Liz!!! - hope ur having a good day too!)

might go an get chocolate to eat on my birthday...mmm...chocolate..

hmm
well today i went to my really truly boring meeting, and i was thanked for going, and i did even make contributions - which is always good...but it was surprising as to how many people didnt pay attention - others were reading journal articles etc whilst the meeting was goin on, and one lecturer was even falling asleep - v funny!

am not planning anything for my birthday tom - if anyone is around then pop by to say hi or whatever, but everyone is at home or busy with dissertations....so will have a nice night infront of the telly.

did two lectures worth of revision notes yesterday amd will do more this afternoon - its is very interesting, but also very tiring on the old brain.

cant beilieve im 21 tomorrow - i dont feel 21 - and damn it will be single on my birthday...

lisa has just got back into england! wohoo..

GRR
its nice knowing that my supervisor realises i am in a panic - so is sending me dont panic emails, but its not nice being in a panic - in fact i hate it. i just keep on finding little mistakes, and having annoying questions pop into my head late at night when i am trying to sleep, but hey ho life goes on...
this afternoon, i am going to read the papers for my nine o'clock meeting tomorrow - i know its sooo worng, and then do some revision notes on my disability seminar - ive read over some stuff, and it is all very interesting, so will just do it i think.
only two days to go till my birthday - it really does suck that my family wont be here to celebrate - i have been told that they will think of me on that day (well i hope they will), but it isnt the same - never mind - there will be other birthdays. 2 days to go - man...
well had better go and retrieve these papers i have to read
so long
zosh

GUESS WHO'S BACK?
yep that's right - got back to exeter yesterday, and it is nice to be back where it is quiet to work, and get stuff done. the journey was hard as it was raining very heavily, but we made it safe and sound. mum and dad took me shopping so i had some food - we had some lunch, then they left. i unpacked all afternoon and evening as i wanted to sort out my room. couldnt be bothered to cook tea, so just went to bed quite early.

today i have made the typo changes to my project and essay. will read them through again tomorrow, and make all the cover sheets etc (i forgot the handbook today - d'oh!), and then fingers crossed they will be done. now i have to catch up on some seminar reading, and do some more revision notes - but i am nearly there.

only 3 - yes thats three days till the big 21 - have pressies just screaming - open me - but i am not allowed to grr. saw my liz the other day at her party - she is great - but it must be remembered i am six hours older then she is!!! but it was lovely seeing her again i had a really nice saturday.

hope everyone else is ok and not too busy with the old W word!
take care
zosh xx

THANK YOU TO MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS

just a quick break from my packing - would like to say thank you to helie, bec , priya and clare for a lovely time yesterday, and your words/lectures of support and encouragement - your great people, and i am truly honoured to call you guys my friends (and i am sure i will enjoy the champagne....just wait till july and we will celebrate your birthdays in style!). whole i am thank youing - also a thank you to Susannah for a great thursday night and somewhere to sleep - and my directions back to the underground!

am so close to the end of my project now - have just been through it, and all i need to do is change typos,a nd add a reference - then its to be printed and bound, and done - i think if i continue reading it i will probably end up changing it for the worse.

have a few cards and pressies here and i am itching to open them - but i am not allowed to grrr - bring on thursday...i might have more by then (doubt it but i might..) its all very exciting.

back to exeter, will be there tomorrow afternoon - will be v tired as am on my fourth pre-birthday celebration night in a row - today its with my birthday sister, smelly sweaty Lig with rank hair (i love her dearly - thats my pet name for her!)...but am excited about coming back...have been filling in my graduation booklet form too - so much to do.....
anyways, better get back to packing - we want to leave at eight tomorrow morning - yeah whatever!
5 days to go....
zosh xxx

WHAT A GOOD FAKE BIRTHDAY I HAD...

well as i said yesterday i went to london to see a friend who goes to uni there - and it turns out that her friend had got us onto a guest list for a club - how exciting - we got there and met the owner (he used to go out with an atomic kitten susannah tells me) - he was very nice. i was chatting to him - cos he noticed an accent, so i bent the truth somewhat, saying that i was from exeter (so not really a lie - i do study there), and that i had come to london to celebrate my 21st (so i was in London, and i was celebrating my 21st with susannah - just a week early), anyway, i musy have been convincing, because drinks were on him from then on! yep the club owner got me birthday drinks, and even when i was leaving a big birthday hug, and a photo for my camera phone - who said that all these club owners are bad...i had a great night, but have had a bad hangover today, and the train home from Victoria was odd, i nearly fanited - but the person opposite me was very nice, and opened the windows and took care of me...

so it was good - i had fun - now am just off with school friends for another pre-birthday celebration - this should be good too - and parents are lending me money tonight - wohoo!

birthday in 6 days - exeter in two - all these countdowns can get quite confusing!
xxx

ONE WEEK TO GO!!
wohoo - just one week to my birthday - but the celebrations have already started...as i said i am not going to be with my family on my birthday so we went out for a family meal yesterday - which is a shock cos we never go out ot eat! a good time was had by all...tonight i am meeting with a friend at UCL and just general doing the bars in London, tomorrow its school friends, and saturday a party with my birthday sister (a friend who shares the EXACT birthdy with me - i am 6 hours older though!). so its all busy - i work in the day and go out by night - no wonder i am so tried - have written all the revision notes for one seminar now - am glad that is done...just two more seminars to go, and hopefully will have my project bound my next week - i am plaguing jeremy with panicky emails - never mind.

better go straighten my hair so i can catch my train i need to get.
zosh xx

I AM AN ANGEL!
two people have called me an angel today - so it really must be true! rachel (happy birthday by the way) called me an angel when she got my birthday card i lovingly sent her, and my nan called my an angel when i did some grandad-sitting today cos she had to go to the doctors...so it must be true...no its not i know, but its nice to be complimented espceially after what has happened in the last couple of weeks...
nan is very ill - she couldnt move this morning - mum and i were very worried about her so was the distriuct nurse - so we all wnet ot the doctors and demanded she had an appointment...grandad is trying to do the great escape and keeps on falling out of bed - we have prcatically had to barricade him in today - he was talking no sense - i just left him to it, and doid my revision notes - there is nothing that i can do to help him.
have done revision notes for one lecture today - not that gopod - but had to read four journals to make them - but that is good - have to email jeremy about some things for my project...
oh i am an angel - that has made me happy!!!
out for a family meal to celebrate my birthday tomorrow - am seeing a firnd on thursday as a celebration, and then school firmeds on friday as a celebration - its all quite fun - 9 days to go...
back in exeter soon....5 days for that
xxx

A TEARY EASTER...

today was a somewhat teary affair for me...normally we have a Polish family easter - doing the whole sharing of the blessed egg wishing good health and happiness. this year my nan was just too poorly so i didnt even get to see her, and she didnt want peopl ringing, so i couldnt even ring to tell her i loved her - that was sad. my cousins and uncle and aunt came over, and we had traditinal polish food, and stuff, then later my mum and aunt were talking about the last summer, and that was just very upsetting for me, and i found out that they didnt tell me a lot of what happened, and they still hide things from me when i am away at uni...i know that they are only stopping my worry, and practically there is nothing that i can do, but i could come home and say my goodbyes, and that i what i never did befor my last grandad died, and i will always kick myself about that. anyways, as you can imagine i was teary, and my mum bless her i think finally realised how much this does all affect me, and how my depression is not just about all the inadequacies i think about myself (and there are many).

but this time of the year is a special time. for so many reasons, and yesterday at the vigil service i felt something special, it was a strange feeling, but it was like everything was clicking into place, and it just felt so right to be there at that moment. it did make me realise that finding someone who does understand that my religion is important is something that i have to do.

i hope everyon else had a good easter....11 days till i am 21 - eek. my parents are taking me for a meal this week, as i will be in exeter alone for my actual birthday - probably revising! and one of my friends is demanding we meet up - as she says "we cant let your birthday pass unnoticed" - well if she says so...

am going to eat some chocolate now i can to cheer myself up and stop the tears - i didnt have any chocolate cravings during lent, but now i can eat it, its all that i am thinking about - this is stupid.

take care of yourselves
xxx

HAPPY EASTER!!!
i dont know if i will have time to blog tomorrow, but as today is Holy Saturday anyways, i want to wish everyone a happy easter...
yesterday being Good Friday, it was a quite day here, I went to church in the afternoon (busier then it has been for a loooong time), and then didnt really do much. My mum was cooking lots of Polish food, which made the fasting a lot harder - but i suppose these things are all about temptation, and thinking about what we want but cant have, and so forth...
today, i ahve just come back from another Polish tradition that we do - in that we bless the food that we eat on Easter Sunday - this is done in a Polish parish a fair drive from where we live - but we see the same Polish ladies each year - with the "is that Zosia - My you have grown into a pretty young lady" - every year - they are amazed that i dont look like a five year old anymore!! most fo them used to teach me Polish at Polish school. On the way out from having the food blessed, i bumped into my dancing teacher - luckily she didnt really recognise me - its lucky cos i never went to the 25th annivesary of our Polish dancing group - I have watched the video and thought that it was crap - not a patch on our last concert...anyway i digress
So we had our food blessed, thats all good. Tonight i am going to the vigil mass with the rest of my family - it will probably be a busy church again - but that is a good sign.

Just a quick good luck to Mark - being received into the church today - a day u will remember for a long time. take care, and i hope it all goes well.

happy easter to you all once again
12 days till i am 21....wohoo!
zosh xx

THE OFFICIAL COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

yes my dear friends - it is exactly 14 days, until I turn the grand old age of 21...!just 14 days left...yay! i do like birthdays, but this year it will be somewhat sad affair as i am away from my family, and will be on my ownsome back in exeter....grrr.

never mind - have been working hard, i made all the changes to my project today - re-wrote my abstrct, chnged the typos, and i also did my essay too - havnt i worked hard?! yesterday i drove round to see my nan, she was not good at all - a painful thing is shingkes- she could hardly move. i went to check on my grandad (bed -bound) who was trying his hardest to "get back home". Now i had to try and convince him in Polish, that he was at home - i told him he was lying in hid bed, and he had his chair, telly and radion in his room. I told him that he had been livng in his house for about 35 years now, and that he used to do the gardening. this worked for all of minutes. he then wanted "to be where his sister was" - i told him that he had not seen his sister for about a year, but there were other family members about, like ne his grandaughter - and his wife (who he usually confuses with his sister). my poor nan was hearing that i was struggling to keep him in his bed - and so she had to come in when it was so clear that she was in pain. this was so upsetting for me. i wish that i could take some of my nans pain from her, and that there was more that i could do, but there isnt. i didnt want to leave my nan on her own, so i waitde unitl my aunt came, then went home.

man, thats hard. once home i read over some seminar notes on which i am to make some notes on soon - but it is all very interesting, and it does help that i have already done the extra reading.

i drove my bro to town today -i likr driving - im in my car - i can sing as load as i want and no-onw will hear me. i have also been helping ym mum cook all the yummy Polish food that we have - today i made fudge for her mmmm...i then cycled on the cycle bike 9just two pounds to go until target weight).

hope everyone is having a good break - better go and cook the tea...
zosh xxx

TIRED...
ever since i have got home (well before really), i have been so tired - my mum calls it end of termitus - i call it worry. but i really need to sleep tonight - so sorry helen and any other Newsteadians - will have to do late night tea another night...
well what have i been up to? on sunday - i went to church for Palm sunday...now my priest is elderly, and actually uses an electronic wheelchair - so unlike paul, who i imagine would have soaled the palms, ours barely got a sprinkling. after church, went home, and sat and read the papers, and then had some lunch. I then read some articles i had found so that i could start some revision. my mum made a roast, and then i watched and film - but kindof dozed through its...so to bed i went.

monday - i went shopping for food - and yay i didnt have to pay for one thing! we then went to get stuff my nan needed. after i started making some of the chnages to my project in rough form, and reading through it checking for typos and wondering what alterations i could make...i then did...wait fot ot - revision notes. i cycled on the cylce bike (i aim to cycle every day), and in the evening i bantered with both of my bro's - its so good to have them back...

today - i went up to London to get my christmas present - that may sound odd i know...but i had credit in a shop in London - and it was nearly running out, so i got two very pricey pairs of earings...then my mum and i went all the way to west kensington to go to the Polish shop - yes there is a Polish shop, cos we wanted to get all the yummy speciality hams and stuff for easter. then i did more revision notes, and have read over my essay.

i do realise that what james wrote in my comments box is completely right, and i should not be so angry at chris cos he did make it easier for me in the long run, but at the end of the day, i am a girl and i do get upset, cos when things like that happen, i immediately think that there must be something wrong with me, and that i have to change in someway - so i get angry with me, and find it easier just to make him out to be the bad guy....he probably saw it as a lucky esacpe really....

tata for now
xxx

YAY IM HOME!
well yes i am home - thank goodness.
this is just a quick message to evryone who has been so kind to me after being dumped...
so far chris has been called a fucker, a wanker, a bastard, a dipshit, a swine (that was my nan - she has never used that word before i'll have you know), lame, cowardly and a fool face (that was Lisa - she cant swear at the mo, or else it would have been a lot worse). so thats great - and its all true - cant handle my religion -well screw you chris - i think you've missed out.
obviously i am upset. everyone who knows me knows how much i wanted a boyfrined,a nd all the barriers i have put up, and now, well i have one more for my collection - oh yay!
well, just another plea - please pray for my grand-parents - my nans shingles is still bad, she could hardly move when i went to see her this evening, and she had to call an ambulance last night when grandad fell out of his bed. so please can we pray for their health.

quite selfish too, but please can we pray for me, so that i can be happy, and that something right can happen to me for once.
love you all who have been there and insulted chris with me, he has missed out hasnt he? or am i just being foolish once again
well at least i can have a hug from my mum now
love zosh xxx

THIS SHOULD BE AN INTERESTING READ

well last night was aiming to be a cheer up amy night, cos her boyfriend (Joe) has gone away for three months...so being me, i got cheer up food - iced buns, party rings, dip, we had chips and ice cream, and i got us a nice chilled bottle of white wine...
all was going well - until i got DUMPED!!!!! so it ended up as a cheer up both of us night, and quite an alcoholic affair, as Paul (who came in, and saw us quite merry can vouch for - sorry Paul).

after saying yesterday that Chris was a decent bloke - i think i can take that all back....what decent bloke dumps a girl via text...NONE!!! and you should wait for the reason of the break up - one i have never had before...usually i get the not pretty enough, ive had the well i kindof like your mate, ive had the i'm not ready for a realtionship yet...but never have i had the i really like you...(read on the reason for the dump is just coming...)
but - to quote the afore mentioned text "i wouldnt be able to handle your religion"
Yes my dear friends that is the reason...what a shocker - never ever ever have i had that before.
obviously i go on dates with a neon sign above my head saying Catholic beware - we are dangerous people - so dangerous you wouldnt be able to handle us. i mean this is insane....yes i am catholic - but why should that matter to anyone else but me. i mean religion is important to me, but i have no worries if other people arent religious, i mean them not being religious, is as much of a decision as me being a catholc. also, this is what gets me, i am not a Catholic, that talks about Catholicism all the time, i like to keep my faith personal, and anyone who knows me, will know that.
and obviosiuly he does not know much about catholicism if he says something like that.
well chris my dear, i am glad that came out early, so that i am shot of you, the W****R. he is just lucky that Lisa isnt in the country cos she would have kicked his ass.

so people - zosh is single AGAIN!!! the story of my life. strangely enough i am not at all hungover today - i definately should be - but i am not - it must be because i am a catholic...
well isnt that a jolly piece of news - dumped - its such an ugly word - but never mind, as is sent back to him - its his loss - he has missed out, and if he really does think like that - well the earlier i got out the better.

thank goodness i go home tomorrow.

tara my lovely people
stay well, and do me a favour - never dump anyone by text - its rude.
zosh xx

life is all a bit hmm at the moment, so i am going to ask people to pray for me if you dont mind doing so. i am a bit confused about what to do, and i need prayers for clarity. things are ok, i am getting there, i just need some help and some guidance.

saw chris last night - we watched a dvd, he walked me home, it was all very nice, he is a nice lad, but there are some buts as there always is, but here is not the right place to say them. we will have to see how things go - he is a really decent bloke - dont get me wrong, he is very decent - i think its just me, but we will see. hmm a riddle.

my head is not thinking straight am off into town to get cheer up amy things...
zosh x